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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Ok- I think I am Ready. No, I KNOW I am.
by LoveMyKids1, Jul 02, 2008 04:59PM
I Posted for the first time about a month ago and got some WONDERFUL responses. It is unbelievable how supportive everyone is and I think that if I had not found this forum I would probably never have made my mind up to quit. I'm ready. I want to get this **** out of my system. I don't want to depend on these opiates to function everyday. My kids deserve better.
Just to sum up my usage history, I've now been on Vic's, Norco's and Perc's for years and years due to bulging discs in my back. Over the weekend I completed my last days of about 10-15 7.5/325 percs a day. I ran out of a months supply in 2 weeks and panicked on Sunday. On Monday morning I found myself sitting in a "new" dentist's office chair complaining of a phantom "toothache" just to get a small supply of vic's in hopes to hold me over until refill time. I happily left the office with a script for some vic's (the lower dose basically just to taper with) and noticed that the dr had not put the date on the script, went back in, he fixed and left to the pharmacy. I drop it off, wait an hour, go to pick it up and they say that the dr did not put the DEA number on the script so they would have to call in the morning!! WHAT??!! NO, THIS WAS NOT AN OPTION. Instead of seeing this as a sign of being a TOTAL LOSER, I decide to call the on call dentist and complain to him until he finally (after 3 rounds of phone tag) calls the pharmacy w/ the number. I get the bottle in my hand, pop 2 of course then it hits me........... What did I just do to get these f**king pills??? My husband, my kids or no one else knew but me yet, I was so embarassed and ashamed. I just left work to go to this faux dentist appt, was late picking up the kids from daycare so that I could get to the pharmacy...... This had loser written all over it. But at that moment reality kicked me in the face. I took 2 pills out of the bottle and was so mad at myself that I took the lid off the bottle and threw them out of my window while on the freeway (now that I am thinking clearly) I know that this was not safe to do but I did it. I took one of the pills on Tues and I took the last one at 8am this morning. My whole body is aching and I feel like I just want to die. It is unreal that this addiction is so UNBELEIVABLY strong bc, do you believe that I actually contemplated going back to the area on the freeway to look for these dam pills????? Omg, I feel so crazy and so not myself. I have to make it through work tomorow and then I am off for the holiday weekend. I have been reading about all of the remedies to get through the withdrawls but I don't have access to any of the prescriptions recommended but I do have some muscle relaxers. I am going to make a run to the drug store for some of the recommended supplements, take a hot shower, take a muscle relaxer and let my battle begin. We have all suffered pain before which is why we started taking these devil drugs so, I dont think that the pain of the withdrawls are the biggest battle- It's the mental battle, the depression, the anxiety, the jitters and all of the addictive thoughts that are the ones that can break us. I just hope to be as strong as some of you on this board.
Just to sum up my usage history, I've now been on Vic's, Norco's and Perc's for years and years due to bulging discs in my back. Over the weekend I completed my last days of about 10-15 7.5/325 percs a day. I ran out of a months supply in 2 weeks and panicked on Sunday. On Monday morning I found myself sitting in a "new" dentist's office chair complaining of a phantom "toothache" just to get a small supply of vic's in hopes to hold me over until refill time. I happily left the office with a script for some vic's (the lower dose basically just to taper with) and noticed that the dr had not put the date on the script, went back in, he fixed and left to the pharmacy. I drop it off, wait an hour, go to pick it up and they say that the dr did not put the DEA number on the script so they would have to call in the morning!! WHAT??!! NO, THIS WAS NOT AN OPTION. Instead of seeing this as a sign of being a TOTAL LOSER, I decide to call the on call dentist and complain to him until he finally (after 3 rounds of phone tag) calls the pharmacy w/ the number. I get the bottle in my hand, pop 2 of course then it hits me........... What did I just do to get these f**king pills??? My husband, my kids or no one else knew but me yet, I was so embarassed and ashamed. I just left work to go to this faux dentist appt, was late picking up the kids from daycare so that I could get to the pharmacy...... This had loser written all over it. But at that moment reality kicked me in the face. I took 2 pills out of the bottle and was so mad at myself that I took the lid off the bottle and threw them out of my window while on the freeway (now that I am thinking clearly) I know that this was not safe to do but I did it. I took one of the pills on Tues and I took the last one at 8am this morning. My whole body is aching and I feel like I just want to die. It is unreal that this addiction is so UNBELEIVABLY strong bc, do you believe that I actually contemplated going back to the area on the freeway to look for these dam pills????? Omg, I feel so crazy and so not myself. I have to make it through work tomorow and then I am off for the holiday weekend. I have been reading about all of the remedies to get through the withdrawls but I don't have access to any of the prescriptions recommended but I do have some muscle relaxers. I am going to make a run to the drug store for some of the recommended supplements, take a hot shower, take a muscle relaxer and let my battle begin. We have all suffered pain before which is why we started taking these devil drugs so, I dont think that the pain of the withdrawls are the biggest battle- It's the mental battle, the depression, the anxiety, the jitters and all of the addictive thoughts that are the ones that can break us. I just hope to be as strong as some of you on this board.
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I did the same kind of things to feed my habit. I hated going to those doctors offices, but I did it every time becuase I was a slave to pills. Its a horrible, depressing, humiliating feeling. But, you are not alone and the fact that you threw them out shows that you are stronger than you know. I dont think I ever could have done that. Good luck, hang in there through your detox.