I'm new heres my story, maybe I can help you.

[eden_leah]

when I was sixteen I started smoking cigarettes and weed, and honestly I can say that weed really is a gateway drug, but thats another story, anyways, I smoked weed until I was 17 then I found out I was pregnant, I had my little girl Rayaunna when I was 18, I stopped all the drugs while I was pregnant and for awhile after, but being so young and being a new mom I just couldn't handle all the stress of trying to do it alone, its harder then it looks I suppose, but anyways, I started back when I was 19, started doing stuff like nerve pills you know Zanex, or Klonopin, then started doing things like Lorasets, or Loratabs, Vicodin, pretty much any kind of pain killer, from there it escalated to Oxycontin 20s, 40s and then 80s... I never realized my whole world was falling apart, I thought that no one knew I was on the drugs, I thought I was hiding them really well.  I guess I wasn't.  

I started the Cocaine when I was 20, it was to me the greatest thing ever, it numbed my whole body, it numbed everything I didn't havet to worry I had no problems when I was doing cocaine and drinking, because somewhere along the way I picked up a nasty drinking habit also, and my child had been staying with my mother and my sister more and more.  So no worries she was always safe, but after awhile I just decided I was invincible  no one could touch me my life was perfect, and I would never be in trouble.  

Well one day I started taking the Klonopin when I got up, and by that night I had taken about 20 or at least after 20 I was to messed up to keep track of them, maybe somewhere on the lines of 35 I really dont remember.  But one of my best friends husband was a State Trooper for the state I lived in (yeah I know funny huh) anways she asked him to have some of his trooper buddies come over and scare me, not do anything just scare me, so they did and they looked up my nose seen the residue knew I was high as a kite, and left.  Well I thought it was my neighbor who was also a really good friend of mine, well I went to her house stumbling around and confronted her, she said it wasn't her and then I started cussing, and her husband came out and punched me in the face and broke my glasses (the guy was about 5'2 almost the same height as me) so I punched him in the nose and they called the cops, well long story short I went to jail, so high they put me in the "drunk tank" and the woman told me she was going to put my picture on my ID bracelet in case anything happened to me like I passed out or something (I guess they thought I had OD myself)  but after staying there the night they let me out (I was only brought up on Disorderly Conduct I was really lucky my mom was friends with the police force or I would of been in there for a LONG time) so anyways, I came home and found a note on my door from the Social Services saying they needed to talk to me.  Well when I contacted them they said they had a call from someone saying that I was on drugs and couldn't take care of my child anymore, so they we're going to investigate me, so I panicked because as high as I was I knew I couldn't lose my little girl, so I loved in with my mom and left the friends that were doing the drugs with me behind and started trying to clean up, well they wanted a drug test so I knew I couldn't pass it, so I went to the local pharmacy and got this herbal drink (Im not saying the name) and I drank it and a lot of water to pass the drug test, well I went in took it and only a Perkacet showed up in my system and oddly enough it showed up because I swallowed it instead of snorted it, but I had to go a few months with drug testing and passing them in order to keep my girl, in the mean time I found out I was pregnant again and this baby's father was a drug addict so I decided to stay away from him and have my baby.

Anyways it was hell detoxing from all that stuff, it was the worst experience of my life, especially detoxing after
I got pregnant because let me tell you it takes awhile to get off all that it doesn't just go away in a month or two, it took a really long time, I got off of them when I was 21 I'm 22 right now almost 23 and I still crave them, but I will never go back, one of the only things I can say about that is, my daughter is 3 years old and the first 2 years of her life I have no clue what happened, I don't remember anything we did together or anything that she did, her steps her talking, none of it, and as ashamed as I am to admit that at least I got another chance with this baby girl.  I will do it right this time and stay off of the drugs.

If anyone ever needs to talk about anything, detoxing from any of that **** or just a friend let me know, Im a pretty good listener and thats what Im here for.  Trust me anything helps, even talking to someone about silly stuff like about your pets helps because thats one more second your not thinking about the drugs.

--- thats me...
Eden

[joann1975]

Eden....Thank you for sharing your story...that was brave....I can see that you will really be an asset to this forum! Also, check out the social side....you can get there by going to the top of the screen and clicking on Addiction Social Community....we do silly chats there....Nauty (one of our members) always brings up good funny questions that gets us thinking.... and we just talk everyday stuff there and our addiction issues here!

I am glad you are here....of course not under the circumstances any of us have been under but still glad to have you!

JoAnn

[Coolio Hernendez]

Whoa!!! That sure puts me back in place.!!!!

Awesome work keep it up!!!

[road2recovery]

Thanks for sharing your story...you are very young BUT very wise..Those 2 yrs of messing up is nothing compared to the next yrs you will give those girls....
VERY nice to have you here!!!
r2r

[GoingToMakeIt]

Yes, we all want to Welcome you here! I am glad you found us. Your story is a good one and all too familiar to many. The only caution I would say for others sake. It is maybe not wise to go into full detox if pregnant. There are exceptions but generally not a good idea. I am glad it went well for you. Please stay and give your input. We have a constant influx of new people who need to hear that you can do this and live through it.

[worried878]

I guess u feel very lucky you are alive and well...with 2 wonderful daughters to boot!....bad stories do have good endings i guess...thanx

[SISSY8151892]

hi from what i`ve read you are a very strong person  and lucky to be alive   trust me i know. you will get through all of this with time. just think of all the time you will have to spend with your children and thats enough. keep in touch!!!

[newmanagment]

hey shawtie, aint many make tears come to my eyes, but u did. i started cleaning up when my son was born, and i was on a bing when he took his training wheels off the bike and started riding witout em. the things we miss are really so much more valuable then the time spent using. ya kids is lucky to have a mom that is willing to fight.......much love