Follow up to previous post by aj3347

[aj3347]

My reaction to my son's behavior has not been positive and I have had to spank him on occasion. What other methods can be used by me to cool down and for him to calm him down. At the end of the day, my behavior is just going to make this worse. Thanks.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are right to be troubled by your reactions when you are frustrated and angry. It can be a revelation to us as parents that we do not have to become frustrated and angry when our children misbehave. It's important that we learn to maintain our equanimity in the face of behavioral problems. If we lose emotional control it only exacewrbates the situation. On the behavior management front, do what I have recommended to thousands of parents: obtain Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents and follow it in every detail. You'll be pleased with the results.

[ROXIEB]

I would say first off if your son has you so angry that you are going to spank him or get out of control just walk away for a little while. I wouldn't punish him while you are that angry. I always put my son in time out when he is out of control to calm down. I tell him if he can not control himself then he is going to have to go sit down in time out until he can. I think spanking only teaches them it is ok to hit and that is obviously not what you want. That is one thing I reserve for situations when he puts his life in danger. I have only had to do it once when he tried to run out in the street in front of a car. It didn't hurt but is sure took him by surprise.  I can tell you he has never done that again. I don't know how old your son is but removing him from and yourself from the situation and each other to allow you both to calm down would be the first thing to work on. Keep in mind this is just my personal opinion. I am no expert but I have found it works well for me.