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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Vaginal Insecurities after Childbirth
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
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Vaginal Insecurities after Childbirth
by KATE535, Oct 10, 2008 07:58AM
I had my second child almost three years ago and have since suffered insecurities reagrding the apperance of the area i gave birth to my children - the apperarnce looks stretched, and being a petite person i wish i could regain the look i once had. this has become a concern more lately as my partner has not got any children of his own and former partners he had, I know they haven't had children. i then feel as though i do not pleasure him like they did. i worry i suffer from a looser vagina and this constantly worries me during intimacy also which ruins my enjoyment. i want him to feel fulfilled from love making and wish i could be tighter... is there anything i can do about this with the aide of surgery?
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Oct 13, 2008 01:58PM
, Oct 13, 2008 01:58PM
To: KATE535
First of all, if you’re worried that you have some physiological issues, you should call your gynecologist and ask her/him whether you’ve had any post-partum trauma. Many women who have given birth experience a change in the appearance of their perineum and/or vaginal opening, but this usually doesn’t impact your sexual functioning.
You state that you’re worried about your partner’s pleasure, and I’m wondering if you’ve asked him. I think that should be your first step, as you might be worried about nothing.
Pregnancy and childbirth can often result in the weakening of the pelvic muscles, making the vagina a bit looser. Did you do Kegel exercises throughout your pregnancy? If not, you should definitely start now. I advise everyone to do Kegels regularly throughout the life span. They strengthen and tone the musculature of the pelvic area and tighten the vagina and are especially helpful pre- and post-partum.
Kegels are done to strengthen your PC muscle. What’s the PC muscle? This wonderful part of our bodies is a hammock-like muscle, found in both sexes, that stretches from the pubic bone to the coccyx (tail bone) forming the floor of the pelvic cavity and supporting the pelvic organs. It controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm. It aids in urinary control and childbirth. And as an added bonus: A well-developed PC muscle can enhance sex and orgasm in both sexes because the stronger your PC muscle, the stronger (and more pleasurable) your orgasmic contractions will be.
Kegels are easy to do—and fun too! To identify your PC muscle, sit on the toilet and start and then stop the flow of urine. That’s your PC muscle! Kegels consist of flexing and relaxing the PC muscle. In other words, squeeze, hold and release.
Here are a few techniques:
Hold and Release: Contract the muscle slowly and hold for 5 seconds, release slowly. Work your way to at least 25 reps two times a day.
Flutter Kegels: Do 15 reps of quick pumps, pause for 30 seconds and repeat. Start at 15 and work your way up to 100 reps two times a day.
And the best thing about Kegels is that you can do them anywhere, anytime. No one can see you. Only YOU know you’re doing them. I usually advise people to associate them with something one does daily—like taking a shower, or riding the bus to work. It’s easy to get in the habit of doing them when you connect them to another activity.
Think of your PC as your “sex muscle.” Keep it toned, and it will serve you well for your entire life. With Pleasure, Dr. J
You state that you’re worried about your partner’s pleasure, and I’m wondering if you’ve asked him. I think that should be your first step, as you might be worried about nothing.
Pregnancy and childbirth can often result in the weakening of the pelvic muscles, making the vagina a bit looser. Did you do Kegel exercises throughout your pregnancy? If not, you should definitely start now. I advise everyone to do Kegels regularly throughout the life span. They strengthen and tone the musculature of the pelvic area and tighten the vagina and are especially helpful pre- and post-partum.
Kegels are done to strengthen your PC muscle. What’s the PC muscle? This wonderful part of our bodies is a hammock-like muscle, found in both sexes, that stretches from the pubic bone to the coccyx (tail bone) forming the floor of the pelvic cavity and supporting the pelvic organs. It controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm. It aids in urinary control and childbirth. And as an added bonus: A well-developed PC muscle can enhance sex and orgasm in both sexes because the stronger your PC muscle, the stronger (and more pleasurable) your orgasmic contractions will be.
Kegels are easy to do—and fun too! To identify your PC muscle, sit on the toilet and start and then stop the flow of urine. That’s your PC muscle! Kegels consist of flexing and relaxing the PC muscle. In other words, squeeze, hold and release.
Here are a few techniques:
Hold and Release: Contract the muscle slowly and hold for 5 seconds, release slowly. Work your way to at least 25 reps two times a day.
Flutter Kegels: Do 15 reps of quick pumps, pause for 30 seconds and repeat. Start at 15 and work your way up to 100 reps two times a day.
And the best thing about Kegels is that you can do them anywhere, anytime. No one can see you. Only YOU know you’re doing them. I usually advise people to associate them with something one does daily—like taking a shower, or riding the bus to work. It’s easy to get in the habit of doing them when you connect them to another activity.
Think of your PC as your “sex muscle.” Keep it toned, and it will serve you well for your entire life. With Pleasure, Dr. J
Post Comment
My partner is very loving and he adores me, I have to say, and he has told me he is 'over the moon' with his sex-life. However, when we were starting out, he was unaware I had some insecurities about post-labour after-effects of my vagina , which included worrying about my tightness. And some of the comments he said made me realise he finds being tight really sexy, yet when I'd ask him was it tight, he'd always say no. He didn't realise at the time how much this hurt me as I felt he was suggesting it's been sexier before - not being familiar with partners who have had children like myself. Since then I have confronted him about what he said (since I've never forgaotten it) and he's since said I misinterpreted him etc etc - many excuses to avoid arguments. I have felt betrayed by what he said even though it was said off the cuff. But I've been left emotionally tormented by the fact he prefers the pre-child birth features of the female form. I know I am possibly over sensitive and over-worried because of what was said, but also I am a perfectionist about a lot of things in my life. I want to be perfect for him. I am very confident about my looks but think it's a shame having had children, I am much less perfect in other arears. I know it may sound shallow but it's important to me, it affects my inner-wellbeing fearing I'm not attractive enough. I become quite depressed when I imagine him desiring other women more (even if it may not be happening)...
By focusing on so-called "perfection," you're condemning yourself to a life of dissatisfaction and misery. It might be helpful for you to explore how you got this attitude and why you can't accept yourself unless you're "perfect." Dr. J