Whats wrong with me??

[cam78]

Ok here is my story

I am currently in a long term relationship for over 10 months now and i get to see my partner for a few days every 5-6 weeks. When i am with him life is perfect and i have no cares or problems in the world

As soon as we part i find my mood drastically dropping as the days go by to it gets to the point where i cant mentally function. I constantlly think of negative things about the relationship, myself, our future.

He is amazing and we talk daily on the phone and IM and he knows im going through hell with it and he is coping better than i am, its like i cant manage without some kind of drama when hes not around. I am even thinking would it be easier on him if i let him go and make myself some how not love him

I cry almost every day and i am not happy with my home life (living back with my parents, unemployed) and i have alot of time on my hands which always tires me out cos i think about pointless negative things to much.

I saw my local doctor 2 months ago and he says i have depression and that i should just work through it alone which hasnt helped. i have signed up with a threapist which i start 2mw also.

I just feel bad for my partner and dont know if i should release him from all of my head dramas

any advice would be much appreciated


C

[ParamedFlorena]

I think that is very much the same that happens with me. My husband works at a ferry-connection pretty far ways from here and is away one week at a time. Those weeks he is home us two are very much in control, but as soon as he leaves and I've been holding the house 2-3 days I start to feel lonely. The thing here is that all humans are social beings. Friends, family, even strangers help us identify who we are and what we think.
For me, to break out of the loneliness, I had to give myself a kick in the rear end and get in touch with friends and family again. It made it very much easier. When they aren't there, I care much for my hobby - photographing. It costs a camera and takes a lot of positive time and it is very rewarding.

Good luck with the therapy. Usually that's a great help!
You're awaring the problem and that's a step in the right direction.

Florena

[Venora Moonwind]

Go to the therapy and get a job or go to school and keep yourself busy when he isnt there. I suspect you are feeling down about living with your parents and being unemployed isnt helping you mood. Stay active . exercise even if if its just a 30 min brisk walk and be creative for your soul . Learn to love yourself. Then the time spent with yourself will be good
I am an army brat ex air force and an airforce retiree wfe. My husbacn would be gone fo months at a time Temporary duty so I got an education andstayed busy with projects and my kids. I got a good job after I finished school. and even though my husband andI have a good relationship it was very hard to be without him for such long periods of time. But it is very stisfying to me that I know I could support myself and be without him if I had to.
Now the funny part is we had to learn how to be together all the time after he retired.LOL
We are both jet engine mechanics working at the same place going to lunch together and you get the picture. I now treasure my alone time.
You are going to be ok. You just need some direction in  your life and the therapy will good for you.
Keep in touch and let us know hoe the therapy goes.
Love Venora

[cam78]

Hey guys

i went to the initial thereapy intro and i felt great afterwards. Until they told me i have to wait atleast 2months before the sessions can start

Then a strange thing happend to me, i was watching an episode of Queers as folk and one of the guys had an AIDS test, totally freaked me out and gave me another reason to stress (even though i had 3 tests last year, all negative) so i booked myself in for another test today. The results came back negative.

I should be happy but i feel empty again and lonely. Wish i could get to the bottom of this,

[Venora Moonwind]

sorry you have to waith for 2 months but just keep coming here to talk We will help you get through this. You are not alone. We are here for you.Keep in touch and PM anytime you need to talk.I will be here to listen I am in Cental standard time and I ussually come the boards between 5 and 8 pm.
Love Venora

[cam78]

Thank you Verona x

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi Cam

It's great to see you around. One testing coming back negative usually means a bit of hurray since that is ruled out. Out of many differential diagnoses you're going to end up with one, step by step.

At the moment I'm waiting for an MR of my knee. I do honestly and sincerely hope it comes back fine, but I do also know that I'll feel a little ... lost if it says everything is fine because I know something is not as it should with my knee. It is then most likely something else but finding out what it is will then be back at zero and a fresh beginning...
It is so about all diagnoses: When it isn't that one thing, it is most likely something else. If it is anxiety, it can be a leading cause of depression (my personal opinion) since so much is hanging on our stress-levels. If we worry and feel anxious all the time, we don't let our bodies relax and it's constantly on high-stress and tensions. A lot of ache can come from tensions! Even sadness can come from that - when the one we live together with isn't around to give us reasons to not worry. A lot is in the support of others around us, but the question is: Can we change the set of mind and tell ourselves: "I can do this, I can go through this this week he's gone".

Much care,
Florena

[cam78]

Hi there

i def think i am going through aniexty, i cant ever seem to relex and stop thinking about negative things.

I cant remember the last time i had a day without "thinking" all the time