new here and scared....

[elizabeth_63]

OMG where to begin? i started this pain med thing about a yr ago. i had a very short term cocain problem in my 30s and have been clean for over 7 yrs.jan.12th clean day. however last year my leg started to hurt..[by the way i have been an athlete all my life] and i have been through so, so many tests. last monday i went for the results of an MRI and my dr. said there is NO physical reason for the pain it is caused by my childhood issues! he has given me 30 percs and says i will not be uncomfortable, that lessoning them one a day til they are gone and i will be fine.  HOGWASH!...i was torchered as a child physicaly and mentally and according to my therapist alot worse than alot of people. i say boo hoo! im sick of blaming every little thing on my damn child hood get over it already. the dr. says the pain ...EXTREME PAIN is 'real' but i do not need back surgery. in this case i am very lucky. i have NOT been a life time addict except the one idiotic mistake of meeting the wrong person at the wrong time latter in life i never even smoked a cig. my question to any one please is......does anyone know can this pain be from my mind and can i get off these meds after 9 months? he gives me 30 percs to come off. is this possible without me getting sick? i have a wonderfull new job waiting for me and had to withdraw from class because i was in so much pain this is killing me! once again quite by accident i find myself dependent on a drug...i am so scared pls if some one would talk to me or give me advice i would apreciate it? am i going insane? can a persons mind create so much pain? and how do i get rid of the pain if its all in my head?i am as of today getting back to running i used to be a gymnist and a runner and im 44 so i retired. is the lack of running making me hurt? will running take the pain away? i refuse to go to my therapist to rehash old memories i never want to think of is this wrong? pls anyone any words i am at my witts end.ps...i had a breakdown from the pain last sat and ended up in the hospital. i just couldnt take it any more you see my dr. for the last 9 months would only give me t3's that never worked so for 9 months 24/7 i have been in pain and on sat i couldnt take anymore. that dr. at emergency gave me my first percs and for that weekend i was out of pain for the first time in 9 months. i did laundry i cleaned my room i rode my bike i accually washed my hair!!!!!  now my dr says its mental and byby to the only pain relief i have had in 9 months...pls dont get me wrong i want the pain gone, no pills and ths job more than anything.....i cry every morning as i am now and have no one to talk to so here i am ..thankyou for taking the time to read this looking forward to a kind word of support and advice PLS?elizabeth

[desperate1111]

You have been thru a lot and I am truly sorry. Do you take antidepresants? They helped me get off of the pain pills. Have you checked out the health pages here. Lots of valuable info. I have RA, after I quit the pills the pain left. Best of luck to you. Please keep reading and posting.

[cocobeanlisa]

I do not know where to begin.  I have read your story and want to be
supportive, I understand pain very much !  I know both mental and
physical pain.  I am sorry but I would have to say that if your Doctor
says that there is no reason for the leg pain and it's in your mind, you only
have 2 options.  1. go to your therapist
                        2. Go to another Doctor/second Op
Yes, the pain pills are no good and you should get off of them ASAP.
I know I have chronic pain, I suffer from back/neck and nerve damage
I also suffer from ghost pain from losing both of my breast.  The doctors put
me on pain pills years ago and I wish I never took one.  I became addicted and
they ruined my life.  If you get off the pills now you will have a chance at the
New Job and a future.

Hang in there, and yes I am adult of child abuse also.  That was  the past
this is the NOW and the Future.

Hang in there
cocobean

[joann1975]

Hey there...I sent you a PM. I am leaving for the zoo and don't have much time to chat but please read it and I will talk with you later! JoAnn

[elizabeth_63]

i can not thank you enough for you thoughts. i feel like an *** whining about my leg when you have gone through such a terrible thing.you must be a very strong woman. i am seeing my theripist this mon the 2nd and i will be talking to him about this whole thing. i just can not grasp the thought of truth that 'talking about s@#*t from a childhood could make pain like this just go away? i am at a loss at trying to understand talking about things we DON"T want to remember to stop pain? why do i not understand this i will never know....thank you for talking to me and i wish you the best.......beth

[cocobeanlisa]

I am glad that you are going to your therapist.

Tell him/her everything, begin with the pain and let them know about
the pills and maybe you can get some help.  As long
as you are honest with them they should be able to help you.

HANG IN THERE, remember pills are not the answer.
cocobean

[elizabeth_63]

i have only found this site this morning and am just learning to navigate it. i am leary of antidepresants but at this poit who knows this past yr has been very hard on my mind i seem to not be able to think straight from pain because as i said for 9 months i was taking 1 t3 every 6 hours which took no pain away at all and was to afraid to tell my dr. i should have i guess. i did not realize that continued extreme pain could cause a persons mind to not think straight and at this point im not so afraid of the withdrawl,[but mind you i have never been through this kind of thing...different than cocain no physical addiction] and maybe i dont even know if i am addicted i would imagin that after 9 months of every day use of codien you would feel 'sick'...i just want ...'no pills'...'no pain' and this 'new job'
i hate whining.....i just havent the knowledge i need to understand this non-physical pain and makig it stop?  how do you do that ? think to youself ..."oh! its not real your faking it now stop!"  if i sound angry i am not just lost and very frusterated...thank you for taking the time to talk to me...beth

[theeagle]

I am glad that you found this site - and welcome to the forum. It is hard to comprehend, but the mind can perceive pain all on its own. That isnt an unusual thing and as someone mentioned it is called "phantom pain". It is usually presented by someone that has lost a limb or body part - leg pain in an amputee is a good example. And extreme pain can cause a lot of physical problems. Even up to not thinking straight. I always described the way my head felt during  w/d's as being full of cotton candy! 1 30mg codeine dose @6 hours is not really much. There is a good chance that you won't get physically ill from it. You may, but I hope you don't. You probably will have some problems with mental clarity and anxiety or even depression. I used lexapro and found it to be satisfactory. The running is a great thing to do - your own body will reward you for that - Just telling your story ... to a therapist or on this forum is a good step. I would suggest the amino acid protocol (with link posted at bottom right of page). The vitamins and supplements will help you level out some. I am not certain whether you need the narcotic's - whether T-3's or percodan - or not. Doctors have been wrong before. Keep posting and you will get some help and communication with people - good luck!

[sadinmichigan]

hi sweetheart...many of us have experienced all different kinds of things..I wish I knew what to say..You are in the here and now..and we can choose to hold onto pain(childhood etc) as if a best friend. or we can move on..have you moved past this really?..I am by no way saying this is easy and to just get over it..in fact I hate when some say that..but it does need to be dealt with.We are here for you and I want you to know that there is an abuse forum...you might find that very helpful..

[worried878]

Welcome and I am sorry for ur pain....I would get a second opinion for sure....I have chronic