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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Is it normal for a child to say I want you to die?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Is it normal for a child to say I want you to die?
by MotherGoose26, Jul 08, 2008 01:33PM
My son who is almost 6 years old, has randomly started telling me he hopes I die. He will just come out and say this in the middle of playing. I have taken his things away that he likes most and washed his mouth out with soap and yet he still says it. Help!! I am at my wits end and need advice.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 08, 2008 04:43PM
, Jul 08, 2008 04:43PM
When children are angry and upset, it is not unusual for them to say such a thing. However, if the comment is made when he is calm and not in a state of emotional turmoil, it may well indicate a problem and he should be evaluated by a clinicial psychologist or other pediatric mental health clinician. Your punitive approach to the behavior is not a good idea. You will only engender anger and resentment, and it may be that your relationship with your son is not what it should be. You can't expect him to display positive regard for you if you are punishing him the way you are. As you think about this, do you think that perhaps the way you relate to your son needs some changing?
Member Comments (4)
by MotherGoose26, Jul 08, 2008 08:43PM
To: Kevin Kennedy
Me and my son have a wonderful relationship usually. I raise him alone and we do everything together. Since he finished kindergarden and summer vacation begin this negative attitude started coming out. I took him camping and in the middle of an activity he just came out and said it. He has never said this while being punished. If he does say it again do I punish and take stuff away or let it go? I am stumped becuz nothing in our life has changed and my relationship with him hasnt changed.
by portuguese mom, Jul 08, 2008 10:21PM
Have you tried to talk to him and not punish him? Tell him that "you will not die go away because you love him too much". Maybe he is trying to get attention from you even if it is the wrong kind of attention such as you punishing him. Since you are raising him alone, maybe he actually is scared that you will die and he is left alone. Tell him that you love him and that you are not going to die. Give him positive attention and do no try to duel on this too much. Maybe he will stop sayig such statements once he feels secure that you are not going to die and you verbally tell him that you love him. You also should tell him that he is hurting your feelings.
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 09, 2008 08:02AM
, Jul 09, 2008 08:02AM
No, definitely do not take things away or punish him in any other way. He has not done anything wrong. He is expressing a sentiment, and it's not clear what it means (it is likely he doesn't even know what it means). In any case, express curiosity about it, and talk with him, calmly, about his thought.
