Potty Training -- what age?

[888mom]

What age do kids with language delays learn potty training?  My daughter is turning 3 in October.  One of my inlaws has been bugging me about potty training my daughter, and I tried a couple months ago and it was just not goign to happen (I don't think she is first of all able to tell when she has to go, has enough control over her bladder, and can't have a conversation with me to talk about it).  My mom said my brother was 4 when he learned.  One of my nieces didn't learn until a few months before her 4th birthday.  My sister said she just was not ready.  I feel the same way about my daughter.  So, why do other people feel the need to tell me when my daughter is ready when I think I am the best judge of it?  Also, her speech therapist warned me that kids who have language delays (receptive as well as spoken) often potty train very late, well after their 3rd birthday.

So I guess my question is for people who have older children... when did they learn to potty train?  When did you start trying to teach them?  Did you recognize they were too young and stopped trying and waited 6 months?  Or longer?  

Another question is... if my daughter goes to developmental preschool at age 3, I am told that she does not need to be potty trained.  Is this correct?  Or do they just make your kid sit in a poopy diaper if they have to do #2?  Or would they call you to come change them?  What if their diaper is really heavy from #1?  Do they even bother to check if your kid can't communicate their need?  Do they change diapers in developmental preschools?  Do they allow parents to stay at the school or nearby in case something happens?

[mich97]

my son also has language delays..he was trained at 3 years 3 months..with both my boys (and will do w/ my infant daughter when the time comes) was during the summer months around the house i would have them w/ no pants/diaper on..it did make a few messes on my floor but w/ no pants on my delayed son got the feeling/sensation when he had to go (he is still not bladder trained at night but so what) w/ lots of rewards/praise he was trained...i also have a few friends that swear by this method too, good luck...

also, w/ these developmental programs they SHOULD have aides that change the kids..i know when my son went there was a few in diapers..I would check into and find out the policy when they need to be changed etc..........

[MJIthewriter]

I think I was 4.  I remember bits of the process but not a lot.

[888mom]

Well, I guess 4 isn't a bad age... My friend right now is having problems with her kids... evidently they are immitating the family dog and this summer they keep going potty like the dog does on the fire hydrant in their neighborhood.  I guess kids will be kids.  I should be happy my daughter isn't trying to go on the fire hydrant.  We don't have a dog, so I guess she wouldn't have anywhere to pick up that from.  And our neighbor's girl turned 3 last month and she still hasn't been potty trained and she speaks quite well.  So it's not only language delays, I suppose, that can cause late potty learning.  

The thing I'm fretting about is the cost... my daughter is only 2 1/2, and she's the size of a 4 year old.  She's 40 inches tall and 40  pounds (if you look at a growth percentile chart, even if she was just turning 4, she'd be at the 55% for height!).  She's starting to outgrow the size 6 diapers... and I can't find size 7 though I know they exist.  I just wish a store would stock them!!  Pull ups are so expensive.  She's not overweight and she doesn't even eat junk food (she has a very limited diet of what she will eat, and almost all of it is healthy stuff... she won't eat red meat or even french fries and she's allergic to eggs so that rules out cake and cookies and junk stuff).  She's just so darn tall.  Well, my friend has a boy who is also the same age (1 week older than my daughter).  He's actually quite tall for his age as well.  He's 43 inches tall and 45 pounds and she had to spend over $200 on a special order car seat because he should be in a booster instead of car seat but legally you can't put a 2 year old in a booster seat.  They have to be 4 years old.  She is thinking of putting him in pull ups, but she said he just refuses to potty train.  So, what do you do with really tall kids who are outgrowing diapers?  My daughter is already in 4T clothes.  Not sure how long the pull ups will last for.  They have 2T, 3T, and 4T pull ups.  Don't see any size 5 pull ups in the stores.  *sigh*

[myfivebrats1972]

my daughter also has a speech delay and i hate to say but she is 8 and i still cant get her to understand.

[MJIthewriter]

I had a fun thought when I was lurking the child behavior forum. When looking up info to help me learn about cats, I noticed one common complaint would be litterbox issues.  Then when I lurk on forums dealing with parents and small or differently abled children, there'd be potty training issues.

My mind has an odd way of putting things together... Perhaps some of the litter box training methods would work for children?  (except you don't use a litter pan...)

[888mom]

Okay, how do you train a cat?  My parents had a cat when I was growing up, but we got the cat after the mom cat trained the baby cats how to use the litter.  Our neighbor has 5 cats... maybe I could ask her.  My daughter loves the cats... they come into the yard all the time.  :)  2 of them are totally outdoor cats, though.  

[MJIthewriter]

This is getting more into a discussion suited for the cat forum, but oh well...

What kind of training do you want?  For training our cats "sit"  I think it's the same method you'd do with a dog. I hold a treat or their food dish, say, "Sit" and lightly push their rear until they "sit". I do that the first few times, and then will expect them to do it on their own. I'll just keep saying "sit" until they actually sit down. Once they sit down, I give them the treat or their food.

