Delivery Room Attendees

[newbiemami08]

Ok, so I'm due in December.  Eversince my mother in law found out I was preggo, she has decided she will be in the delivery room with me.  I am a super shy girl.  I was even shy when I went to see my male OB doctor!  I mean he was the 2nd guy that has ever seen me down there!  lol I know .. I've always felt more comfortable seening male doctors, but this time I had no choice.  She has this tendency to "know it all"  She has had 4 kids and thinks she's a pro at delivering kids!  She has told me that she coached her daughter throughout her labor process better than the doctor!  She tells me to follow these Vietnamese wivestales that are mostly ridulous!  Things I can eat and things that can't ... what I can do and can't!  That's crazy because Americans have been doing for centuries and you guys seem fine to me!  Ex.  They don't allow eating anything cold after labor or your teeth will fall out early...  no shower until 3 weeks after labor..supposedly it's supposed to make you less prone to sickness?!   I really rather just have my husband and my cousin (love her like a sister) there with me.  I don't know how to break it my mother in law.  I know she will be mad.  I have told my husband to tell her, but he loves her dearly and says he can't say it!!!! grrr Anyways, so I was thinking, maybe I should bring my mom too and get her to hold her back and make her sit with her on the sideline and let the doctor do his job instead of being all up in my ... ya know?!

[newbiemami08]

hehe i meant seeing female doctors!  Couldnt find an edit button for the posts!

[Elyz1214]

I know what you mean about cultural differences. I'm due December 16th and my soon-to-be-husband (5 weeks!) is Palestinian/Arabic. His mother is constantly giving well intended advice that I don't really need.  I would let her talk all she wants and tell her you will think about what she said and then just do what you want (you aren't supposed to eat when you are in labor anyway so don't worry about cold food issue).
It's actually kind of interesting to learn some of those cultural things and how they came about. Write them in your baby book for the child to reflect on his/her heritage in 20 years from now!

About the delivery, there are two trains of thought. One is, its your body and your baby and if you don't want her there, don't let her know when you are in labor. Let her know only two people are allowed in the room and you are very sorry. Tell her it happened quickly or something and you didnt have time to phone. Call her soon afterwards.

The other thought is, having two kids already, let me tell you that by the end of it, you don't really care if the janitor comes in and watches. You tend to lose your modesty pretty quickly. Everyone checking you, the surgical techs in the room, the doctor, residents, etc. Besides, even if your mother in law is there, it's not like she has to look "down there" - she might not even want to! She can stand by your head or hold your hand or something. Its (presumably?) her first grandchild and she is excited too. Your pelvic area becomes LESS about you and more about just the baby being born.
Its definitely not an intimate or a womanly thing - the whole birth process is actually kind of gross to watch! You could always let her show up and let the nurse know that you would rather her not be there, maybe they could ask her to step out when they check you and have them tell her at the end that there's simply not enough room or whatever. She can be in the waiting area and see the baby right after its born and you are covered up again.

You'll just have to wait and do what feels comfortable for you I guess. You'll know it. You don't need to make your decision now, you have nearly 5 more months still!

[h8outbreaks]

Yes your mother in law in get on your nerves but hey that's what their for. If you or no one else can tell her she is not welcomed to stay in the room with you then have a nerse tell her. Like when it is time to start pushing have the nerse say ok it's time for everyone but whoever to leave the room. Trust me they will have no problem leaving then. And by the time your in labor you should have no problem telling her to get out. You will find the right things to say or do when it's time. Good luck.

[durhamjk1]

My MIL and I have the same problem.  Ever since DH and I got married 3 years ago, she has always talked about how she seen all 4 of her grandchildren be born and how she has been at the birth of all of her friends grandchildren (weird I know).  I told her from the get go that she wasn't going to be in the room when I had a baby.  She makes me nervous, b/c she is a nervous person and will be trying to tell me what to do during labor and delivery and I don't want that.  I just want my Hubby and Mom in the room.  That's it.  My best friend is a nurse in the maternity ward, and she said that people tell nurses all the time to get people out of their room and they don't care to do it.  Whatever you do , don't let them just stand behind the curtain, b/c then they are too tempted to peek around whenever they want.  I would just voice your opinion well in advance, and just play it off nonchalantly that you don't want the birth of your baby to be a huge show, so only 2 people are going to be in the room.  You could wait until you  have the baby to call people too.  I considered that.  

[newbiemami08]

hehe thanks for the advice ladies!  I think i'll just have the baby then call everyone and tell them it happened so fast, we forgot our cells at home and couldnt call!