pain after waiting too long in between intercourse

[diamondie]

My husband and I have sex at least daily or every 2 days or so and I experience no discomfort, everything is great. However, if we take a break for a few day or a week for whatever reason, it really hurts after we make love for the next 2 or 3 days. It's usually not during but rather right after we're done i start feeling tenderness and I lay down for half an hour in serious pain and then it goes away. After those 2 or 3 days are done, things are back to normal and I have no discomfort. This has been going on since we started having sex and I don't know how to prevent it. I certainly don't need any lubrication, i don't have any infections and I'm in good health. Could it be the muscles? I usually feel very relaxed though. Do you have any ideas how to prevent that from happening? Thank you.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

There are lots of possible causes for your pain—some physical and some emotional. Kegels are good to do for strengthening your vaginal muscles (the PC muscle); however, since you’ve experienced pain, it’s possible that your muscle is quite tight already.

Women can experience this tightening up because of fear and anxiety. I’m wondering if you’ve received messages that sex is somehow dirty, harmful or wrong. Or whether you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past that is causing you to fear penetration. It can be difficult to truly let go of negative messages about sex as well as past fears unless you have an opportunity to talk about them and process the experience so you can move past it.

Another possible factor: What are the conditions like when you're being sexual? Are you turned on, and are you ready for p-v sex? Some women let their male partners make all the sexual decisions, including when to have p-v. If you’re not lubricated and turned on, this can be painful. In addition, if your partner has little or no sexual experience, he might not be aware that both of you need to be very turned on before p-v sex, and that it takes time. You need lots of touching, kissing, etc. and whatever else turns you on.

Also realize that some vaginal openings are very petite, and some penises are quite large around. If this is true in your situation, and it’s combined with lots of vigorous thrusting and some of the factors mentioned above, pain and irritation can result.

Why not try waiting a bit longer before p-v and also going slow with only gentle thrusting? This could make a difference for you.

Realize that it takes time to relax and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If after slowing down, letting yourself get turned on and lots of practice, you find you’re still tightening up, you might consider seeing your gynecologist for an exam. Good luck to you. Dr. J

[SeriousSam]

Do you kiegel?