very hurt

[Buttercuppy]

    I haven't posted here in awhile and I really just need to vent to someone and this is always a safe place for me. I just really don't know what to do about my boyfriends "best friend." I put it in quote because they're only really friends during summer when we all work together. To give some background to the issue I'll say first that I used to be casual friends with his best friend Joe. From the start he and I were kind of rocky, just two very different people. I'm a person who gets very upset very easily and he hates that. So you can imagine our share of arguments. At one point we got to be pretty close and then he just started being really rude to me again saying that I was "a pathetic excuse for a human being" "a disgrace to the human race" and other really rude things like that. I brushed it all off because he was a fun person to be around and I for some reason enjoyed his company.
     Since April he and I have not really been on the best terms because he didn't take my advice about dating someone. (Silly I know) It just gave me an easy out because I felt so worn down by the things he said to me. So he would constantly bug me at work to talk to him and what not and finally I gave in and decided to give it another shot. Well not three hours later he flipped out on me and called me names and what not and my boyfriend stood there for a minute and then once he finished yelling at me my boyfriend said that was enough. This hurt me a lot because I don't think there should be a point where you have to say ok enough. It shouldn't of started in the first place. So we had a talk about that and everything was fine. So today at work it was the usual "hey what's up, why are you back here, you shouldn't loiter" nonsense to try to get me to talk, from Joe. Well I ignored him for the most part and at one point he just said something stupid and I got infuriated and said that if I had a knife I'd cut his face into a million pieces (very middle school drama I know but it just came out) so in retaliation he told me if he had a knife he'd lend it to a dr. to start liposuction on me. (I am overweight but not that much, I wear a size 16 pant and a large top and they fit how they should not skin tight or super baggy) This absolutely crushed me, I've had to deal with being told I was fat or I should lose weight but that just took it over the top for me.
    The issue here is that I told my boyfriend I didn't deserve to be treated the way Joe treats me and he said he understood completely and I told him just to put into perspective how serious I was that if he kept treating me like that (Joe) that I would make him pick between the two of us. Not ever really planning on doing it. Well today pushed me over the top and I told him it was one or the other. And I explained why and that if one of my so called best friends was treating him like that I'd put him first. Well he said he couldn't pick which was a slap in my first since he always says how I come first. But then he said what bothered me most, "if it was anyone else I'd punch them square in the mouth." This to me was like him saying you come before everyone but Joe. And he doesn't understand why I'm so hurt and upset. I'm just honestly at the point right now where I've been crying since I left work at 6 and it's now 11:30, and I'm so hurt that I don't know what to think or do. So I find myself here venting to you. And I'm sure some of you will say some not so nice things but hey go for it I already hit rock bottom tonight so it won't bother me. Just anything right now...please and thank you

Buttercuppy
sorry this is soo insanely long and whiney

[treazzure007]

you dont deserve to be treated as such.  i want you to ignore this guy completely from now on.  seriously.  no matter what he says, ignore him.  no remarks, no gestures (bird flipping, eye rolling) NOTHING.  it gets easier the longer you stick to it until you no longer "hear" it or he gets bored from not getting you riled up.  that is the easiest way to make this type of harasser lose interest is to cut off all reactions, all communication.  it will work.  trust me i'v done it several times on several people in life

dont really know what to tell you about your boyfriend though.  i feel you should tell him exactly how you feel after what he's said to you.  him being fine w/ being friends w/ someone who disrespects you and mistreats you is just a red flag for him being insensitive and potentially not suited for a long term mate.  you think about it

[AJH84]

If you work with Joe, then maybe you should think about filing a harassment charge against him with the department of human resources of the company or with the manager/supervisor. I'd give yourself another week or two and ignore him, like Treazzure007 suggested, so that you're nose is clean and he has nothing against you. Then after that period of time, if his verbal harassment hasn't subsided, file a report of harassment with the company or with your supervisor.

And I'd ditch your boyfriend, but that's just me. The whole statement of, "If it was anyone else I'd punch them square in the mouth" would have done it in for me right then and there. But you have an emotional bond with him, so I can see how it would be difficult to just dump him. Seriously though, the fact that he won't stand up for you when it comes to this guy is inexcusable.

[MrsOckert]

Buttercup,  I am so sorry you were afraid you would get negative responses on here.  Sometimes the responses aren't what someone is looking for but, it's usually the truth they need to hear.

However, in your case I haven't seen anything you've done wrong.  You're being treated inexcusably by both men and that's just so unfair to you.  You're "boyfriend" should always put you before anyone else and I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through.  I've been there and sometimes it's a million times worse because you think you care for your boyfriend and deserve the way you're treated and you don't.  You don't deserve it at all.

The comment you made about the his face was inappropriate, but you already know that so enough said there.

Start reading some self-esteem books and see if we can't get you to start believing that you're better than being treated like that!!

[jo929]

I know that it will be a hard thing to ignore him,, but if you work with him you will have to, or quit, or turn him in,The writing is on the wall. your boyfriend thinks more of joe than he does you,It sounds like joe is trying real hard to break you up,, and if he prefers joe tell him good luck and goodbye, that you care for him but you  will not be treated this way by anyone,, also do as mre Ockert suggested build up your self estem think more of your self, and others will too because this argueing with joe seems to make his day,and snubbing him will be something new, go after it girl you will win this battle, you are young,.so now remember you are turning over a new leaf, you are a new person, you do not even show joe any attention just act like he is the invisible man and lots luck you are important to someone,, and always remember you are somebody   luck  jo sorry about the typing i never took typing and as you can see i am not so good at it.

[Buttercuppy]

Thank you guys all so much for your support! It really means a lot to me. My boyfriend and I are still kinda iffy about Joe. He hasn't said much lately I just get dirty looks now which is better than hurtful comments. As far as my boyfriend goes, he's still good friends with him...he even left my house on our 11 month mark to go hang out with him and then wouldn't take me to dinner...so I'm starting to really see where I fall on his list of priorities. I just can't bring myself to break it off just yet, I don't know if I'll ever be able to. Thank you again though! You're all wonderful people =]

[MrsOckert]

Well, I imagine you'll know when its time to move on.  You'll have had enough and go look for someone to treat you better.

And believe me, you do deserve to be treated better.  Best Wishes.