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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
Will it affect me?
by Daisy884, Jul 10, 2008 05:51PM
Hi--I was engaged 2 a guy, we broke it off 5 weeks ago 2day-yay! Anywayz...during our relationship, if that's what u call it, he would alwayz be so rude 2 me. I would wake up every morning wondering if he was going to be mean, or mad that day. I would alwayz have 2 watch what i say, and what i do, and how i interact with certain ppl, or else he would get mad. I couldn't talk 2 ANY guys, even my friends, or my sales reps at work (i was in charge of the reps), or else he would get mad. I couldn't look at guys, anything. I would alwayz do things 4 him 2 keep him happy, I would get him cards, buy him his fav game, his fav movie, etc, and he would tell me that he doesn't care about that, he only cares about sex, sex is the only way I can show him how much I love him. So if I did anything for him, like if he wanted a drink or something, he wouldn't appreciate it. I had 2 drop everything I loved so he wouldn't get mad, but then I had 2 be ok with everything he wanted 2 do, and I had 2 accept it. He would get so mad at me, and say the rudest things to me, and then he would tell me that I"m just going 2 have 2 "deal with it", deal with him being mean 2 me. If he was so mean and made me cry, he would just walk out saying "i can't deal with this" and then expect me 2 apologize 4 "making him mad" It was himself he was worried about, not me. If he was upset, he just left, but if I got upset, he got mad at me, I could never be upset or it made him more mad. I alwayz had to act happy. AFter we broke it off, he sent me all these txts how I'm fat (i'm not fat! i'm 5'9" and 140lbs.), he told me that he didn't wanna be with me after a few months and he just had 2 find a way out (i broke up with him cuz he started going back 2 some bad habits), he told me that i'm a **** and a ***** (i've only been with one other guy b4 him and i'm 23), he told me it was just a huge mistake 2 be with me, etc, etc, he just went on and on. And when we were dating he told me that if I don't give him what he wants, then I'm just going to have to deal with him being mean 2 me, he also told me that "my ex gf's put up with me being mean, so ur just going 2 have 2 deal with it 2". I could say tonz of stories, but I don't want this 2 be so long. But anywayz..my questions is, this won't stay with me, will it? I don't want it 2 interfere with my future relationships (if i ever get 2 that point). I don't have a problem meeting guys, but I seem 2 find the wrong ones, obviously. And its kinda my fault I guess 4 choosing them. I was just hoping that this relationship of being treated bad doesn't interfere or come back 2 me when I am dating somebody new? Kinda a weird question..but I hope someone can help! Thanks!
Member Comments (5)
by teko, Jul 10, 2008 06:38PM
It sounds like he is a narcicist. Google it, I will bet you it will describe him to a T. You need to take time off of serious relationships. Go out, have fun, try to stay in a group setting of friends for awhile and work on getting your self esteem back again. Find out what you want in a life partner, and do no settle for anything less. Then, when you do get into a serious relationship, do not jump into a physical one. Work on getting to know each other and keep your eye out for red flags and when you see one, go in the other direction. If you do this, you will meet the right one for you.
by Daisy884, Jul 10, 2008 08:24PM
To: RockRose
Thanks a lot for the support. You shouldn't come onto a support site if all you are going 2 do is cut ppl down!!! I already feel bad enough about myself, u don't have 2 make it worse! For ur information, this is how I write on the internet, its much easier. Of course in my college classes I type out every word. Maybe u should look around, there r a lot of ppl who shorten words and use numbers. Or maybe ur just 2 old 2 understand..its different now, get used 2 it! I don't appreciate ur comment. If u aren't gonna help me out and give me advice then don't write 2 me!!!!!! U aren't any help at all!
by Daisy884, Jul 10, 2008 08:27PM
To: teko
Thank you 4 your comment!! Its just hard that somebody I thought I loved would treat me like this...but I guess I loved who i THOUGHT he was, not who he really is!
by teko, Jul 13, 2008 07:51AM
Yes, that is exactly what you did. When we meet someone and date them, we are always on our best behavior with one another. We find out who we are really with as time goes on. Never rush into a relationship. Let time show you what you are dealing with first. Good Luck and thank god you found out sooner rather than later what you really had.
by jo929, Jul 14, 2008 10:18AM
To: Daisy
He sounds like a big bully, and he thought he could boss you around, because it fed his ego to think he had control, I am sorry that you went through this, but you will learn from it, and build up that self esteem, you are just as good as anyone else,, and do not let anyone tell you different I wish you lots of luck, and dont forget. you are somebody, and do not let them try to tear you down, when they say things like that leave or stand up to them,. people that love do not treat someone like that unless they have a problem themselves. so he was the one with a big problem luck jo
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