hand flappin

[myfivebrats1972]

im justwondering if a child can hand flap,have sensory issues,echolilia,speech delay,and social delay for other reasons other then autism?cause when she waas like 10 months right up till she was around 2 she did the hand flappin and now at the age of 8 she still has all the other issues but she dont hand flap anymore she just likes  to open and close her hands usually when she wants me to pick her up.

[Sally44]

Have you googled the diagnostic criteria under DSM IV?
This tends to cover three areas: communication (ie. language), social interaction and repetitive/restricted actions or routines.
You have mentioned things from all the three categories.
It might help if you looked on the Health Page which you can access from this website.  Click on the icon on the top right hand side.  I have put the criteria in there and have asked parents to add examples of their own children's behaviour, because each child will show difficulties in those same three areas, but the difficulties will manifest themselves differently.  For example one child might hand flap and spin all the time, whilst my son only does it rarely if watching a DVD he is very excited about.  Another child might need to stick to rigid routines and get upset if someone does things differently.  My son has no problem with that as long as his expectations are met and plans are not changed at the last minute.
Just because a child gets a diagnosis of an autistic spectrum disorder does not mean that they won't develop and learn skills, it is just that in those three specific areas they will always have some problems.  There are plenty of businessmen/women with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism.  
I took my daughter to Climbing Club a few months back, and had phoned them prior to going to tell them my son was on the spectrum (just incase we had a tantrum about something).  After the session the instructor told me that he is diagnosed with Aspergers.  Autism is a mixture of abilities and disabilities, and some of their abilities are super abilities.
It might also help if you joined a parent support group because you would meet other families and would see how their children are and in what ways they are similar and in other ways different.
I saw a documentary on TV about a teenage boy with Aspergers, and he was going to go to a school disco, and his sisters were telling him what he should say to the other kids (especially the girls).  For example, they said, if a girls asks you how she looks, and she looks terrible, don't tell her that.  And he didn't get it.  He said wouldn't it be better to tell her she looks awful so that she doesn't do it again?  This clearly demonstrated his lack of social cues about what is the right/wrong thing to say and also demonstrated a lack of understanding another person's feelings in those situations.  I think most of us know that a teenage girl would not like to be told she looks awful.  She will have spent alot of time on her appearance prior to the disco and is expecting a response like 'wow, you look really great'.  But he thought it was better to be honest, especially since she had asked the question.

[MJIthewriter]

I too recommend you look at the health page. I'm not a parent, but I did try my best to add in my own examples.  Hand flapping may be a feature with autism, but one can be autistic and not flap their hands or shake a string.

I know a couple autistic people who would shake a string or a shoe-string.  I don't think I ever caught on to playing such games.  I played with my hands, but did not take to flapping them.

Like Sally44 said, about the honesty thing:

It's rough because I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am imagining myself in that one autistic person's setting...

If I was to tell someone what they want to hear, then I feel like I betrayed myself and God... Being brought up as a Christian, I view lying as an abomination...  So-o...

My choice is, either I make God mad (and my conscious) or do I make the person mad, and lose a potential friend... A non religious autistic person may not feel the concept of making a Higher Power angry, but they may still feel the guilt in their mind and that may stick in their head and consume their mind for the rest of the day or longer.

Yes it ***** to have that kind of weight on your mind...  That's not to mean I am 100% honest, but I do try what I can to keep from lying if I know it is a blatant lie and not have acted reflexively. (Put under intense pressure and I may act out of reflex more than honesty...) If I find out later what I said was a lie, I feel like I must "correct" it in order to be at peace with myself again...

Unfortunately that kind of mental burden does not work well in this day's society and does not win many friends...

Sometimes I'm learning to just let it go. If I had a verbal blip and said "niece" when referring to a cousin and the person I was engaging conversation with was a stranger, it really doesn't matter. I may feel bad for not being correct, but in the scheme of things, that stranger likely won't remember the same conversation as well as I may remember it... In fact even I forgot the main point of that conversation years ago. I'm just left with the memory I goofed...

[888mom]

I'm confused about the asking if you look great and not wanting to be told you aren't.  My brother and I are a year apart, and I knew growing up he was one of the few people who could and would be honest with me.  If I asked him how I looked, sometimes he'd say stuff like "you know that dress may be fashionable but it sure makes you look like you are wearing a potato sack."  Everyone I dated, with the exception of my husband, was always like you look great.  As a woman, how can you believe what anybody says if they are just goign to lie to you and tell you you look fine?  So, I guess that is just one more reason I fell in love with my husband and one really cool thing I love about him is that he won't lie to me.  Personally, I would not see saying stuff like that a social problem.

