Cheating Boyfriend

[Soapbug11]

For the past three years on and off I have been involved with a cheat. For almost a year we dated , then I broke up with him, cause when I went over to his house he left his phone and I saw text messages from a girl saying is she going to see her baby tonight.. I was curious so i looked throughout his phone, and suprise suprise he was seeing her also.. I called things off with him..For almost a year he crided begging me to come back to him, that he was sorry and that he didnt want to be with anyone else.. So I decide to give him another chance.. This time he asked me to move in with him... I agreed.. I thought this was the road to progress.. He changed his number and all... Come to find out he was still cheating.. He was in the shower and and the same girls from before calling his phone.. Obviously he gave them his new number..He confesses and tells me it was this girl at his job who he was sleeping with when we broke up an dthe only reason he was with her is because I broke up with him.. Do you see how he turns thigns around?? Anywyas..Im in class and he texts me and asks did i put up some girl calling him. So i call the number and suprise suprise.. its the girl from his job who he was cheating on me with..I confronted him about it which made me think maybe he isnt messing with her anymore because why would he give me her number? He says that hasnt talked to her, but why would she be calling.. Then for Thanksgiving I find out that she gave him turkey...Why would he accept?? Here is the kill.. I go for a pap smear, and my doctor says that I contracted chlaymida, herpes, and oral thrush..To this day I cant accept it.. I have never had a std before.. I have never been promiscious.. I tell him and he says o it was shannon the girl who he works with.. he says the condom broke when they did it.. How sick.. I can not forgive him, but yet I feel as though I am stuck cause I dont want to spread this to anyone..After she gave him the stds why is he still sleeping with her?

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Let me get this straight: this man has been completely dishonest with you—as well as with others—and you want to know why he’s still having sex with someone else? Do you feel this is your most critical concern?

Your boyfriend has given you STDs, he’s dishonorable, he lies, cheats, etc. You need to ask yourself some serious questions, such as: why are you still with him? What are you getting out of this relationship? Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life in these kinds of untrustworthy relationships? You haven’t mentioned one thing that’s positive for you about this relationship. If I had to make a guess, I’d say your self-esteem must be pretty low in order to allow yourself to be treated this way.

You say you feel stuck because you have STDs and don’t want to spread them. You need to get educated FAST. A) if you move out, you can give yourself some time to heal and reflect—you don’t need to rush into another sexual relationship; and B) all of your medical conditions are treatable. Once you decide to be sexually active with another person again, be sure to use risk reduction, and be especially careful not to have any contact during a herpes outbreak. Dr. J