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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
How to go about forgiving?
by Desi269, Jun 18, 2008 02:22PM
I am 18 getting ready to turn 19 in July. When I was 17 my father basically wanted me to have sex with him and not tell anyone. I went home and told my mother . She looked astonished and me and her went to go confront him. He said, "Who are u gona believe me or your daughter"?. After that it went back to normal like it never happened. When my older sister was 12 our father did the same thing but he was saying sexual explicit things to her for about 2 months. She came foward and told my ma in about 2002, and nothing still happened. He is not a father in my eyes. He thought that me and my brother were doings things. He hurt me mentally, physically, and most of all emmotionally. Me and my sister went to the police but basically they said that its nothing that we can do. I used to hate him with every single fiber in me. I used to get into heated arguments with him. Then i realized that he's not worth it so i calmed down eventually. But the hardest thing to do is to forgive. I feel him almost watching or undressing me with his eyes. He is perverted, a freak, and a child predator. I hate it when my nieces comes over because I dont trust him around them so i look after them 24/7 when they come ova. But i know in my heart that GOD will punish him for his wrongdoings. I used to get nightmares of me and him doing things because of what he wanted to do with me. Not just me, he did that to my older sister too. I know Im stronger thatn him, he is the devil. He is just an evil spirit that I refuse to win me ova or my sister. My only problem is to forgive him...what should I do? Thankyou and ~GOD BLESS~
Member Comments (7)
by jml1986, Jun 18, 2008 06:33PM
You do not forgive someone for them, you forgive them for you. He clearly feels no remorse what he did so there is no point to try and make things better for him. By forgiving him it will set you free from your own personal hell and give you some peace of mind. That being said, forgiving him is not forgetting what he did, so don't think that you will ever be totally over it. You will go on and have a great life, but you will always have that place in the back of your mind where this will forever be stored. Use that when you are watching over your nieces. Good luck
by Desi269, Jun 18, 2008 10:35PM
thankyou soo much for the advice jml1986
by treazzure007, Jun 18, 2008 10:42PM
To: Desi269
do forgive him for being a sick, twisted, and demented man. ask god to give you the courage to forgive him and your mother. she's potentially suffering from the same thing as your father or a very weak minded individual. goodness! just to think of any man treating my children that way and me not kicking him into space! you say your nieces come over there. have you let their parents know it's potentially not a safe place to be? i believe you should do that for the sake of their wellbeing. dont just sit back and watch or allow things to take place. he may very well be healed from this spirit of perversion one day or end up in jail from it. i just wouldnt let it be from my nieces' trials
by susieq87, Jun 19, 2008 05:26AM
To: Desi269
I too lived with the same kind of thing for 15 years. Finally, I got to a point where I could make choices and not have to live there. It took awhile. You must be underage as you still have to live there. The minute you are of age get away from the situation and get counseling. You can't forgive his actions so easily but as a person you can forgive him. With this type of forgiveness, you aren't condoning anythings he did just as a person pray he gets better and that you are able to forgive him. Be sure to tell the niece's mother your feelings..
by jo929, Jun 19, 2008 01:29PM
To: Desi 269
You sound like a very nice, and sensible person, and you have every right to feel these things , like anger betrayal as it is not easy to know ones father is a prevert, but one thing that stands out strong in my mind is that, he is a sick prevert, and may try to molest a smaller child, if their is anyway to stop him do it, please tell you nieces father, and mother,, and when you get of age get out, and live you own life,and know that you have done nothing wrong., and you have not let his actions bend, or break you, you are the survivor, he is the worm, and you sound like a very wonderful person,to me,, also as a mother, i can not understand your mothers actions especially when he spoke to your sister like he did to you also tell your sister to take comfort in knowing other people do care, and that she to in time will grow spiritually strong like you, as for as you asking what to do about forgiving him. I simply will be honest, and say i really dont know what you should do, maybe talk it over with a minister, or someone you trust, an older perso perhaps I do wish you and your sister lots of luck jo
by Desi269, Jun 19, 2008 11:55PM
To: Everyone
Thankyou soo much for the advice. Its really helping me, especially jo929
by Helenkelly, Jun 20, 2008 05:50PM
To: Desi269
you poor sweetheart xx i was abused too.physically by my dad,sexually by my half sister xx if you can take anything from this desi its that you are helping someone right now,that may feel ''dirty'' or ashamed xx youre also showing them that its wrong and its not their ''fault'' xxxx as i always say pet ''you never get over it,you get through it'' you never have to forgive xxxx
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