Totally Unfair

[MoMORBust]

I am sooooo not ok.   Here I am trying to see if I can have a baby - thats like my mission in life right now nothing else is as important.  My boyfriend is being such an a**!!! I don't even know if he is my boyfriend any more i damn near dont want him to be.  He thinks he saw me out with another guy and either 1 of 2 things happened
1. Either he really did see me - but it was my brother and he knows my brother so he should have never come at me like it was somebody else and his subsequent actions show he doesn't think it was my brother
-or-

2. He made it up so he could act like he has a reason not to come around so he can go be with someone else.
Im expecting o anyday - but now that he hasn't given me any in 4 days and his phone is off so I cant call him... i could totally miss what i've been waiting so long for!!! And then have to wait ANOTHER whole month without even getting to know if the past $70 Ive spent on fertilaid and ovulation strips are worth it!!!

Its totally not fair he already has 5 kids he has no idea how much this means to me for him to know about the surgery's/pills/stips and he isn't making sure that he is putting his soldiers were they need to be so they can be there when they need to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know I might have to put myself first on this one. I love him but I have been with him about 6 years without knowing why I wasn't getting pregnant and know that I am actively trying, because of him it could take me longer than it already has...
and its already so depressing...
a "man" was able to get pregnant before me

its more important to me to have a child than keep someone that isn't as focused on something that is so important to me - so if i get pregnant by someone else then i will just have to deal with the aftermath
he knows im waiting for a specific day and that i have no way to contact him and he hasn't been home in 4 days

[BearHitch]

Did you have a question or want advice?  If you are looking for the latter, I think you need therapy.

[Starchild80]

Look I don't know your situation but this guy already has five children and don't seems to be stable right now.  Its is not fair to bring a baby into the world without some type of stability. First off how will you care for this child. In this day and time warefare is not an option. Please don't make the mistake I have made in the past. Let your mission be getting an education, Job, family let be real your goal in life shouldn't be having a baby when you are not ready. I am a grandmother of five children and one on the way. Daughter number 1 has three boys oldest child  dad is not in the picture and my grandson is five years old. second child during the divorce the father was awarded primary residence and I have seen my grandchild in over a month. and she had baby three which she got pregnant during the divorce and where is dad he not in the picture ok. Daughter 2 she married to a whatever, and they are expecting baby number three  with a 12 month old and a two year old living in her parents home both of them one reason why my husband and I allow them to stay is because of the grand-kids and that getting real old right about now. Everything I'm telling you I told to them but they choose there own path which affected my life as well dont get me wrong I love my grandchildren I just wish they would have came later.

[mami1323]

I'm sorry you are going through this but honestly I wouldn't even THINK of having a baby with a man like this.  First off, he has 5 kids already.  Wow, that's a lot of child support.  Maybe he's acting this way because he doesn't want kids right now.  It seems you are pushing this way too hard.  A child should be conceived and brought up in a home that is stable.  Yours is far from that and it would be completely unfair to subject a child to that.  What's worrying you more is the fact that he hasn't been around to impregnate you?  That should be the farthest from your mind.  The man you have been with for 6 years has been gone for 4 days without checking in with you.  That's what you should be concerned with.  Why are you so desperate to have a child?  I agree with BearHitch on this one, you need to seek some professional help.

[treazzure007]

i suggest you go for artificial insemination or just find a healthy guy you know and get pregnant if you feel it's an emergency.  it would be best that you wait until you meet someone that you can date and marry before having children and depending on the type of guys you meet and choose to date, it wouldn't have to be long before that happened for you.  

let the current boyfriend go.  get out there and date mature, working, goal oriented, loving men with high morals, move towards marriage, and have that baby!

[MoMORBust]

thank you for replying with some type of empathy and not acting like im so high school dropout that wouldn't know a good man if I saw one - you are right that it is best i wait and I would  - it wouldn't even be an issue if i didn't have female medical uncertainties.
my current boyfriend ... i dont see us together forever I probably wouldnt even if he settled down and proposed unless i really saw a change. I have been scorned before but I refuse to be the 'all men are dogs' lady.  
I have told people all along I would never get pregnant unless i was married - i have never even lived with a guy because I don't believe in it.  But infertility is a booger and you just dont know how much a blessing children are until you are a real woman and don't know if you can enjoy that blessing.
thank you so much for replying though

[mami1323]

Who said you have to be married to have children.  I'm engaged with a son and my mom had me when she was unmarried and could care less if my father was around or not.  If your fears are not being able to get pregnant in the future then at least choose a man who will not bring along drama and extra children.  I say let go of that relationship and looked towards a brighter future.  Yes, artificial insemination would be the way to go if you don't want to deal with an idiot man.