[MJIthewriter]

I think the major issue is how to break bad news and offer constructive criticism without hurting someone's feelings.

Obviously that can't be done, but there must to be some way to soften the blow and do it in a way that can be respectful and considerate of the other person's feelings.  That's something I'm trying to learn...

I guess timing also plays a part. If there's a way to catch someone before they go out in public in a major event and say, "I don't think the style of that dress shows your beauty as well as perhaps another one." Perhaps that makes a world a difference.

I'm sure given the time to imagine scenarios, I can come up with some pretty good ideas, but in practice, real life doesn't give those chances... You're expected to respond in an instant and make good judgment on the fly...

I think overall in such situations, teaching an autistic person how to make good constructive criticism while being mindful of the other person's feelings, is likely the best in both worlds. (rather than trying to make them give "white" lies.)  It's not to say that it will always work out, but hopefully be more socially acceptable, while allowing the autistic person to be true to their own character.

Someone out there will likely respect that much more than someone who lies to make them feel better, as well as someone who is overly blunt and doesn't seem to care.

[Sally44]

I think the point with questions like that is that NT's tend to know it has the potential to open a can of worms.  In a long term relationship I would say something to my husband and he would probably say something to me.  It is almost like the question, "if you saw your friend's husband out with another woman would you tell her?".  There are so many possible repercussions to that, that most people just avoid having to answer.
To the question 'does my bum look big in this', (and it does!), you can either (a) lie and say no (keep the friendship/relationship the same), or (b) say yes it does (possibly keep the friendship/relationship, but you might argue about it, or she could really appreciate your honest opinion, or (c) maybe the better option would be to say 'it doesn't look big to me, its volumptuous and I like my ladies like that'.  That response is one most women would want and is tactful enough to avoid telling her she's got a fat *** whilst also managing to compliment her at the same time!!  Surely that is a win/win situation.
But people don't tell the truth all the time to avoid confrontation.

[Sally44]

The other point about being asked 'do I look good in this' is that it depends where you are.  If you ask someone whilst still at home, you can always change your clothes.  If they are at the disco, and think they look great, and ask you the question so that you compliment them, but you turn round and say 'that dress looks awful'.  What can they do.  They can't go home to change.  They have to spend the whole night knowing they look bad, which will ruin their night.  If you say 'yes I love the dress', then at least they will enjoy their evening.
The other hint the sisters gave to their brother was to only talk on a topic for 5 minutes before shutting up.  Because he couldn't interpret other peoples expressions and therefore had no idea if they were interested or not, so they said he needed to limit his talking on his obsessions (I think it was computer programming and bar codes).

[Sally44]

The other part of that same question to take into consideration is that, as 888mom said, it is different if you ask someone you know and love.  You are more likely to take any criticism positively and they are more likely to tell you the truth.  However if you ask a stranger, especially if you are doing it to get a compliment because you think you look red hot, you aren't going to take kindly to being told you look dreadful.  But all of this just gives an example of how complex the social stuff is for those on the spectrum.  If the situation and protocols are spelt out to them then they can probably think about it and work out a good answer.  The difference is that NTs (neurotypicals) somehow know this social stuff of what to say and do in different situations and can weigh up all the different characteristics of each individual situation to give the best answer and they mostly do it as a reflex answer and don't need to think and analyse the situation.

[myfivebrats1972]

i had my daughter tested at a private speech tharapist friday and she called me today and told me she is 3yrs delayed in pragmatic language and 2 other things was a yr delayed,she doesnt know about about one other thing cause mariah was not really using her language she was just pointing and saying a couple words here or there.i know its probally signicant because for instance if she wants to say something like so u cant she would say at u cant or instead of saying im still hungry she says at i to hungry.

[Sally44]

Have a look at Semantic/Pragmatic Disorder http:// www. hyperlexia.org/sp1. html (but take out the spaces).

[Sally44]

There may also be problems with Executive Functions Disorder.  One of the difficulties they can have under that umbrella is not understanding time.  If you have no understanding or concept of time other than the here and now it will manifest itself in speech.  For example my son will say 'for I go to the cinema'.  Instead of 'when' he uses the 'for'.  Because he has no concept of when 'when' will be.  He will also ask 'is it on this day'.  Maybe she cannot use the word 'still' because it is also a time related word.  So she uses 'to' instead.
With Executive problems there can also be difficulties in planning, sequencing, following instructions, predicting outcomes, time management, understanding the concept of time etc.  Google it and see if that sounds relevant.  Alot of these difficulties also come under 'autism', and there are alot of strategies that can be put into place to help with these difficulties ie. visual timetable, time line etc.