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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
my girlfriend got sexually abused by her father
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
my girlfriend got sexually abused by her father
by Confused_Teen, Jul 22, 2008 08:52PM
My girlfriend lives very far away and she just told me she was sexually abused by her father when she was little and i dunno how i can support her. I want to be there for her so bad but we are so far away i don't know what i can do. I usually tell her that I'm there for her but those words feel so shallow I mean im not even there to comfort her. I tried to convince her to get help but she doesn't want to even though its still effecting her today. Can anyone please tell me how to convince her to go I mean i know its her decision but I just want to give it one last try and try to convince her. I just feel so useless not even able to do nothing at all except just to listen to her i seriously don't know what to do. Please any and all help will be appreciated thank you for your time.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 25, 2008 04:13PM
, Jul 25, 2008 04:13PM
To: confused teen
Hi.
You sound like a very supportive and sensitive person, and your girlfriend must be very grateful to have such a wonderful, caring boyfriend. You are doing everything right, and I hope you’ll continue to do so. Be aware that there’s really nothing you can do to “make” your girlfriend get help or convince her. Think of times in your life when you were reluctant to take a step even though everyone told you it was in your best interests. The fact is, people will only take action when they’re ready. It’s very scary for some of us to contemplate digging up the painful past, and a significant amount of time can elapse before someone may feel strong enough to do so.
You can continue to be supportive and encourage her to seek help, but don’t come across as nagging. Until she’s ready, she’ll dig in her heels. Another helpful step you could take is to share some information with her. For both of you, I recommend the site: http://www.scarleteen.com. It’s full of teens sharing about all of the sexual challenges they face, and it has excellent information as well. Good luck and a big hug. Dr. J
You sound like a very supportive and sensitive person, and your girlfriend must be very grateful to have such a wonderful, caring boyfriend. You are doing everything right, and I hope you’ll continue to do so. Be aware that there’s really nothing you can do to “make” your girlfriend get help or convince her. Think of times in your life when you were reluctant to take a step even though everyone told you it was in your best interests. The fact is, people will only take action when they’re ready. It’s very scary for some of us to contemplate digging up the painful past, and a significant amount of time can elapse before someone may feel strong enough to do so.
You can continue to be supportive and encourage her to seek help, but don’t come across as nagging. Until she’s ready, she’ll dig in her heels. Another helpful step you could take is to share some information with her. For both of you, I recommend the site: http://www.scarleteen.com. It’s full of teens sharing about all of the sexual challenges they face, and it has excellent information as well. Good luck and a big hug. Dr. J
Member Comments (2)
by chan808, Jul 25, 2008 11:48AM
To: confused_teen
I think your a great boyfriend, she needs to get help hopefully shell see that. you say the words feel so shallow, Im sure they dont to her, your helping her at least a little, and shes does trust you or she would not have told you. the fact that she told you and is talking is a important step for her, I think I would listen, and try to suggest help. Maybe she doesnt want help becouse nobody knows, In that case she needs to tell mom, or teacher, church member, ect. good luck to you and Im proud of you.
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