Please tell me what my problem is!

[ghstshadow]

I have been off hydro for 9 days the physical w/d aren't too bad, mild-severe headaches and some shakes. But mentally I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, I'm struggling badly with depression and, my mind is doing a great job of convincing me that I'm worthless without my pills, I have this problem of never feeling comfortable with my surroundings or the situation I'm in (not that I'm actually in a bad situation).  Last night one of my dealers convinced me to buy Ecstasy. I took three and got really high, now I regret it and am wondering what kind of an impact it will have on my detox. I get so frustrated with feeling like H#@l all the time! I just want to feel better and be in a pleasant mind frame! Maybe I just don't have the mental strenght/patience to go through with this! I never was that good at communicating my feelings and have a fear of opening up and actually talking about my problems. I really want to get my life straightened out but don't know where to turn to for help. Inpatient rehab is definitly the last resort and, I don't want to go through that unless there are no other options left.  It's like I don't even know who I am or what is real and what only seems to be there! One minute I'm so glad I went sober (most of the time) and, the next I just want everything to be back to the way it was 2 wks ago.        Somebody please tell me it truly gets better.
   P.S. My internet is working sporadically which makes it difficult to log in here whenever I want.            Good Luck Everyone    I seriously recommend having a solid plan as to what you're going to do after the physical w/ds end and, being ready to stick to it!  Thanks for listening to my disorganized, scrambled, rambling ! !    Confused and Disoriented

[10356]

I'm so sorry you are struggling so after 9 day's It does get better.. Have you been to a therapist I have and it helped me immensely to feel comfortable in my own skin.. At first it was very difficult but in the long run I could not have done all I have accomplished this last two years without the help.. I wish you well on your journey. lesa

[GoingToMakeIt]

Taking ecstasy or any drug will not help your recovery. It will hinder it. As drug users, our brain chemicals are lacking. We don't produce seratonin the same or endorphins. It take time and exercise to re-establish the circuits. Patience is needed. Your recovery takes time. For some, it can be many months, for others, a few weeks.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Taking ecstasy or any drug will not help your recovery. It will hinder it. As drug users, our brain chemicals are lacking. We don't produce seratonin the same or endorphins. It take time and exercise to re-establish the circuits. Patience is needed. Your recovery takes time. For some, it can be many months, for others, a few weeks.

[marcatj]

hun.. maybe it's one of the contributors to you using.. not communicating your feelings.  so, in turn, you want to numb them out.  alot of us have done that... me included.

this isn't an easy ride, getting clean.  but did you really think it would be? think about it.  we can't indulge like we have, then have an easy escape.  it doesn't work that way...

you gotta gut it out.  you have to know it takes time.  the depression it part an parcel with the physical w/d... big time. and it DOES get better.  but it's a big part of the w/d process. but it DOES pass.  

if i may, i would suggest getting into some kind of counseling.  again - if you don't express your feelings, that stuff just eats you up alive. and then stays the vicious cycle of abusing drugs (or many other ways people try to numb their feelings.)

if you get to the root of your "stuff," you may not want to use at all.

all i can tell you is therapy changed my life completely.  made me understand all the sh***y things i felt, and felt about myself, and finally, released it (most of it anyway..)

and you can't fix a problem with the same mindset that created it.

please consider getting some counseling/therapy.  as well - keep posting here!!! it helps through the rough times.  "the road less traveled" is a harder one, no doubt.  but at the end of the day, a much more joyful, deep, peaceful and rewarding one.  one worth living.

be well my friend,
mj

[ghstshadow]

Thanks for all the support and, encouragement. I'm still struggling with trying to understand why I'm afraid to open up.
  Any suggestions on where I should start looking as far as counseling/therapy goes?

[worried878]

U can open up here for starters...like u r doing...i checked but had known u would probably be male before i did....men in society are not really taught to open up...supposed to be strong and not show weakness....but sometimes u just need to...9 days is not far into recovery on the mental aspect///u need to hang tight for a few more months and let ur brain heal and catch up with ur feelings....and know this doomy feeling will pass soon..i called it the doomers and it was no fun...but it passes,..hang tight

[GoingToMakeIt]

Look in the health Pages for the Amino Acid protocols. Start taking what you can of them and vitamins 2x/day. Our bodies need mega amounts for a while as we cannot process things too well yet. 2x/day so that the water soluble ones are in your system 24/7

[theeagle]

GTMI is so correct that the vitamins and supplements are quite necessary..... they will help you immensely.....check them out....