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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
what is wrong with me?
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
what is wrong with me?
by jasmine49, Jul 25, 2008 05:21PM
I have a very loving relationship with a gentelman that is impotent. I have been with women prior to him. Currently I have been thinking how much I'd like to have a cuddle relationship(no sex) with a woman. I haven't even met any one...it's just thoughts that pop up, then I feel quilty for having them, because I really love the man I'm with. Am I bisexual? Is it possible to stay heterosexual? These thoughts are scaring me.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 28, 2008 03:53PM
, Jul 28, 2008 03:53PM
To: jasmine49
Hi Jasmine:
These are good questions, and you’re not the first person who is confused about their sexual orientation. First of all, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Your sexuality is unique to you. You are who you are. Regarding sexual orientation, sexological research has discovered that many people are very fluid in their sexuality: in fact, people all over the map: exploring same-sex fantasies one day, falling in love with the other sex the next—and every other variation you can think of. Where are you getting this message that you have to make some sort of decision and label yourself as either hetero- or bisexual? Why not just be who you are? I know it can complicate potential relationships, but aren’t we more than just what we do with our crotch?
It sounds like it’s important to you to be close to a woman, so I’m wondering why you feel guilty about that. Are you afraid you’ll like being with a woman more than being with your male partner? No one can answer this question except you. You may want to keep this just as a fantasy rather than act on it, and if so, you’re not being disloyal to your partner. As long as you care about him and still want to be with him, your fantasies aren’t harming your relationship.
I don’t know if your reference to your partner being “impotent” means you’re not currently being sexual with him. If you’re not, this can put added pressure on your decision-making process, so this could complicate matters. I’d suggest opening up the lines of communication with him about what’s possible sexually for the two of you.
In closing, let me say that it’s important that you decide what to do in your life based on what works best for you. The trick is figuring out what that is—and then making it happen. Sometimes that can be difficult when you feel alone and without support, but there are some excellent resources available online. Here’s a bisexual resource website which lists helpful information: http://www.geocities.com/sbwn/res_Online2.html Good luck to you! Dr. J
These are good questions, and you’re not the first person who is confused about their sexual orientation. First of all, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Your sexuality is unique to you. You are who you are. Regarding sexual orientation, sexological research has discovered that many people are very fluid in their sexuality: in fact, people all over the map: exploring same-sex fantasies one day, falling in love with the other sex the next—and every other variation you can think of. Where are you getting this message that you have to make some sort of decision and label yourself as either hetero- or bisexual? Why not just be who you are? I know it can complicate potential relationships, but aren’t we more than just what we do with our crotch?
It sounds like it’s important to you to be close to a woman, so I’m wondering why you feel guilty about that. Are you afraid you’ll like being with a woman more than being with your male partner? No one can answer this question except you. You may want to keep this just as a fantasy rather than act on it, and if so, you’re not being disloyal to your partner. As long as you care about him and still want to be with him, your fantasies aren’t harming your relationship.
I don’t know if your reference to your partner being “impotent” means you’re not currently being sexual with him. If you’re not, this can put added pressure on your decision-making process, so this could complicate matters. I’d suggest opening up the lines of communication with him about what’s possible sexually for the two of you.
In closing, let me say that it’s important that you decide what to do in your life based on what works best for you. The trick is figuring out what that is—and then making it happen. Sometimes that can be difficult when you feel alone and without support, but there are some excellent resources available online. Here’s a bisexual resource website which lists helpful information: http://www.geocities.com/sbwn/res_Online2.html Good luck to you! Dr. J
