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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
Could it be molestation?
by Worried737, Jul 14, 2008 12:47PM
I have worries that my daughter may be being abused by my husband. There is no real proof and she can't exactly tell me. She is only 2 years old. Since October of last year I have left her with my mother when I go to work. She has always been ok, just a little upset when I leave. But...3 months ago she started panicking every time I would leave her. This stressed me out, made me cry because I didn't know why. Now at those times my husband would pick her up from my Mom's house and be home alone with her until I got off work, which was 2 to 3 hours later. Well when he would pick her up, my mom says she would throw a fit and not want to go with him. Before 3 months ago this didn't happen. When he tries to kiss, hug, or play with her she pushes him away. I ended up quitting my job last month to be home with her. Then I noticed when he would come home from work she would be happy he was home but, she would run if he tried to pick her up or give her a kiss. She would get mad if he persisted. He is the only person she does this to. She has many people in her life, male cousins, male uncles, her grandpa and grandma, and a couple of aunts. She will go and play with any of them including me but gets irritated at him. It never used to be like that. I thought maybe it was terrible two's cause she gets more mad now but I don't know. If she sleeps with us she wakes up through the night, really irritated. Also, she won't go to the store with him by herself. If she has to she screams and panics, reaching for me. Then about a week ago I was on the computer and I heard her cry... I jumped up immediately and went into her room. When I got in there he was already holding her, I didn't hear him go in there. I heard him come out of the bathroom, heard the creak on floor, I thought he went to bed. The thing is he never goes to her when she cries, so i was very surprised and worried. He never used to wanna take her to the store or have me leave her if I left. Now all of sudden, he wants to. Doesn't if sound fishy? At this point I feel stupid cause it all sounds bad, but I know that accusations against a person, if there not true, can ruin them. She also started complaining a couple months ago that her Vagina and her butt hurt. Half my life I was molested so I didn't want to touch her down there to make sure she was ok. But 2 days ago she was complaining a lot so I made sure my sister was in the room and I kinda looked. She had a rash, she is potty trained so I thought maybe it's from the panties. I took her to the hospital the said it looks like an irritation, but to trust my instincts. OK, can express my worries all day long so I should stop now and wait for and answer. One more thing...if i tell him I don't want to have sex he waits until he "thinks" I'm asleep. In the morning when I ask him if we had sex, he tells me no. Anyways can someone give me some advise.
The biggest red flag is your weird sexual relationship, worried. What you do is equally odd for both of you - that he is willing to have sex with what he thinks is his sleeping wife, and you are willing to lie there and pretend to be asleep and then ASK did we have sex last night? That's weird. For both of you.
I think you have real concerns that he is molesting her.
Get her to a professional. They should be able to weed through her young age. I was 2 when my Dad started molesting me and I remember having the same reactions. Never wanted to be alone with him, etc.
I agree with the previous posters take her to a professional who will know but I wouldn't let your husband know anything about it until you are sure.
Until then make sure your husband is NEVER left alone with your daughter even if this means taking time off work(make up an excuse to tell your husband you feel run down etc.).
I found the comment about your sexual relationship a bit strange also, I think you shouldn't hesitate in mentioning this to the therapist as that is the main reason that I think you may be right about the abuse. Your daughter is young, her behavior could be dismissed as a phase so it is important to let the therapist know all the facts about your husband's sexual habits. Good luck and keep us posted.
i was really annoyed with your post. you sound weak and naive. move it. get busy getting to the bottom of this. ask questions, make accusations, so what if it's not true? i wouldn't mind someone asking or voicing thier concerns for their child ever.
that time he was in her room and you were concerned but didn't express your concerns. come on. speak up. then, you ask him if you two had sex together??? did you ask him if he drugged you too??? im sorry. this post just made me MAD
Dysfunctional does not describe this scenario. Is this post real?
It is too bizarre
The acting like I was asleep "was" a test, to see if he was capable of taking advantage of a someone. Acting like your asleep comes very easy when your ashamed and tired and need a break so you have strength to fight the next night, I learned that with my father. I kicked my husband out because of it I did end up asking him about our daughter and he got upset at me he told me he couldn't believe that I would think that. I can't really trust what he says, everyone's right, but it's because i learned with my father that a person can lie their butts off and ball and cry but, still be guilty. I wont let him come back into my home, I decided that today when he called, he will be working on buying his own home. I think it would be safer that way anyways because if I'm feeling like it's possible he is touching her and he isn't really, then living in separate homes would be best.
Your first problem is that fact that you were subjected to such horrible abuse for so long. Now every situation you see is going to be colored by that perception. Your going to see abuse where it may or may not exist. Are you getting any counseling? You really really need to talk to a therapist and deal with this. It won't get any easier.
I do know someone else that would do the same bizarre thing as you and your husband....she would pretend to be asleep and he would have sex with her. They both had been abused (sexually) by a parent so I think it has a lot to do with that. But it's a very strong indication that you are NOT in a healthy relationship.
I'm glad you've separated but I can't suggest strongly enough that you get into some kind of therapy and maybe eventually therapy for you and your husband together.
Does your husband know you were abused?