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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
voyeurism
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 08, 2008 01:43PM
, Jul 08, 2008 01:43PM
To: Mod1
Hello.
This is not a “one-size-fits-all” situation. No one can predict what’s going to happen in your marriage. Some couples are able to successfully incorporate another person into their sexual relationships, provided they have strong communication skills and lots of trust. For others, it doesn’t work at all due to jealousy, fears, etc.
So guess what I’m going to suggest? Talk about it. The fact that you’re willing to consider it shows that you are flexible and open-minded. This is a good thing and is probably one of the reasons your relationship is strong. Before you discuss this with your wife, you need to decide how YOU personally feel about having someone else watch you two being sexual. You need to identify what will work best for you. What are the pros and cons for you? What are your fears?
There are also some management issues to consider, such as whether someone else will be willing to just watch and not participate, and how you’ll deal with it if they try to join in. You’ll need to be able to effectively communicate to this person just what you two want. And lastly, you’ll need to find someone you can trust. I’d also suggest you do an online search of the words “open relationships.” Although you’re not in an open relationship per se, there’s lots of helpful information about managing sexual issues listed under this subject. Good luck! Dr. J
This is not a “one-size-fits-all” situation. No one can predict what’s going to happen in your marriage. Some couples are able to successfully incorporate another person into their sexual relationships, provided they have strong communication skills and lots of trust. For others, it doesn’t work at all due to jealousy, fears, etc.
So guess what I’m going to suggest? Talk about it. The fact that you’re willing to consider it shows that you are flexible and open-minded. This is a good thing and is probably one of the reasons your relationship is strong. Before you discuss this with your wife, you need to decide how YOU personally feel about having someone else watch you two being sexual. You need to identify what will work best for you. What are the pros and cons for you? What are your fears?
There are also some management issues to consider, such as whether someone else will be willing to just watch and not participate, and how you’ll deal with it if they try to join in. You’ll need to be able to effectively communicate to this person just what you two want. And lastly, you’ll need to find someone you can trust. I’d also suggest you do an online search of the words “open relationships.” Although you’re not in an open relationship per se, there’s lots of helpful information about managing sexual issues listed under this subject. Good luck! Dr. J
Build the fanasy but don't live it unless you keep a good attorney on retainer and have a pre-nup.\
Short term it might be fun but the reality would go bad quick.
They could get off on being watched, but no one was actually intruding into their relationship. Maybe something like that would be a compromise you could both feel comfortable with. ??