should i commit suicide???

[sonia_ji]

I dunt know where should i start from,i've been into anxiety for almost 3 years,daily chest pains,headaches,shortness of breath,fast heart rate, all these things  have made my life a hell.my siblings are too much concerned about me,take care of me like i m' a baby,this has made me more sensitive i guess,when ever i get anxiety attack,i hurt my self so badly,hurt my arms with blade and nails,bang my head against the wall,i cry a lot
daily beacuse of dis situation. i feel relaxed when ever i hurt my self,my family is so much caring and worried abt me,yet they dunt know that i have started hurting my self.i've been to cardiologists,neurologists and 3 generel physician,bcoz of my bad condition my sis took appointment from another wellknown doctor,he checked me and again put me on anxiety tablets and he warned my family to not to give me the tablets strip.He thought i will try to commit suicide or something.I cannot go out wid my friend,cannot join my family properly,i m always disconnected
from dis world.Last week i was thinking about cutting my veins through knife,but then i thought wat will my sis and bro do without me,they have already seen two deaths (my parents) .But insted of being embarrassed in friends and family circle, i've thought of committing suicide coz i cannot cee my self helpless,although my frnds take a lot of care,always help me when ever i get panic attack in class,but i dunt want to be more embarrassed now,its over now.I cannot do anything,sometimes i think i should go to graveyard and should check wat my parents are doing over dere,i was thinking abt opening their graves.Every one asks me about my arms and feet scratching and i get afraid how would i tell them that i have hurted my self..2 days ago i wokeup with very fast heart rate,i went into washroom and banged my head against the wall severely that it started to pain,,but that pain was good than that anxiety one.The only thing that i care about is my family(my sis n bro),i get highly panicked if any one ov them gets ill.wat u peopl say,should i go for suicide or not,coz i cannot bear it anymore.
Thanks in advance.

[Nasal_Problems]

No. Seek medical/psychiatric help ASAP. They will give you medicine to help you calm down. After you adjust, you can talk to someone about what you are going through. Later on, you can stop the meds and see if you can help yourself. If there are set-backs you'll have that doc to count on.

Listen don't give up on life. It's a gift. As bad as things are for you right now, it will improve. Moreover, as bad as things are for you right now, there's people who do have it worse. Please don't leave your family... they need you. They love you and would be hurt very deeply if you left.

[nursegirl6572]

I couldnt agree with nasal more.  You need to seek immediate emergency medical help.  Call 911, or go to your nearest ER, tell them you are suicidal, and have been harming yourself.  "Cutting" is a rapidly growing symptom of anxiety....and while you may be suffering horribly right now....you dont HAVE to suffer like this.

You mentioned all of the docs you have seen...I didnt see a psychiatrist on your list...THAT is where you need to be.  You need to address these issues yesterday.

Even though you may not see it for yourself...you are very important to your siblings and like you said...your family has already suffered terrible loss....don't do that to them, please.  Life is worth living...you just need help to get there.

Please come back and update us...there are a whole lot of people here who care deeply, and understand SO greatly what you are going through.

Please make that call...get yourself some help NOW.  It will be worth it, I promise.  One day, you will shudder at the thought that you were ever in this dark place.

Sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

[Cindee56]

Sonia, I am so sorry you are going through this.  It sounds like in addition to the anxiety you have severe depression.  I think you are not on the right medication.  It's possible that with a medication adjustment, you will feel better.  Please don't give up!  You can get help.  Tell someone how you feel, go to the hospital.

Don't make any decisions right now.  Suicide is something that is FINAL.  Please remember that you can't go back.  In a few weeks or months from now, you will probably feel better and be grateful you did not take that route!  Please get the help you need, don't be scared.  People do care!  

Let us know how you do.

[dolphin845]

I agree with everyone else.  People care about you.  We all care about you.  I've been there many years ago.  I called my friend sobbing because I just wanted to die.  She took me to the ER because I couldn't take care of myself,  like you,  I felt like a baby.  I was checked into a facility and I got help.  I'm SOOOO glad I got checked in.  
There is help out there and you don't need to go thru this hell.   Let them take care of you and get you on good medication that will pull you out of this.
PLEASE post back and let us know how it's going.