It takes a bit of patience but if you are firm and don't give up, cats can be trained.

I will mention that the hand trick did not work well with training my grandma's cat. (He'd try to bite my hand).  If you have a cat like that, then you may have to skip that part and see if you can catch him/her in the act of sitting and say "sit" while they are doing it.

I notice at feeding time if I hold up the dish, eventually the cats will sit down or try to stand and swat...  I trained a foster cat to sit pretty that way. I'd say something like "up" and hold up a treat until he looked like he was standing/sitting up on two legs.
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Most tricks food is a good modivator. It works best if you don't leave food out for your cat all the time.  As far as litter box training goes, I haven't had to do that with our cats. We have adult cats.  You can post in the cats forum or you can try putting your cat in a small room (for an adult) or good size cage (for a kitten) with a litter pan. The limited space should encourage the cat to use the litter pan rather than their sleeping or eating quarters.  After the cat gets a good grasp on where it is to go, you can try giving the cat more space.

[MJIthewriter]

If you have a cat that has stopped using its litterbox then that's a different issue. It could be medical, or it could be a number of things.

The cat possibly not liking the litter texture, smell, size of box, location, amount of traffic in the room, is what I am reminded about when I read stories about children who may use one bathroom or one toilet but no others in the house.  Or I'll read soemthing odd like a kid peeing on the carpet (somewhere in the archives on this forum I believe) but refusing the toilet...

That's where my mind puts the two behaviors together even though you're looking at two different species.

[888mom]

I have a friend who's child is peeing on firehydrants now... he's been imitating the family dog.  She says he does it because he thinks it's funny.  Last year she was dealing with her daughter going on the carpet in her (the mom's) bedroom.  The daughter was upset at her because she started working full time and had to go to full day preschool.  That incident reminded me of my parent's cat.  They'd go away on vacation and have a neighbor come in every day to change the litter box and feed the cat.  The cat was mad at my parents for leaving for a week, so the cat peed on their bed and all over their bedroom.  nowhere else in the house, just there.  Her two kids are NT... but they like all kids have some  behavior issues to work out.  I try not to laugh too much over the boy going pee on the fire hydrant like the dog... it is kind of funny to imagine.  Is kind of funny that humans can have similar behaviors and repsonses that animals do.  My sister potty trained one of her daughters by rewarding going with M&Ms... which is similar to rewarding a dog with a doggie biscuit after obeying a command.  Maybe I'll just read a few books on the topic and figure out how... I have a feeling I'll probably buy one of those silly videos that your child watches... where they see one of their favorite characters from a tv show (like Elmo from  Sesame Street) potty train.  

Hearing about cats is intersting.  I don't own one currently, but I want to get one.  I have cat allergies... but I hear there are cats that have fur instead of hair, and they don't shed their fur.  There are also hairless cats (they are bald!) and i don't  want one  of those because they look so strange I think seeing them would disturb my view of how cats are supposed to look.  The fur cats look like regular cats... they just don't shed.

Is there a cat forum?

[Sally44]

My son potty trained at around 3.  He stayed in nighttime pull ups for about a further 6 months, then I covered the mattress in plastic and let him have accidents.  This probably lasted a further 6 months.  Washing the bedding was a pain, especially if he wet the bed 2 or 3 nights running.  But at least the mattress was okay.
I don't think there's any set age, when you start to factor in delays or autism you really have no manual that goes along with the diagnosis.
Just have a go and see what happens.  School/Summer holidays are always an easier time to try.  If she is showing no sign of discomfort wearing diapers, you could just remove them during the day and see what happens.  You would need to take her to the toilet frequently to try to avoid any mistakes and giving some kind of reward that she would like is going to reinforce the toilet behaviour.  It doesn't have to be food, it could be her favourite DVD.
At nightime I was told to take them to the toilet about 30 minutes before bed, and then when they've used the toilet take them back again about 5 minutes before bed for a second go.  That worked very well.
But, if it isn't working just don't stress about it.  They do tend to get it eventually and stressing out about it isn't worth it.  Check with pre-school what their diaper policy is.
Although you maybe finding problems finding diapers in her size, there must be stuff available, because children/adults of all ages can be incontinent for any number of reasons.  You could find out through your GP if you could get a precription for free diapers because of her diagnosis.  In the UK you would get them for free through your GP or Social Services.

[MJIthewriter]

yes there's a cats forum:
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/3

I agree. Humans and animals have a lot in common along with differences. Humans ARE animals...like it or not...lol.

My dad was over this weekend. Darn I forgot to ask him how he potty trained me... But then again, something tells me it was perfectly natural for me to not think to bring up that subject during our 4th of July party, lol. Maybe if you pm him and get his attention he can shed light on that...

I think they probably used positive reinforcement.  I think if I recalled it right, if I did soemthing in the little toilet, they likely praised me or something...

Plus I think the smell of wet urine in my pants and the wet feeling was getting old... I remember having an "accident" in one of the early pre-school