Jun 17, 2010
Weight hasn't been doing much, in fact 2 pounds zipped back on for no reason except to be stubborn this Sunday, which are slowly coming off again.
No matter, as today I got a free scoop of ice cream, whipped cream, and melted chocolate for my 35th birthday, which I enjoyed for what it was: a welcome reward for continuing the fight to stay alive as opposed to the alternative :)
Oddly, I was completely relaxed while the mound of rich vanilla ice cream was placed in front of me. My dieting days would have put me on a tightwire of stress, fear, and uncertainty in identical circumstances, since I would immediately be thinking ahead to all the time AFTER the dessert when I would be fighting the urge to keep "the moment" going by eating more desserts and sugary stuff long after the fact.
While the rest of my day's fruit quota was used up by the gooey dessert, I don't particularly care to have any more than what I had, which is an experience I have only dreamed of up until now. Being able to look at sugary desserts head-on and think "Meh, I can either take it or leave it" is a glorious realization in my eating training.
I've built up enough strength to be confident in my preferences and forgiving in my allowances while still having the presence of mind to keep it all in balance. Yay!