How can I save my relationship during my depression?

[Kikka88]

Hi there,
I'm a bipolar and after a few years taking medicines I'd stopped around 7 years ago. At the moment I have a difficult long distance relationship and my depression period is affecting it... my boyfriend doesn't tollerate that I cry and I'm desperate all the day, so his reaction is to go away and broke all up... I can't survive in that case...
He knows about my problems, he knows all, by the other way the fact that he lives in Milan and I'm living in london doesn't help at all... In moments like this I need his presence and his smile... but he is not here...
There are also other problems, his son with the ex girlfriend and the fact that he doesn't want to have one or to get married at the moment (for me it's a balance in the double relations..)
Today when he said "Ok, that's it, it's all gone, all finished", I thought "Ok that's it, my life is finished... i've tried to suicide other times, this one will work! I'm at home alone... without him I can't stay now".
How can I explain him that broke up with me now is the worst thing to do? That I really need his presence and his kisses to be quiet?
Today I'm over...

[nanook22]

Hello, I hope you are not over!  I have an inkling of what you are going thru.  I'm married but my husband works ALOT.  He leaves at 6:30am and 75% of the time doesn't return home until 8pm or later.  There has even been a term created for me and the other wives "Thermoforming Widows".  Oh, did I mention I am bipolar too!  It's not long distance but it sure feels like it.  He also has a less than wonderful x-wife and two children that hate me.  To top it all off, we just moved 800 miles from home, I have no friends, no psych doc yet, although the my 2 dogs do have a vet, my mother died a horrible death 10 months ago which plagues me every night when my head hits the pillow, and I have to try to deal with my dad who is unexplainable.  And my husband works now more than ever.  So, please don't do anything.  Believe me, I know a little of how hopeless and depressed you feel and ALONE too.  I've also had my fair share of problems with men alot of them due to my bipolar and poor since of judgement.  Just keep writing how you are feeling and people can help write (or talk) you thru this crappy time in your life.

[RubyShooz]

First of all, get to your doctor right away and get back on your medicine.  Bipolar and depression usually do not go away and need lifelong treatment.  Proper meds will help you deal with stress and problems in your life, in a constructive way.

Secondly, believe your boyfriend when he says "it's all gone, all finished."  You cannot make someone stay who does not want to stay.  He has so much baggage, you are better off without him.  You deserve someone better, someone who understands you and can offer emotional and physical comfort.  Try to meet new people -- go to the library, to concerts, to the park, to a local bookstore or art gallery -- there are lots of places that don't cost a lot of money and where people gather.  Keep a smile on your face and a friendly attitude.  You will be surprised at how easy it is to meet people.  Even a man who you may like only as a friend, or another woman you can go shopping with or to a movie -- those people may have a friend, a brother, a neighbor -- who may turn out to be dating material.

Don't give up.  Always remember that tomorrow is another day, and it may be the day that something unexpected and wonderful happens for you.

Hugs,
Ruby

[Kikka88]

Sorry but I will never come back to the treatments and medicines... It's something that I'll never do again... I take sometimes the Frontal or the Lexton as "one-off" for the worst moments but I don't want to come back to the nightmare of medicines and most of all for all life. I don't think that this is the only solutions, as until the last 2 weeks I managed all (or most of all) also the worst periods more or less well (if I'm still alive.. it means that it worked)... obviously I didn't had the problem of losing my boyfriend and this is something over my capabilities..

[BipolarBear75]

Bipolars don't seem to be able to deal with stress as easily as most.....long distance relationships are very stressful for everybody.....we can't handle them. We just need a greater support system.

I know it doesn't sound doable....but you need to find someone where you are to have a relationship with. It is no good for you to have a relationship with somone who is threatening to break up with you. And the good point is....you will find one....especially when manic....lol just kidding....but we have to joke or we will cry.

[shortcircuited]

Please call your therapist if you have one.

Please reconsider the medication.  If you don't take something for this, you will almost certainly get worse.  I don't think you want to feel worse than you do right now.  You could feel so much better if you don't give up on trying to find the best medicine.  There are newer medicines all the time, and you are bound to find something that works for you if you just stick with it.

As for the boyfriend--you can do better!  You think you need him, but you do not.  If you were not feeling depressed, you would realize that you will be fine with or without him.  I agree to try to avoid the distance thing.  There are even more men out there to try than there are medicines, so don't give up on that either!

*hugs*