Should I be forgiven...?

[jb8176]

OK. I'm sure most of you read my last post "Was I dishonest?", and I'm sure you're wondering, "What now?!?!"
Well, we are having a very hard time coming back from the whole cheese mess. You may think it is crazy, but the cheese has turned more into a metaphore than an actual thing. He has given me the benefit of the doubt many times over the last 3 years or so. I have had a problem of talking my way into something, by ways of not meaning what I said, or not saying what I meant (just like with the cheese). And he has always given me the benefit of the doubt and believed me; even though he feels that I am only trying to cover my own a$$ and dig myself out of holes that I dug myself into. And to this day, I maintain my innosence, saying that I did not lie to him, only communicated incorrectly. However, now he is to the point that he feels he should not have to give me the benefit anymore. I should just watch what I say and how I say it, so I don't "dig holes" as he puts it. Now, I fully agree with this...but I keep finding myself in these situations with him.
Now, I have not always had this problem, only in the last 3 years or so...but they are getting to be very frequent (every 3-6 months or so now). I am starting a new medication soon (Celexa) and think it will help me a lot.
Now, the whole point of this post is to get some outside perspective. Should he forgive me, let me do what I feel needs to be done to keep this from happening again and move forward? Or should he not forgive me, and call everything quits?
We have been together for almost 6 years now, and the last half or so of it have not been very good. (mostly because of me and my issues). Please help! I love him to death, and want to work things out, but he is finding it very hard to get past this.
Any advice or insight is appreciated.
Thanks!

[Agiesmom]

I really think the answer to the title of your question is up to your boyfriend.  Each person has their own tolerance level and their own limit on the number of times they forgive or can go through emotional turmoil.  So that's up to him.

Looking at the situation from where I sit, I agree with him in that you should be more careful about wording your intentions, but I would imagine this is one of the issues with addiction in general.  I had a great-aunt who was an alcoholic and she lied all the time (and that is exactly how the family viewed it)--she lied about if she drank, when she drank, how much she drank, how early she drank, she would lie and say she wasn't going to drink any more, that she would cut down, that she would not ruin the family Christmas gathering, that she wouldn't spend the rent money on booze, etc., etc.  The family viewed it as lying because everyone was sick of hearing it over and over again when nothing ever changed, but I'm certain that there were days when she truly MEANT what she said when she said it and she hated herself for what she did to everyone.

Back to you...the third option would be for him to have a wait-and-see attitude--maybe give it a few months and see if the new medication helps, if you are truly committed to taking control of it, and if you will stop making promises you don't/can't keep.  In the meantime, if he's going to hang around a bit longer to see if things improve, he needs to make his own sandwiches and his own pasta/bread/carb portion of the meals you have together.  Like someone in your other thread said, you wouldn't ask an alcoholic to mix and serve you drinks.  In hindsight, it really wasn't fair for us to invite my great-aunt to family get-togethers where everyone drank alcohol (and a few would occasionally have too many) while expecting her not to have a drink.  I have heard that people claim that as an alcoholic, you need to figure out how to be around it and overcome the temptation, but I think that you should have a place with family and loved ones where you are not tempted and can feel loved and supported.

I don't think it's too much to ask your boyfriend for his support by having him make his own sandwiches and carb dishes from now on.

[RockRose]

Yes, I think you're one of those people who tells half truths all the time.  ALL the time.  I think when you say you do this about every six months is wrong,  I think you do this every single day.  Coat truths,  angle things in a way that suits you.

It goes hand in hand with an eating disorder.  You have an extreme need to control  your world,  down to the bites of food you eat,  and one aspect that always comes with eating disorders is also a view of the world that isn't correct.

I'm not hammering you, but giving you my perspective - if he expects to have a woman who is completely honest - who tells it like it is all the time,  he needs to find one without an eating disorder.

But the thing is,  he doesn't want that,  does he?  He wants to be superior to your "inferior" behavior.  He wants someone he can hold down,  and that's what he's doing and he's enjoying going on for weeks now about a piece of cheese you ate because he makes you make his sandwiches.

You're a hand in glove relationship -

[RockRose]

Oops,  I didn't finish.  You're a hand in glove relationship right now - when you recover as you are trying to do,  he's out the door.  Right now you are trying as hard as you can go grow and heal,  and if this Celexa makes great strides,  you can kiss him goodbye.

He seemed fine with your disorder until you are now trying to get better.  This is a typical cycle - now,  he will say well glad you're better but I've had too many years of pain with you.  In reality,  he will leave because he doesn't want a "whole" woman.

Best wishes.

[Agiesmom]

Oh...you are good.  That is so it.  Totally.  Forgot about the need for control with eating disorders.

jb8176, scratch my response--RR hit the nail on the head.