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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
erection maintainence
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
erection maintainence
by bluesky44, Jul 09, 2008 01:16PM
Since I was a young man (the problem seemed to happen quite suddenly at about 20yo) I have had a problem in maintaining an erection long enough to satisfy my partner. I can control ejaculation, but if I do that for long enough then the I lose sensation - my penis starts to go numb and then I lose my erection and can't recover it again. The only solution , for me that is, to keep going fast enough to reach orgasm quickly - leaving my partner unsatisfied.
If I use oral or other means to give my partner an orgasm first, then the feeling has gone for me and I, or she, can't revive it. I am now 61, but age has nothing to do with the problem since it has always been the same. I am fit and healthy in all other respects and do not suffer from diabetic or anyother such problems.
Just to be clear this is not specific partner dependent
If I use oral or other means to give my partner an orgasm first, then the feeling has gone for me and I, or she, can't revive it. I am now 61, but age has nothing to do with the problem since it has always been the same. I am fit and healthy in all other respects and do not suffer from diabetic or anyother such problems.
Just to be clear this is not specific partner dependent
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 09, 2008 05:19PM
, Jul 09, 2008 05:19PM
To: bluesky44
Hi there.
First, let’s clear up something: you’re NOT the problem. There’s nothing wrong with you—or your penis. Sounds to me like you have an expectation that your partner “should” orgasm with penis-vagina (p-v) stimulation and that no matter how long it takes, you should hang in there. The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm.
You’re probably getting numb because you’re trying to continue long after your penis has said “enough!” And how about all that pressure you’re putting on your poor penis to be perfect?
I can assure you that what makes a great lover has nothing to do with erections and everything to do with being open to trying new things, being imaginative and spontaneous, and, most importantly, treating your whole body and a partner's whole body as sexual, not just your crotch. Trust me: your mind and interpersonal skills are the most important.
So stop putting pressure on yourself to last long enough for your partner to orgasm. Most likely, it’s not going to happen, and it has nothing to do with you.
However, if you and your partners are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by. Dr. J
First, let’s clear up something: you’re NOT the problem. There’s nothing wrong with you—or your penis. Sounds to me like you have an expectation that your partner “should” orgasm with penis-vagina (p-v) stimulation and that no matter how long it takes, you should hang in there. The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm.
You’re probably getting numb because you’re trying to continue long after your penis has said “enough!” And how about all that pressure you’re putting on your poor penis to be perfect?
I can assure you that what makes a great lover has nothing to do with erections and everything to do with being open to trying new things, being imaginative and spontaneous, and, most importantly, treating your whole body and a partner's whole body as sexual, not just your crotch. Trust me: your mind and interpersonal skills are the most important.
So stop putting pressure on yourself to last long enough for your partner to orgasm. Most likely, it’s not going to happen, and it has nothing to do with you.
However, if you and your partners are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by. Dr. J
