severe violent tendancies

[nyahplay]

My younger brother, a nine year old, has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and bipolar disorder during the course of his life. He is very high functioning, but we have trouble keeping him under control. He was two years old the first time that he attacked someone, and at five he snuck into my younger sister's crib and tried to smother her. I never feel safe in this household, but I feel like there's nothing I can do. He attacked me with a pair of scisors just a few months ago, but my parents decided that I wasn't being sensitive enought to his condition, and that it was my fault that he acted out in this way.
My parents refuse to abandon him to an institution; we've tried group counciling and medication, but nothing seems to work. Is there anything else that you can suggest?


This discussion is related to Asperger's and Violence.

[Sally44]

There is also a similar post to yours that has been answered by isautism.  That might be worth having a look at.

[Sally44]

Have your parents screened him for Sensory issues?
I know that sounds very 'simple', but I know of another teenager who tried to smother a baby because he couldn't stand the noise it made when crying.  I am not making excuses for the child, but if his sensory system is hyper sensitive then alot can be done at home to reduce sensory stimulus so that he is less likely to get out of control.
Does he himself every appear not to feel pain eg. has he hurt himself and never complained or been sick or had an ear infection and never said anything to anyone?  If he has then sense of touch (and pain threshold), might be totally different to yours and he may not have realised that what he did (stabbing you with the scissors), would cause you pain.
If that is not the case and he did understand it would hurt you then there needs to be strict rules about what is/isn't acceptable behaviour and he should be punished for things like that by the removal of something he likes.
Regarding being mean and selfish.  A child is only really mean or selfish if they understand about other people wanting/needing other things and if they have learnt to share and take turns.  If, inspite of that, they still insist on only having what they want, then yes they are being mean/selfish.  Those with autism do not understand another persons' wishes/desires etc.  They think everyone thinks like they do.  Many have not been taught how to share or take turns.  That being the case, they are not being mean they are just ignorant.  They need those concepts taught to them and the schools Educational Psychologist and the Speech and Language Therapist should be involved in putting together a programme at school and should also be helping you to put a similar programme in place at home.  Has his school been informed of his behaviour at home?
As a toddler when my child bit, or hit me I would do it back to him (not really hard, but enough for him to understand it hurt).  They don't automatically understand they are hurting you because they are not feeling the pain themselves.  
Once when my daughter had a friend round to play, they decided to hide in a piece of luggage.  My son decided to jump on it, and really scared and hurt the girl.  He had seen something similar on Tom and Jerry and thought it was funny.  When I explained to him that what he had done had hurt her he was absolutely devastated.  These children need everything explaining to them from the start to the eventual outcome.  Don't assume they know anything regardless of how intelligent they are.  They don't learn from watching, if they could they wouldn't be autistic.  They need it taught to them.
I don't have these issues with my son.  So if the suggestions I am making are even touching on the extent of the problems you are having as a family, then I think the family needs to get some expert advice.  I know that some families have locks on all the bedroom doors so that each family member is locked safe at night (including the autistic child).  
If you suspect he is being upset by sensory issues resulting in meltdowns, then a good book to buy is called Sensory and Perceptual Differences in Autism and Aspergers.  There is a caregivers questionnaire at the back that you can complete to get a sensory profile of the child.  That might be helpful in understanding what areas are causing him the most difficulties.  Once you know that you can adapt the home environment and everyone in the family will know how to handle him better.

[MysteryGael]

Hi.  I can only share with you what I have experienced myself.  I don't know the full situation with your family, but it sounds like you are very scared.  I have a 13-year-old son with autism who has been very violent with us as well.  He has many brothers, and I know that they feel the way that you do because they see how he says and does the same things over and over again and never seems to learn from his mistakes.  He is mean and controlling with everyone in the family, and I know there are a lot of times that they are very scared of him too.  Your parents may not be showing it, but I bet they are very worried about you and your little sister too.  I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can get through to my autistic son, and I think his siblings get lost a lot in the chaos, which is really not fair to them.  Autism is hard on everyone.  This is why we all really need to advocate and try to get the world to pay more attention to autism, because so many of us are in horrible situations that there seems to be no solution for.  And I don't see the struggle of helping my child as hopeless at all, but I have thought from time to time about what that would mean if there was no way at all to get through to him.  It is an extremely frightening thought.  I know that I have to determine in my own mind what is the point at which I will not take anymore chances and will leave my son's care to an institution.  I haven't reached that point yet, but I do have an emergency phone number that I can call if I ever feel the family is in too much danger. Your parents may have something similar that they are praying they will never have to use.  But maybe you could find out from your parents if they have a plan of what they will do if your little brother does get really far out of control.  The safety of the family is very important too, and if you feel truly in danger you have got to know what you can do to protect yourself.  I think usually you can get this information from your counselor.  You could also call the hospital and he would be admitted during a violent episode and sedated.  Some people are afraid to call for help because they think their child may go to jail, but I am told (at least in my area, and you should check for yours) that the hospital is really a better option, and that they will even help make sure he gets the right medication.  Which is another thing I think I should mention is that sometimes the voilence is worse if the medication is not properly adjusted.  There are many types of medication, and some of them work better for some individuals than others, and you have to go through a lot of trial and error to find the right match.  If a medication that is being tried is not helping or if the violence seems to increase, it could be the medication is not having the right affect on the individual. Some individuals react to certain medications with increased violence.  This happened to my son once.  We did a trial of a certain med that works well for some autistic kids, but my son reacted to it by pulling knives on us.  We put him on a different med and the violence subsided quite a bit, meaning he was not as explosive and unmanageable but still needed medication.  Also, I have found that when he goes through growth spurts, he needs an adjustment of the medication he is on because it is no longer enough for his body and therefore not as effective.  People can also become acclimatized to medication which might make it less effective.  So if your parents are not still actively having the medication monitored by a doctor, they probably should.  There might be other things the doctor could offer that might work better.  I really hope that I have helped you.  Best of luck to you.