bases

[anxious34]

i am a very conscientious and concious person and recenTly ive been having guilty feelings of being intimate with My boYfriend. a month or two ago where he was kissing me and his hand was on top of my crotch. and i was in the moment and so was moving around and was probably grinding. we were fully clothes btw. anyway, i didn't think about or remember the incident for a long time. then at a time when i had nothing to think about, i suddenly remembered it and felt incredibly guilty that i had gone to third base. iT's been bugging me for a long time. correct me if i'm wrong, but i had always thought third base involved no clothes, like fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, oral sex. so i don't know why i've been so scared that i had reached third base. i eVen chose to bring it up with my boyfriend and ask him, and he doesn't even remember it happening! he insists that his hand was always on my stomach. but i'm pretty sure i felt it lower, though i know he didn't mean it as he is very respectful towards me. basically i think i was the one who was concious of it happening, but didn't think anything of it at the time. and only staRted worrying about it after. i know that my anxiety causes me to overanalyze situations. he was asked once how far he had gone and he said first base because he said that's what he honestly believed. i don't know why but my anxieTy always makes me think i am worse than i really am i guess. and i figure, he's a gUy and what guy would lie about being less experienced than he really is? most would lie about being more experienced.

[nursegirl6572]

You may need to explore why you are feeling this way....maybe you are not quite READY to be "getting close" to that next step...which is maybe what frightened you?  That you realized in the natural progression of things....what would likely happen after the step you were at....might have triggered a little bit of uncertainty and anxiety?

Bottom line is....you have to move at your own pace and what you are comfy with...and be sure to talk openly with your BF about it so that he knows where your current "boundaries" are and can respect them.  You just may need some time....I don't know how long you've been in the relationship.  There is certainly no hurry...or worries about any "notches in the bedpost"...or giving him material for him and his pals to dicuss their conquests, ya know?

Finally...when you are IN the moment...if you've been open and clear with your BF....then just try to relax and enjoy what you are comfortable with at present.  Try not to over-analyze at that minute...I'm sure he will honor your wishes and feelings.

Best of luck to you...and remember that giving yourself to someone in that way is a big move in a realtionship...one you want to be conifdent in...as it magnifies emotions and the intensity of the relationship.  Make sure it is right for YOU...and when you decide it IS the right time...PLEASE be safe...use a condom each and every time