Signs of autism?

[Jessx3]

My husband godson, whom I babysit regularly is 4 years and ten months old.  He is the youngest in his pre-school class.  His parents use this as an excuse for him being socially withdrawn.  He is also behind in motor skills.  He doesn't do things for himself the way other children do.  He doesn't dress himself or put his own shoes on.  He doesn't wipe himself after using the bathroom.  And there are times when he needs help with something and he will just grunt and moan and expect me to know what he wants.  I tend to get frustrated because his parents allow this type of behavior.  He does everything at a slower pace than other kids his age, therefore, his parents carry him a lot.  He also has a sensitivity to loud noises.  He doesn't respond right away when I talk to him and he sometimes stares out into space with a blank look on his face.  He is in the same class as my daughter who is only four months older than him.  As a stay home mother, I volunteer a lot of my time to assisting the teacher in their class room.  I have observed him many times being withdrawn from the other kids.  He will play by himself in a different area away from the other kids. He doesn't want to try to do things for himself.  I am not sure how to talk to the parents about this.  My middle child had some developmental and speech delays, but we got him help as soon as we recognized the problem, he was two.  He is now about seven years old and doing very well.  He no longer needs any speech or occupational therapy.  I have seen signs of delays in children, and this little boy definately has many.  Is it possible he may have a form of autism?  And if so, how do I address his parents on the subject?

[Anny1983]

This is a hard one. But I think it'll depend on how close your relation with the parents is. You could probably start out by talking about your own experience, what you did and how you recognize such delays, behavior on your own children. It's hard to talk to parents about topics like these, because as they can take it the right way, they can take it the wrong way and be very offensive to them. I hope more people give you more and better ideas. Good luck :)

[Sally44]

Who has the better relationship with the parents you or your husband?
As you regularly see the child in school it might be best to approach it from the angle that you too have a child who has had some delays and has received help.  I wouldn't mention autism to them at this stage.  The first point of call is usually the Speech and Language Therapist.  I would point them in that direction and explain to them that their child needs to be assessed because if he does have a language delay it will affect his ability to access learning in the classroom.  I would also probably advise them to go to their GP or paediatrician rather than get a referal and assessment through school because the referall through Health is usually better.
It is a very hard situation.  I also know a mother who has a toddler with Downs Syndrome, but her older son goes to school with my son and I am convinced he is on the spectrum.  Maybe not enough to get a diagnosis, but if someone touches him unexpectedly he will break down in tears.  His mother is very good, but she does have the impression that her older son is mardy compared with what her toddler has had to put up with (countless operations etc).  So I feel she doesn't really understand or sympathise with her older son.  But, as she already as enough on her plate I too haven't said anything to add to her worries as apart from the oversensitivities, he is doing okay academically at school and seems to be coping with social interaction, although I can see that he struggles with it sometimes.
However the child you mention sounds worse than this.
I think you should just offer the advice, tread very carefully, say you've noticed he has some difficulties and they seem similar to your own child's etc and see if they take it from there.  Don't get upset if they get angry or upset with you, at least you will have tried.  Infact the class teacher should also be picking up on these difficulties.  Have you raised them with her?

[Jessx3]

The teacher agrees with the fact he is delayed, however, my children go to a small christian day school and they don't have the access to specialists in the school.  My son attended a program at our local public school until he was ready to join his siblings at the christian school.  My concern, is that although both the preschool and kindergarten teachers have both recommended he be withheld from going on to kindergarten, the parents aren't heeding the concerns of what the teachers or family is telling them.  At times, they act shocked at the mention of him having delays and other times they seem to be keyed in on it.  At this point I am really upset with the parents they seem to be neglecting his needs because of the interference in the own lives.  They have the thinking that it is the teachers problem, they are the ones who get paid to teach them.  At this time, I am not currently watching him anymore and it worries me.  They have a 13 yr. old girl watching him.  I appreciate the advice, however, it seems no matter what is said to them, unless they hear it themselves from a specialist, maybe, they aren't going to take the time to help this little boy.  They feel doctors are for illnesses, they just won't realize that this is a form of illness.

Thanks for the reply!!!

[Sally44]

If he continues to have problems, he will get further and further behind the other children and the teachers should be bringing that fact up with the parents and asking them if they agree to the child being referred to specialists.  That would be through the Education system.  The best way to get a diagnosis is through the Health system, which is through your GP, childs Paediatrician etc.
My own son didn't get picked up until he started school at 4.5 years old.  I did talk to my GP and Health Visitor about concerns I had for him, but was told not to worry.  But he did get a diagnosis of an autistic spectrum disorder and now he is 7 and doing very well socially, but he is still unable to read or write and he is definately a bright boy.  So I am going to move him to another school that has a mixture of mainstream children and those on the spectrum.  These children need teachers with experience and expertise in autism because they need to be taught in a different way.
All you can do is be there for the parents.  You could enquire occasionally about how he is doing in school and if they say he is having problems then you could suggest he was evaluated to try to get to the bottom of what was causing it.