My 3 1/2 year old

[Chigurl82]

Last Sunday, I picked my 3 1/2 year old up from a visitation weekend at her father's house.  Her father has a 15 year old brother, who has been baker acted for self mutilation and drugs.  My ex-mother-in-law said my daughter hadn't had a bowel movement all weekend (which is unusual for her).  When I got her home, I gave her some children's lax and put her in the tub to relax.  She had a bowel movement, and screamed.  I was drying her off, got to her tush and she screamed at me again, DON'T TOUCH ME, IT HURTS!  I told her I had to check her butt for poop, and she told me to do it gentle, it hurts.  I did, and she still screamed how it hurt.  I asked her what was wrong and if someone touched her.  She said yes, and when I asked who she named her father's brother.  I reported it, but the detective on the case didn't take me seriously, even though my daughter told him what happened.  He told me that her statements are not qualifying because of her age.  I am still expected to bring her to that house, where her father hasn't called to check on her and no one believes it happened.  To me, for a 3 year old to state that, and restate it 3 days later, that says something.  Please, any suggestions are very much appreciated!!  Thanks.

[Andy31]

The 'investigator' needs a reality check.  Of course you can take the word of someone under four years old, and check for physical evidence.  Is their a Social Work department in your Country?  Contact them now.  Do not let your girl go back to her Dads, it's too dangerous, and if he cares, he'll understand.  Maybe in the name of peace, you can arrange a 'talk' with him and ask him to talk/listen to your wee girl and also make alternative arrangements, but not at his house even if his Brother is not there.

Do not let this go, and while you're at it, report the investigator that wouldn't do anything about it.  The less of these lazy narrow-minded people in the world, the safer the world will be.

I hope your wee girl feels better in her mind.

[teko]

Take the child to her pediatrician to be checked. Her doctor should be able to tell if the child is in pain due to change in bowel habits or has been abused. Usually a doctor can verify abuse if the child is seen right away. If it is the weekend, take her to the ER.

[Chigurl82]

The ER down here will not examine her, nor will the pediatrician.  I'm do not understand Florida law at all.  That was my first phone call, the second to the Abuse line.  DCF will not get involved, as they claim to have no jurisdiction.  Her father doesn't understand, and will more than likely try to hold me in contempt of court if I don't bring her over there.  (Which I am more than willing to incur)  I just feel so helpless.  Thanks for the comments.  

[Andy31]

That really is very strange and almost sounds like a free licence to sexually abuse Children.  Here, we have a free service called the 'Citizens Advice Bureau' [CAB] is their anything similar there that can offer free advice on what to do?  Their has got to be something.
I know we should never encourage people to break the law, but I really think you should incur the 'contempt of court' charges, which I really think you should be exonerated from.

I am sure it would help your [legal] case if you at least try and make a deal with your Daughters Dad to be with her at another address even if it's your address, or to have his Brother stay else-where whilst your Daughter is there until matters have been investigated.  It's a scary questions, but what will it take for people to do anything about it?  Failing all else, you could ask your Daughters Dad to set-up a Nanny Cam, it's a secret camera hidden within a teddy or such-like and used to spy on Child Minders suspected of abuse or theft etc.

[jml1986]

I would find another hospital or doctor who would and I don't care where I had to go to find one. That is your child and it is your job to protect her no matter what.

[RockRose]

Your story doesn't make sense,  Chigirl.  If your child's rectum hurts,  and she is constipated,  you can certainly get a doctor to examine her.  I don't know what's going on,  or how you're explaining this to the doctor,  or what,  but her rectum hurts,  she's had a change in bowel habits -

[RockRose]

Also,  chigurl,  I forgot the other part - if you suspect abuse,  it's better to ask do you know why your bottom hurts?  Do you know when your bottom started hurting?  Rather than "who touched you".  "who touched you" will often get an answer,  but it's often incorrect -

Best wishes.

[AnnaE]

Where did you learn that ? Have you done work in that area?

[RockRose]

Yes,  I've done some peripheral work with parenting,  childbirth classes,  and screening for abuse.  The screening training was very minimal - information on what bruises are typically from abuse and what to look for in typical bruising kids incur.  And how not to lead a child to an outcry,  but allow them to come up with all the information independently without being led at all.

Are you NancyGrace?

[RockRose]

ticked,  what in the world does your post mean?   Between this mother who is very worried,  and all the rest of us trying to sort the story out,  your post is bizarre.

[Andy31]

Without meaning to go 'off topic' 'Ticked' is what's known as a 'Troll' and by responding to such people is known as 'Feeding the Trolls' and when you feed them, they stay.  Such people are best ignored.  You can train them by ignoring daft posts, and IF they say something sensible, then reply with caution.  It will save some readers being upset. Also, use the 'report' function instead of replying.

[Chigurl82]

Her bottom hadn't hurt prior to visitation.  I have not had prior training as to properly ask questions.  I'm just a mom.  The investigation, I just found out, is still open.  My daughter told the detective the same thing she told me, however, her age is a detriment.  I am not sure where you are located, but down here, it's a total different world.  No Dr would examine her, at least for that reason.  We've been and they referred us to a gastroentrologist for constipation, although, it's been 3 weeks, and she is no longer having a problem.  I have been back to court and did get temp supervised visitation, so this, God Willing will not be an issue again.  

Thanks for commenting.

[AnnaE]

Yes, I'm Nancygrace. I changed my name because I am now a community leader on the community eye care forum.  I thought that NG sounded frivolous and legalese--I liked it though, because I thought it gave a laugh, and because she is a controversial figure, not ordinary.

[AnnaE]

That is good training. Once I had to report a mother for hitting her children with extension cords. It was obvious that something was wrong. The two year old and others were full of bruises. The two year old told me in Spanish that her mother did it. I reported it to child abuse. The worker was very good. He investigated and let me know about the extension cord.

I was working at Child, Inc. I went to the school on the behalf of the mother, and an elderly teacher tore into me. I called my boss to tell her of the teacher. Well. everyone had speculated that it was me who reported the abuse. My boss told me that by the way, I was fired. The whole thing was very shocking. I will never forget that precious two year old. The bruises were very bad. I reprted to the worker what I saw and heard. I did not accuse anyone. The worker sounded as if he did not assume anything, and the mother admitted it. Makes me wonder now if maybe she was covering for someone. It doesn't matter, I guess, because it needed to be stopped, and I guess as the state proceeded, they might have found out, if it were true. A very hard life for all of them. A house that was falling apart, etc.

It was also my responsibility to report it.
I had a lot of experience holding hands with children who were abused. I was not professionally trained, so I played it pretty cool and tried to be sort of a hand and someone they could be around without fear. In most cases, the abuse had already been reported.

Everyone else at the organiation was afraid of abuse, did not want to be around it. I was not at all happy to be around it, but I focused on the child as simply a child with needs for learning and play. I wanted to give, and I thought it might help me with my own stuff.

With the little child here, I have been sort of listening, because I don't have this exact kind of experience. It is always good to know, should one be able to help a child or a parent.

[AnnaE]

That is pretty bad news about the doctors. I hope that you and your daughter can learn something that will help you.