I need help

[ashley9111]

I've been with my guy for about 1 year 4 months now and we have a good relationship but!...
i dont understand why he always gets these little childish attitudes when i say im tired and im going straight
home from work. because yesturday was my high school graduation and i slept there that nite ..he was sick
and i couldnt sleep that nite and i was really tired but i had to make work at 8:30 because i work with children at a summer day camp in the HOT SUN ON THE BEACH any way i had a hospital appointment after and i was tired becasue i havent had any sleep so i went home and rested i told him i was home and all he said was mm i asked him how was he feeling and he said as if you care and im like are you serious like...is this just an attitude because he really wanted to be with me or just and attitude?

[jo929]

You sound like a very sensible, and hatd working young lady, and It does sound like he has an attitude problem, maybe he will grow out of it , wait watch, and see, sounds like he should be a little more caring of you feelings  lots luck  jo

[MrsOckert]

He's a baby.  Sorry, but I have nothing to go on besides what you've posted and I have a friend who is married to the same kind of man.  He's very selfish and it's all about him all the time.  He would pull the same thing and say the same kinds of things.

He's in his 40's so no, without a big committment on his part to change it won't get better.

My advice is to go look for an adult.  Like jo said You sound very responsible and mature and I don't think you would be happy if his attitude never changed.

[teko]

I agree totally with the above posters. Nothing more that I can add except Good Luck!

[nyychic]

Okay my busband is a big ole baby when he's sick but other than that he's fine.  Is he only like this when he's sick?  You've been with him a reasonable amount of time.  Maybe he wanted to celebrate with you maybe he's a baby you've been with him long enough to determine if he acts like this all of the time ore not.  If he does watch out then he may be controlling as well.

[mami1323]

It definitely sounds a little immature and controlling.  He's upset because you didn't go back and spend time with him so he's making you feel guilty about it.  DON'T!!!   You have every right to catch up on rest and have your alone time.  Relationships get very boring and dull quickly if you are with that person 24/7.  He'll learn if you act like his attitude and comments don't have any effect on you.  Just tell him you will talk to him when he's in a better mood and hang up.

[ashley9111]

thanks everybody,, i really do love him and only want the best for him but how do i show him that i am not like his ex..(she cheated on him) i mean like im that type of person that if you know me well you'd know i wouldnt do those types of things and i wouldnt im a ride or die chick and a good friend but i think that he's having a hard time of letting go of that fear because he's over his ex i know that but its this little wall thats stopping him from trusting me fully because i treat him honestly like my husband and i've been hurt before too but he is my best friend and i tell him everything our relationship has never really been boring maybe a little at times but not much and weve been through alot together and work them out through communication most times and i think that he has yet to understand that i am here ..here for him and him only ..(friends of course too but you know what i mean) so should i just wait for him to see that or what should i do

[mami1323]

There really isn't much you can do.  It's his insecurities that he has to work through.  He will either change over time because he will start to realize that you are a good girl and learn to trust you or it will take you stepping away and him seeing that he lost someone good because he couldn't let his guard down and was too controlling.  I was in your similar situation with my current fiance.  He to had a terrible marriage where his wife had cheated on him numerous times.  He used to get all bent out of shape if I wanted to go out with friends or if I didn't pick the phone up right away when he called.  He would get very jealous and tried to tell me what I could or couldn't wear.  Well needless to say, I'm a very independent woman and I don't let any man tell me what I can and cannot do.  So I almost ended the relationship and it was the jolt he needed to realize if he didn't do a quick 180 then he would lose a good thing.  Now he's very secure with our relationship and more laid back.  So it really is up to you whether you want to stick with it and see what happens or you want to take a break and see if he changes.  But ultimately, you may get tired of the bs and leave anyway.  Good luck.

[teko]

If you are going to continue in this relationship, you will have to do some things to break this control and insecurity issue that your guy is having. The very best way of doing that, if it can be done that is, is to not enable or feed it. What I mean by this is, you should not stop doing, going, nor should you alter your wants, or plans in any way to suit his insecurity. If you do this one time, he will do it again and again because he will know by throwing attitude, it will get him what he wants. The more he gets what he wants, the worse it will be thereby making it almost impossible to change unless you leave the relationship. If you make plans to go out with a friend, stay over for whatever reason etc, and he wants you to not go and tries to stop you either by whining, all of a sudden making plans that will interfere with your plans etc, do not EVER altar your plans or change your mind and not do it. This is absolutely imperative. When he realizes that you are not giving in to his insecurity, he may change his attitude. The only way his trust will build is to see that he has nothing to fear.  If you give him his way he will continue the insecurity and trap you in it as well, thus making you pay forever for what someone else did to him. Good luck.

[MrsOckert]

There isn't anything you can do about his jealousy.  My best friend married a man who was cheated on in the past.  They've been married for 8 years now and he still accuses her of cheating on him.  He calls her on her cell up to 15 times a day and if she doesn't answer within two rings he makes all kinds of accusations.  

My friend was married to a man who cheated so she knows what it feels like.  She would never do that to someone she was committed to; however, you cannot get that through her current husbands head.

Nor will you ever be able to "convince" your boyfriend that you won't do that.  He will either come to accept it over time or he won't.  But either way there is nothing you can do to convince him.  Think long and hard about whether you want to stay in a relationship that has such serious trust issues.  It's a very difficult road.

Good luck.

[ashley9111]

thanks guys ..i have a much older sister about 30 and she lives away so theres really no one that i can talk to i mean my cousin is the same age but she is busy with school and sometimes ..most times i dont no because this is my first serious relationship mind you we do have fun..only cause im the romantic one i love to plan nice things and so on but he is not romantic at all ..ok let me back up he is in his own way..

[ashley9111]

o and guess what i wasnt talking to him tuesday night nor wednesday and hardly today and he just texted me i love you what u think

[teko]

Way to go!

[jo929]

All of the above have given you good advice, I have lived in this ole world a long time, and    have known many people that are the jelous type, and it is hard for them to change,I am not saying that he can not, but you are young, and at a age that you shoild enjoy your youth  while you can,and he has been married, not that  it matters, i just want you to be careful, and make sure he will change, watch ,wait, and listen, and them deep down i think you will have an answer, so dont get to serious for awhile take care, i wish you well  also hope you keep us posted    luck  jo   P.S.  Stay as sensible as you are now, and you will be ok

[ashley9111]

Thanks guys!!s

[katarina777]

For both of you, it is crucial that you are as important to you as he is. You are one half of the relationship. Do not give yourself up for any man, and deep down they don't respect you for it, anyway. Taking care of yourself is 'self care', and there are a lot of problems and misunderstandings with the word 'selfish'.