[MoMORBust]

1st of all i do appreciate you reading my post and replying.
Obviously my priorities seem confusing to you and that is understandable.  I posted this in the relationship forum because however you want to look at it it is a relationship.  Now yes he has 5 kids oldest is 16 youngest is 7 - so every couple of years he has had a baby right?. But I knew that going into this.  But you know what? Every since he has been with me, he hasn't had anymore kids - in 6 years and we haven't even been together the entire 6.
And thank you but I do have my diploma not GED, a college degree and a full-time career with benefits so as far as focusing on my education - im already on that - have already accomplished a milestone in that journey. As far as a career - not a job because jobs are for high school kids  - I work in a very well known established Fortune 500 company that I will stay with until I get my own business going - which is in preliminary stages; because I don't want to work for someone else my entire life, because I do have goals. And last year I started teaching myself the stock market - yes self education which means I have some type of head on my shoulders because I am making myself learn about something most people in the world leave to their 'financial advisor' or dont even try to actually understand.  Something I don't have to know - but I am pushing myself.
Hopefully you are starting to understand that Im not just some little girl wanting to play house.
Biggest headline a few weeks or months ago was 'A pregnant man'.  I am a woman and I am having more trouble than 'him' getting pregnant.
The only thing that i haven't started on in my life is a family.  That is what i am missing.  Now I have parents - they will celebrate their 30 year anniversary next year so I didn't come from a dysfunctional home and I never wanted for anything.  
Growing up I had to find out what made ME happy. This is my life and I only get one.  I love my family and i know they love me but it's not the same as a childs love and from your responses it sounds like you already know what that feels like.
No my home might not the most stable but did you bat an eye when Angelina bought her first kid or when Nicole Richie got pregnant - maybe a little but it was more accepted from them because they have money thats the only thing they have more of than me.  The lady who drowned all her kids? - evidently not the most stable.
Money doesn't motivate me, cars don't motivate me, being an actress doesn't motivate me, being a doctor doesn't motivate me.. but being a mom does.  Im a survivor.   I have been to the bottom - because I let myself get there and i brought myself back up and I am still on that journey to the top.
I am going to be successful because i prepare to be and because i say I will be.
Being a mom is going to complete my life with or without a man.  Of course I would rather it to be 'with' - my daddy was home everynight. I know there are good men out there and believe me I will be ready for him.  The more successful I become, the more i will be able to travel and broaden my horizons.  I know i will meet a good man because i am a good woman....and i will be a WONDERFUL mommy.
Thanks

[MoMORBust]

thank you also for your support and advice - it makes sense

[BearHitch]

By the sounds of your first post, it would be difficult to assume you were educated.  You stated that it wasn't fair that your boyfriend had 5 kids and wouldn't give you any... but after 6 years, maybe it isn't his fault.  You do have PCOS, as your profile states, so... you got upset at him for this?  I just re-read your original post and I still think you need help.  

Sorry.

[katarina777]

Is it possible he may have had a vasectomy and not told you?

[teko]

After reading all these posts, I find myself pondering why an intelligent and successful woman would find herself in a relationship with a guy that has 5 children and obviously not a family man.  It sounds like this is his legacy. To go around having babies. I sure hope he has a great income as well so he can take care of those 5 children. You, on the other hand are totally capable of deciding to have a child and raising it. I have a niece who did the same and has never regretted it. She is a self made woman financially and money was never an issue. What is an issue however, is finding a nanny to her liking and being able to be there for all the school activities that conflict with her work. If I were looking for a sperm doner, I would get someones who you know a little bit about there background, illness that runs in the family etc. If you are not planning to marry this dude, why get a loser if you do not have to? You may be successful financially but it sounds like you have some growing up to do yourself, before you try to raise another human being. Please think about what you are doing as it is the child who will have to live with the fall out.

[MoMORBust]

No need to apologize.  When you are ignorant about some things in a certain field its hard to know if someone is intelligent, because it's regarding something you know nothing about.  I could never and would never blame him for my condition; and I don't blame myself either.  
Sounds like you are the type to tell someone who was born blind it might be for the best and they aren't really missing anything - and they might need help.  If you think I need help, you might be right because PCOS causes depression.  Not only because it affects the ability to be a woman and bear children which affects self-esteem, but as well the physiological process of hormonal balance.  You would think a fellow woman might have a little more empathy - I am glad I don't have any friends like you - I might really go crazy if thats whats you call advice.
No I don't have a degree in psychology or a P.H.D., but I have taken a few courses and the schooling I have completed thus far has been with Honors, nothing less.
6 years and he still chooses me over anybody AND we DONT have any kids.  During our break ups I met others but when someone loves you with all the flaws that come with PCOS it means alot - but of course you wouldn't know what that feels like.  
This forum is meant for discussion about relationships and I appreciate feedback.  But if all you want to do is try to diagnose me as mentally unstable Im sure you can find a more important discussion to be a part of.