Past Problems...Opinion ANYONE please...

[Crittle86]

This is my first time talking about this its seems to be eating at me more and more as i get older....I have had some things happen to me as a young girl and have never talked about and said to myself that i would take it to the grave with me! until now .. I know it was abuse but not to a extreme extent or mybe it was but ..im hoping that this will help me deal abit more..

I was about 5 or 6 years old and one of my childhood friends was being sexual abused and she would touch me too, at the time i didnt know it was wrong because i didnt know any better at my age i didnt know anything about sex. I never told my parents and still have not... But i do remember being very uncomfertable and upset all the time but just did not know why!..

It had gone on for awhile and i didnt want to go with my parents to her house because of that..but they drug me with anyways and told me to stop being a brat...

Then at the age of 8 one of my parents friends husband had kissed me on the lips and my mother had seen it and again nothing was done ,I remember my step father being upset but it was not talked about with me....I am 20 now and these mems still haunt me and i cant seem to get rid of them... I'v been with my b/f for a year and 2 months And i dont know if i should tell him about my past, im a very sexual person and i think its because of my past, Now as a adult i know it was wrong and get angry  with myself and towards my parents for letting it happen and not listioning to me when i didnt want to go places...

Is this something i should let my b/f know or should i just take it to the grave as my orginal plan..thanks

[RockRose]

crittle, I don't think you'd find many children who haven't had at least this level of sexual behavior in their childhoods.  The man shouldn't have kissed you on the lips,  and it sounds like quietly your parents dispatched with him,  but didn't discuss it with you?  

And you and a friend played "doctor" on several occasions when you were 5 or 6.  

I really don't think you will find anyone - who has good longterm memory of their childhoods - who hasn't had that level of behavior as a child.

Maybe the first step would be to try to think deeply and figure out exactly what part of all this is the most worrisome for you.  Is it that you didn't let your parents know and ask for help?  Is it that you feel abandoned by your parents for not investigating further?  Is it that you feel guilty for engaging in sex play with another child?  Maybe all three?  

And importantly why this is bothering you now to the point that you want to discuss it with your boyfriend.  What's going on NOW, in your life,  that this is an issue?

Best wishes.

[margypops]

Maybe there is some other Anxiety going on in your life, the things you mention are not anything to dwell, on you are not alone most of the Population has had similar experiences, its all in the Past. Some Therapy may be in order if you are really worried about it, thre are a ton of good Books out there that address aspects of this, coming here and getting feedback is a good thing aswell r,Talking it out never hurts.I

[jo929]

I agree with both of the above posts, you really did nothing wrong, all children play doctor, and nurse, and, it is a chld thing, try to forget these things, i agree something is going on with you, but do not think it is this. My answer would be to keep this to yourself or just forget it, as children do this at a certain age, explore so to speak, and what you say about your friend touching you is normal, but what do you mean your friend was being sexually abused,? and by whom, that bit worrys me unless you are describing something else , like just touching I do think that the man was wrong in kissing you on the lips, but things like that happen, and why would that bother you now, I do believe that what is really bothering you,is the fact( where you say I am a very sexual person) but you want to blame that on  what you thought was childhood abuse , which is wrong, because most people are very sexual with someone they care about, and it is not caused by what you described,  as abuse so quit worrying and just enjoy it, i am quite sure your boyfriend does,, so why mess up a good thing . move forward and quit thinking about these things ,some children have really been abused as a child  but it does not sound like you were abused just curious, as most chidren are I do think these thought are just child things and there is no need to share these with the B.F.  lots luck  jo

[teko]

I agree with all the above. Good luck and have a wonderful life. In the scheme of things, these that yu speak of are minor.

[samii89]

its is a very hard thing 2 go through! the same thing happened to me when i was 6 by 2 16yr old lads that had been abused! it tears away at me and i dont think i will ever get over it! wot do u do 2 try get over it and forget it?

[momagain59]

I would share this with a therapist instead of your bf. Most relationships don't last forever and people talk when they are over. I would also share it with your parents to see if they remember this the same way that you do. When they forced you to go someones house to play, were they aware of what was going on? The abuse could've been a lot worse but that should not mimimize the pain that you are in. I'm sorry this happened to you.

P.S. You may have more memories later and that might explain why being sexually active is bringing up the past. I read an excellent book called, Repressed Memories.

[Crittle86]

ya i guess thats true enough...i'll have to see someone i guess, those mems just wont leave me alone....i can go the longest time without it and just some little thing will trigger it back and i hate it....no my parents where not aware of it..by the time they found out my friend was being sexually abuse, we where in our late teens and i was moved away....and i figured at that age it didnt really matter to my parents..i dont know..
I always tell myself it would have been worse but it dont seem to help...its just the FACT that one MAN took something from my friend and she did the same to me... then having some dirty old man kiss a child,i just would have been a much more happy child and a much more sane adult....I'll HAve to try and find that book...thanks so much...If u have any children they are lucky they have a smart mom like you,,, thanks again :)