How to overcome abuse?

[lorrainejoan]

I was abused physically & verbally as a child. I was hit, had hair pulled,hit with a belt until I had welts,told that I should just die that she wished I was never born that I was a **** that I would amt to nothing & made fun of by my mother. My father was never home which was good beacause he hated me because I reminded him of his sister. I have always been sick a lot but the problem is when I am sick these old tapes keep playing. I have even tried to kill myself. I am seeing a counsler. How do I overcome this?

[RockRose]

There is no way to erase this completely,  lorraine,  but you can try to make the marks of abuse less powerful.  

Have you read "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger?  I think if you're in the mode of being sick of hearing the old tapes,  and you're ready to overcome,  this book is exactly for you.  It won't minimize what you've experienced,  but it will greatly help you go forward and be able to enjoy the rest of the blessings of your life.

Best wishes.

[teko]

I too, will not minimize what you have experienced lorraine. What you have experienced is truly a painful existance. However, you need to realize that for whatever reason/reasons, you were put on this planet and in that household for a reason. Whatever that reason is may be a mystery to you right now but nonetheless there is one. Maybe so you could help some one in the future who has your experiences, who knows.

What you need to do now is to let it go, forgive them and strive to be what God intended you to be. You have a free will and you do not have to let those who hurt you continue to have power over you by continuing to allow them to make you feel less than you are. Get counseling if you must, but take control of your life and look to the future and take the necessary steps to rise above it all.

No one is perfect. Not you, Not me, Not those who love us. We all have issues, some of us  have really big ones and we hurt the ones we love the most the worst of all. Usually because we have been a victim ourselves, or sometimes because we cannot deal with life ourselves. Others may go a long way toward beating us down, but it is our choice to stay down or to get up and make it better.

Suicide is a cowards way out, as well as a permanant solution to a temporary problem. Not an option. Find a good counselor, get the book that Rock suggested and start the healing process. Life is too short to spend it holding on to the pain:(

[jml1986]

Lorraine, I was not phsyically or mental abused as you were, but I was sexually abused be several people repeatedly. I don't know why I was chosen to go through it, but for whatever it happened, and I could either learn to go on and accept what happened, or I could live with it for the rest of my life. I chose to go on.

Don't get me wrong, it is not easy, and I will never forget it happened, but I just can't let those people have so much control over my life. It is even harder when it is family and you have to see these everyday, but I believe that the people that do this have problems that none of us will ever understand.

I have not had therapy, but I do believe if you need it, go get it. They can help you learn to go on and live a full productive life, and how to not blame yourself for what has happened, and better yet how to see your abuser/abusers for what they really are.

[txsilver]

Hi.  I was abused as a child by a parent with borderline personality disorder and can relate to the things you wrote.  I think you are on a good path.  Reaching out for help is important because I do not know if you can do it alone.  The abuse has affected me in most facets of my life, but I have learned to overcome it, break the patterns and learned behaviors that came from it and lead a happy life.  
This did not happen over night.  I have been in and out of counselling for years and continue to go back as needed to hone my skills.  
Part of my success was my determination to prove my father wrong.  I succeeded to spite him.  It may sound horrible, but it worked for me and helped me channel my anger into something positive. Spite may not work for you, but find your motivation to persevere, maybe something as simple yet as important as breaking the cycle.
You cannot change the history you have and the memories are always there. It ***** that we had spiteful, hateful things said and done to us by the poeple who were suppose to love and protect us, but you have to play the cards your dealt I guess.  
Please stay in counselling and seek out support groups on line and in your community.  Believe it or not, you may find purpose in your pain.  You may find healing in helping others.  The road you are on is a tough journey, but it is worth the effort.
hugs

[AnnaE]

Sometimes we need to prove abusive people wrong. I did that with some abusive medical personnel, and with a boss who was corrupt. It let me know that I was strong, and that people who wanted good things could find health.. We must not endanger ourselves, and sometimes  people aren't punished for wrong things immediately; we just need to know that what they have done is not right, and that the world holds possibility for health.

You need to realize that you can experience health and the love of others. We encourage you. Sometimes it is very hard for me because I know that my abusers prevented me from having some positive things I wanted long ago, but I must believe that we can be happy if we embrace positive things and have a commitment to help others in some meaningful way.

I hope you feel better and write back.

Anna

[mom53]

I was abused just like you and then became what I hated most.  I know that my father had mental problems and I also have them.  However, I am under treatment and tell my boys I am sorry every day.  I don't think I will ever forgive myself, but I did forgive my Dad.  Before he died, he was so sorry, but he told me, his Dad was sick too.  It's a horrible legacy to keep passing on to our kids.  Help yourself and don't repeat it ever.