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Please know you are giving your children the greatest gift they will ever receive from you, a mom that is not dependant upon drugs. I am not saying you are a bad mother, but if your addiction goes untreated where will you and your babies be a month from now 3 months from now. You are scared, and sweetie you have every right to be scared and confused, questioning if you are making the right or wrong decision because you are leaving your babies to get healthy. I guess the only thing I can say, hypothetically is what would you do, if you didn't address your addiction, and you don't have/can't remember the memories of your children growing up , or you made a poor decision regarding their welfare due to your use and one of your babies were to be hurt? You nor them deserve that hurt.
Scared, and missing your babies, absolutely......isnt that why you are doing this....for them?
I applaud you for getting the help, I have the utmost respect for you as a mother to be the best mom you can be for your children, and I respect your courage for leaving your children to come back, after a very short time away, the mom, that you want and know you need to be. You made the right decision honey that very few people can, because of your love. Never doubt for one moment that the reason you are going to in-patient, is because you love your children more than yourself, and have put their needs above yours.
I wish for you only the best, and wish you and your family many years of precious memories of your family, this time away will fade so very quickly,
Leaving your kids is hard - but please do not underestimate the seriousness of your addiction - it is progressive, it will continue to get worse, you will suffer physically and emotionally. Many lose their families, friends and ultimately their lives because the addiction took over and ruled their lives. If you had cancer - you would take that seriously - you would be doing whatever it took to make sure your kids would have a mom in years to come. Don't fool yourself - you are fighting for your life here - if you do it now - you will save yourself a lot of heartache and pain.
Go, take care of yourself - you are the only mom these kids will ever have.
You have a chance to give these kids the greatest gift of all - and while they may never really know it, you will.
Stay strong, learn lots and let us know how it goes.
kelly
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. " (From the Big Book of AA; same in NA and CA)