Discipling In General

[LilRed1881]

I have been married to my husband going on almost 6yrs.  He has two children, I do not have any of my own.  I met him online and lived in another state and made the decision to move to where he lived so he would not be taken away from his kids which at the time his daughter was 12 and son was 10.  His exwife had custody of the two of them, however, she got to the point of not being able to handle their son and let him come and live with us.  By then his son was 11.  We got along great, he respected me and did not challenge me when I corrected him or asked of favors/chores of him.  With changing schools and going into the 6th grade, his behavior began to change.  He was doing stupid stuff in class and getting written up for it or in school suspenion.  Almost all things on our copy of his detention was Defiant, Disrespectful and Disruptive Behavior and talking back.  All the teachers he got into trouble with were female teachers.  I was incurring the same problems with him at home.  His father does not do anything about it simply because of fear of how he was treated growing up that he does not and is afraid to alienate his son if he does step up to the plate and ground him.  Each and everyday I would call into the schools homework hotline and write word for word his assignments and his son would claim he did them and turned them in but when I checked the grades online, there was zeros so I enforced grounding him off of the computer and going places and that also triggered his resentment towards me.  His dad thought I was too harsh and said all you need to do is talk to him and let him know it better not happen again.  Well, it has and it does.  The detentions continue and the conflict with female teachers continues.  I can ask his son to pick up something and put it away or empty the trash and the answer I get is I dont have time  but when his dad asks the same thing, it gets done.  Most of the time now I will ask when his dad is present and when I get that answer I tell his dad you see how he does me?  If you ask him it gets done, when I do there is always an excuse.  But yet I am expected to continue to do things for his son and get walked on.  My husband tells me that I will not ever understand because I do not have biological children of my own.  My husbands mother lives next door to us and she tells me she never raised her children that way, they knew better.  I find his son does not like to have boundaries or rules.  He is now 15 and his dad allows him to be out for the summer time til midnight and his son manages to drag in later and later and when I wake my husband up to tell him he's not home, he gets angry at me and takes up for him and says at least he knows where he is at.  I then say then why do you even bother giving him a curfue if it is not adhered to?  He will call his son and tell him to get home and 1min later he'll call and ask if he can stay at a friends house and his dad lets him.  I usually say it is so he can stay out all night and sleep most of the day.  His son constantly does chores for his dad, but, none for me.  Neither of them discuss asking me if there is any help I need or could use.  I feel I do not belong.  It is them against me.  It is very hurtful to be treated that way.  My husband says all I am trying to be is a controling freak.  And I explain no it is being a parent and setting boundaries.  He also says he'll(his son) will be 16 in a few months  I say big deal, he is still 15.  What am I supposed to do?  Do I just keep my mouth shut and continue being treated like the live in maid/housekeeper?