[tara79]

dear sonia_ji,

we as members on this forum can completely understand how frustrating it can get when your anxiety overtakes you and life seems so terrible to live. but try and remember that all of this is temporary, it will pass. right now, you are going through a very difficult time, but please understand that it is not the end..it is a beginning... a call for you to wake up and take some serious action to look after yourself and help yourself. the first setp as others have pointed in their comments, is to go and see a psychiatrist, who will be able to get you on the right medication. secondly, please go to see a counselor or therapist and talk about how you are feeling and what is worrying you. trust me it will be of great help to you if you go see a doc and 'talk' about your feelings. please dont think of suicide as end to all of this.. i know your'e probbaly thinking its easy to say it, but please dont on an impulse take a major step and end your life. you are worth much much more than this. your life is out there, calling you.... you have a beautiful life ahead of you. these situations are a call for help to make you a stronger person.... its time for you to take the right action, and not fall back and end your life. please dont even think of it... you are far too precious... and i really mean that from the bottom of my heart.  you seem to be a very very strng person looking after your siblings... keep up that strength and courage. and you will see how much you can do if only you look inside and draw on those reserves of strength that you have immensely inside of you. please dont take any drastic steps, your siblings need you, and you are worth it all. you are a very very special person....take care. and keep us posted.

[abby10]

you are sooooo... lucky to have a sister and brother who love you so much. that means you matter so much. and even class mates that help you. you must be something really special. i had my dark days and now i am so happy, really. after the death of my son i took an overdose. i got better and i can only remember that dark pit. but you will get out of it. i found laughter feels good and watching animals and eating piza. spoil yourself and love yourself, you deserve it.
abby

[lonewolf07]

If you have to post a question about whether you should commit suicide or not, you have already decided NOT to do it, at least not today and hopefully no other day either.  The survival part of you is reaching out for help and you've gotten some really good, caring and non-judgemental advice.  I did the same thing.

[peggy64]

I would also suggest you do some research on abandonment issues. Sometimes this causes a lot of anxiety and deep seated pain for people and they don't even know why, until studying this topic.

Be proactive, in this. We are not put on earth to kill ourselves. Even though we want too. I know, I have been there myself.

[greenlydia]

When we are in the grip of a deep depression, which I sadly think you are, it's like we've fallen through a hole in the ice and can't find the way out. That you have written to us shows me just how badly you WANT to find your way out. Banging your head against the wall is like banging your head against the ice ceiling........it's your way of trying desperately to find that hole which is the way out and back to your life.
Cutting is just another way of trying to transfer the pain from the inside to the outside. It never works, Sweetie. At least, not for very long and it never cures anything. It is a sure sign that you need to get yourself some very serious help, and you need to get it very soon.
You have been given the best advice already by the other kind and caring folks here who really DO understand what you're going through. Some have been exactly where you are right now and they have come thru the hell you are dealing with.
As lonewolf so very wisely put it, since you have written us asking if you should commit suicide, then you have, for today, decided not to. And like her, we all hope that you will continue to make the same decision tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that............there IS so much help out there for you, you just gotta reach out for it, which I know can be hard, but you reached out to us. Just reach a little further now.
I hope you take the advice that was given to you here and go to the emergency room and tell them how you are feeling. Show them the marks. They will know how to help you and I promise you, they WILL! We all know you are scared, but you were brave enough to tell us about your feelings, now use that same courage to find the Sonia that is fighting under the ice!
Is there a trusted adult you can talk to? An aunt or other family member? A pastor, priest or rabbi? A teacher at school? You need to talk to someone, tell someone what you are going through and I know they will help you find the path you need to be on.
PLEASE keep writing to us, Sonia! Keep on reaching out.
Peace
Greenlydia  

[Prizma]

As others have said, it's not the right choice for you to make right now. You're very vulnerable and emotional right now.

What you're going through sounds like a reaction of some sort--by the sounds of it, some trauma. You mentioned your siblings had to experience the death of your parents, but what about you?

Cutting yourself is a way to make yourself feel anything other than what you're feeling at that moment.

What you need to do is check yourself into the ER and have them evaluate you. Your goal is to find someone who will help you get to the root of your pain/anger/sadness and help you come out of that.

You can bandaid stuff with medication, but it's not going to do much for you in the long run if you don't deal with / find out what exactly the root cause of all of your anxiety and pain is.

You're going through a rough patch right now. We've all been there and it seems we've all been able to help each other through family and friends... yes even friends on here that you've never met. We all have something in common--Anxiety. We're here for you.

Keep smiling and keep us posted!

[sonia_ji]

i know what ever i'm thinking is totally wrong,but i dunt see any other wat to get out ov dis situation,rite now my anxiety is at its peak,i m having abdominal pain and itches all over da body,although my heart rate is normal,but my friend is here in my home so i cannot hurt and cannot even cry loudly,
i have found this forum very helpfull
i must say thanks to all ov you,
you all are very supportive
GOD bless u all.
carezzzz

[scaredjo]

if you really are suicidal then you need to go to hospital right NOW no matter who is in the house with you preventing you doing things, its time to get some help.
anxiety is a nightmare to live with but think of your family how hurt they would be if you did severly harm your self or at the very worse die...they would be gutted
please think things through stand back before you hurt your self its not a good place to be in, you need some help and you need it now
take care