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Oxycontin
by Dave2824, Jul 23, 2008 12:20PM
Just wanted to throw this out- no reason to lie about anything and maybe this could get me a chance to hear something that can help.
I have a kidney ailment of which there is no cure. 39 years old. I used to rock climb, now I hardly leave the house. I have a standing order with a pain management dr that gives me oxycontin 40mgs 4 x per day for gout pain that comes from the kidney ailment among other things. I will not lie- I usually munch them up at the beggining of each day. makes me feel happy for about 5 to 6 hours. I know this is addict behaviour. I am an addict. I will not dare tell my dr this. My question is this: If I am going to die from my ailment, I have pain-but probably not as bad that it requires this much meds-and I am on permanent SSI/Disability, (my wife only gives me the days amount of pills or else I would have them gone in less then half the time) I am not hurting anyone, I am taking meds that are prescribed, I am still a father to my son and though its not much I am still bringing in money for my family, - should I feel guilty about trying to get "high" from my PRESCRIBED meds? I mean, lets face it-they picked oxycontin because it is easier on my kidneys than pain meds such as vicodin and percdan and other weaker meds that have tylenol in them- so the way they (oxycontin) kill pain is to shoot endorphins in the pleasure centers of my brain, I.E. getting high...is this wrong?
Well, I am taking it this way. As I type this I just crunched one down. I dont become beligerent. I still try to be a father to my son-and it usually enables me to do so. I dont know...I guess I am wrestling with my conscience on this. Something doesnt feel right or I wouldnt be posting this.
I am not afraid of truth.
Go ahead and let me have it.
Dave
I have a kidney ailment of which there is no cure. 39 years old. I used to rock climb, now I hardly leave the house. I have a standing order with a pain management dr that gives me oxycontin 40mgs 4 x per day for gout pain that comes from the kidney ailment among other things. I will not lie- I usually munch them up at the beggining of each day. makes me feel happy for about 5 to 6 hours. I know this is addict behaviour. I am an addict. I will not dare tell my dr this. My question is this: If I am going to die from my ailment, I have pain-but probably not as bad that it requires this much meds-and I am on permanent SSI/Disability, (my wife only gives me the days amount of pills or else I would have them gone in less then half the time) I am not hurting anyone, I am taking meds that are prescribed, I am still a father to my son and though its not much I am still bringing in money for my family, - should I feel guilty about trying to get "high" from my PRESCRIBED meds? I mean, lets face it-they picked oxycontin because it is easier on my kidneys than pain meds such as vicodin and percdan and other weaker meds that have tylenol in them- so the way they (oxycontin) kill pain is to shoot endorphins in the pleasure centers of my brain, I.E. getting high...is this wrong?
Well, I am taking it this way. As I type this I just crunched one down. I dont become beligerent. I still try to be a father to my son-and it usually enables me to do so. I dont know...I guess I am wrestling with my conscience on this. Something doesnt feel right or I wouldnt be posting this.
I am not afraid of truth.
Go ahead and let me have it.
Dave
Post Comment
It seems to me that you already have your answer. Sometimes the best way to come to a realization is to write it out as you just did.
What do you think? Are you happy with the person you are right now? I know this sounds cryptic but keep posting and you're answer will come to you. I say that becasue no matter what I say to you, unless you realize what you have to do, my words are useless to you.
Good luck and keep posting, maybe even make a journal.
Sunnyd210, you bring up a very scary, thought provoking point. I am not worried about the Dr leaving or switching Dr's as much as I am concerned with the fact that you are absolutely right about the effects wearing thinner and thinner. I know in my guts its not a real life answer to permanently live by. And everyday that I put off that fact, it is just making the eventual action of having to stop or switch or whatever - that much harder.
I dont know..... obviously I am just being foolish. I guess I am angry about my health and wha wha wha. I feel like I am just becoming a whiner. There is a lot to be grateful for.
Sorry to take up anyones time.
Dave
I think you have already answered your own question. we all have to come to terms with the lie we are living as addicts, at least if we want to get better...and be free!!
best to you....
it is everyones decision to take it or not.without some kind of pain meds there is no life quality for some. you have to realize that it is not going to last forever. it will stop working. so chasing the high is pretty much a stupid thing to do.
but if you think the pros and cons are better to take it, than best to stay at the lowest dosage possible for the pain. and when it begins to not work as good, you will have to stop taking it for a bit so your tolerence will build up again. when you find yourself uping your dosage and getting it from other places , well then you have reached the point of no return. or so it will feel that way, and the nightmare and guilt will surely come.
it is a hard game to play and most lose. it would be wise to use this time that you are using and feeling good to get things done and prepare for when they stop working-------- because they will.
That includes broknbck, Sunnyd210, worried878, kittykat58, GoingToMakeIt, mimi1313, crispie & addictedme.
You all didnt have to respond but chose to anyways and I am grateful.
Thank you again
Dave2824
We were all more than happy to respond. This is an open forum and its great becasue there are so many people who want to help. Please keep posting and let us know what you want to do or not do.
You won't be judged and you won't be wasting anybody's time.
Good luck,
Melissa