abuse in the eye of the beholder?

[shimax78]

first off, when i went to post this i saw  8 different types of abuse. In a nutshell will someone please tell me the meaning of them?  ECONOMIC,EMOTIONAL,SOCIAL,SPIRITUAL,SPOUSAL, AND VERBAL.  second, i feel like my fiance of 4 years emotioanlly abuses me. he always talks down to me and never lets me be entitled to my feelings.  the other day we were talking and he said i started to get worked up(though i didnt feel that way) so he went on the defense(i felt for no reason). when i told him to please stop talking to me that way, he just kept going.  making me feel like i was worthless like i do nothing for him.  i slapped him.  i know it was wrong i felt bad but then he started to call me every name in the book and punched my rear view mirror and broke it.  he left. i found out from a mutual friend he told his whole family that i had been beating him all week and this time i beat him, punched him, pulled a box cutter on him and kicked him out of a moving vehicle.

we have talk since then.  he blames the whole fight, as well as ALL our fights, on me. i told him to move out until he can take responsibilities for his actions.  he turned it around and said he wont come back because of my violent attitude and i just need to calm down.    Am i supposed to take the way he talks to me?

[jo929]

First at the age of 29, you should know what abuse is ,and the ans to your question (Am I supposed to take the way he talks to me)  the ans to that should be NO NO \. but, then it seems like you have put up with it for 4 years, and as to why only you can answer that.. Most women would not put up with it a week. but maybe you have your reasons. What of the children, do they hear all of this? and is it the way to rear children, by hearing all of the bickering, I guess the whole answer answer is in your hands, as to what , and whatnot you want to do, but it is not acceptable behavior in adults,  luck  jo.

[shimax78]

thanks again. i havent put up with it for 4 years.  its only been the past 9-12 months.  and just got bad.  he says he is not gonns "bow down" and he is just standing up for him self.  which i dont understand.  like we disagree so he has to fight for what he believes instead of trying to compromise.  no this didnt happen in front of the kids.  they were at my moms

[txsilver]

No, he should not put you down and berrate you.  No, you should not, under any circumstances other than self defense, hit him.  It is no more acceptable for you to hit him than for him to hit you.  This sounds like an unhealthy relationship for both of you.  I encourage you to seek counseling with or without him.

[lady67]

A friend of mine from work has the same problem.  They are going to counseling and he is taking anger management classes.  They go once a week alone to an appointment and then meet with the counselor together once a week.  It has helped alot.  She has been a codepentent for so long that she lost her identity in all of it.

I will keep you in my thoughts.
Susan