My children won't listen!

[momgoingcrazy0214]

I have 2 girls 3 &my stepdaughter is 7. My 3 year old has always had listening problems, but seem to be right in line with her age. She also is a very whining &dominating child in the sense that what is hers is hers and no one elses. She is a mommy's baby &tends to be more jealous when it comes to the 7year old getting my affection. The 7year old has only been in our household for 2months due to custody issues. She is a very loving and sweet child, but she also has listening problems. When she is told to do or not to do something, she either forgets or it becomes a battle. I feel that the age difference between them is a big problem, maybe I am wrong for thinking this way, but I feel that if the 7yrs. knows the set rules it should register with her more than the younger one. I almost feel that the younger one should be more of the discipline problem than the older one because she is still learning and her own personalitiy and ways to get around rules. Another problem is discipling them. I don't think they should be disciplined the same way due to the difference in age, but I also don't want one to think I am being harder on them than the other. I have never had to deal with 2children especially not ones so different in personality and age, so this is a learning process for me, but I just don't understand that if the older one is told to do something, why it seems impossible for her to follow through. I also feel that her actions have influenced the younger one, because what tiny amount of control I once had with her I don't have that at all anymore. I have tried rule lists, chore charts, reward games, activities, removing priviledges, gaining priviledges and nothing seems to work. I am at my wits end, and it also probably doesn't help that I am 7 months pregnant, I find myself yelling with no satisfaction, because I end up crying and feeling bad in the end and they still will not listen. They fight, argue, hit each other, scream and yell, and I am at a total loss.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

From a behavior management perspective, you really can adopt fundamentally the same approach with both of the children.  Of course there will be slight differences (for example, the duration of a time out), but the fundamental approach will be the same. The most expeditious way for you to proceed is to obtain a copy of Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents. If you follow his guidelines in detail, you will see very quick results. As you can tell, when you find yourself yelling at the children, such a reaction is due to your own frustration and sense of helplessness and it is not going to be helpful. Always try to maintain your equanimity. You can be a strong authority figure without resorting to yelling.