was I wrong?

[tarponbound]

I have been thinking about something I did this weekend and now I am feeling bad about it.  My husband (the alcoholic) has not been taking calls from his mom or uncle - If he should make a "mistake" and answer the calls, he immediately tells them he will call them back then never does.  Then I start getting the calls.  This weekend both his mom and uncle left messages on our home phone (they usually call his cell) for one of us to PLEASE call them back.
So I called both.  At first when they told me about him not talking to them I said I understand - I don't think he is doing it purposely - but couldn't come up with a reason why.  So then I started thinking why do I have to lie to these people - and why does it always come down to me to do the explaining - so I told both of them that he was drinking more than ever and that the ONLY thing he cares about is drinking and hanging with his drinking buddies - that nothing else seems to matter - .....and that I personally am sick of it.  I apologized for being the bearer of bad news - they both said they were aware of his drinking (from their last visits - they both live out of town) - but were hoping he had slowed down - NOT - anyway - I'd like some input of what you all think.  Thanks

[jml1986]

You did nothing wrong. You should not lie for him. It is bad enough that he drinks like he does, but to put you in a place where you have to worry about what you say is just wrong. I made a point of not lying for my husband when he was drinking, because it was just enabling him. My therory is if they ask, tell. He may get mad, but it keeps you from putting more problems on your own plate.

[tarponbound]

Its just that I feel bad for his mom and uncle - I could tell it upset them.
I don't care what the alcoholic says - he can get as mad as he wants -

[nyychic]

lying for him only enables his behavior (drinking) and you are right not to enable it.  I'm a wife of a recovering alcoholic (I was with him through 7 years of drinking) and it's very important to find where you enable him and stop.  I'm not blaming you HE chooses to drink.  He has a disease that has caused the addiction and I know that pain and I know how it feels.  What I'm saying is that for you and your sanity it's important to find any way that you are/have enabled him and stop.  Then you can see clearly what to do from there.  GOOD JOB on telling his family it's a huge step into the recovery process for you.  Recovery is for you as well as your husband and you are going to have to get through all the pain hurt etc.  It's hard and there are times that I still struggle with it but for me I'm happy that I stuck with my husband.  He's a great daddy to our FOUR children and he's a great husband!!  Good luck with your struggles with the hubby and I will pray for you for clarity.