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A Whole New Level of Stress

May 22, 2010 - 0 comments
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levels

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stress



It was taped to our front door yesterday: NOTICE OF FORECLOSURE.

Even though we have been paying into a temporary mortgage modification program and haven't missed a month, our deed to the house was apparently sold from underneath us 9 months ago to a company in California who now intends to auction our home June 9, 2010 to the highest bidder. Which means, at that point, we are marked for eviction.

With a partner in a wheelchair, 2 cats, and both of us unemployed for over a year and less than $80 to our name at the moment, suddenly we're faced with having to find a place a wheelchair can get into...and a place that accepts cats...at almost no notice. My partner's sister has been supporting us financially and this news is not going to go over well, as moving and storage costs on top of rental costs will soon be coming into the picture.

The house, admittedly, was too big for just the two of us and there were a couple rooms that were hardly ever used along with a pool in the backyard that has been seeing more traffic from passing leaves than people. I was prepared to downsize, but my partner was stubborn in keeping the house. Now we're going to lose a lot more than that for reasons that could have been avoided 3 years ago.





New Jeans Size 18!

May 14, 2010 - 1 comments
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new

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18

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size 18

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size

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jeans

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years

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Weight

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shopping

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Weight Loss

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smaller

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clothes

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progress

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success



The time finally came for me to invest in a new pair of jeans after my old 22/24 Women's size pairs became too uncomfortably loose to wear after having lost over 30 lbs by now.

It was quite the experience to be shopping for a SMALLER size after nearly 2 years of trying to find the next size up in despair. While not all sizes are made equal, as I soon was reminded...it was awesome knowing that no matter what size I ended up with, it too will become too big in the next few months.

I also got to go through my entire wardrobe closet to start weeding out the 3X and 4X sizes, dusting off my long-awaited 2X, 18/20 Women's clothes...even down to my underwear which finally qualified for size 10 rather than sizes 11-13.

Trying on all the things that I haven't been able to wear for over 2 years and having them fit perfectly was a crazy sensation. Even more so since I am not torturing myself into a smaller size with punishing exercise regimes and fad dieting. It's almost like I've been losing weight for free!

Some of our friends, only now, are starting to drop hints that they may be noticing a difference in my appearance after all this time. Past a certain weight, it seems, every 10 lbs lost only looks like 4 or 5 from the outside, if that. Now that my XXXL clothes are doing time in a plastic bag in the closet and my 2X clothes are ready to make their comeback, the changes will be even MORE noticeable!

Back on the Gift List...

May 13, 2010 - 0 comments
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gift

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years

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Thyroid

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Weight

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Bleeding

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spotting

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medication

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pills

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hormonal

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Birth Control



It had to happen sooner or later...

Though my menstruation cycles have NEVER been regular, even when I was on the pill, I knew for a fact that they ceased to exist altogether once my weight rose above 220 lbs. And so that proved to be for at least 2 years straight --- minus the bleeding that was caused by my thyroid medication.

Now that my weight has dropped BELOW 220, the rusty old gears of my reproductive tract have begun to crank and screech their way back into motion again...albeit only halfway.

I always envied the women who thought they were complaining about their 3 to 5 day cycles as though the only thing that lasted longer was the fossilization process. These women would go out of their collective minds if they were forced to sit through the up to 23 days of "spotting" I get from my substandard hormonal processes. My "short" cycles don't go any lower than 9 days. Long cycles, such as this one, can drag on at minimum bleed for weeks to months.

The birth control pill, which caused more problems than it solved, couldn't force my body into a schedule for long. My cycle, like an iceberg, drifted further and further away from the "off" week on the pill until there came a time when the cycle wouldn't start until a few days after I resumed the pill again after the "dud" week was over.

No doctor has really shown that much of an interest in this phenomenon, since the question of my having children was off the books for other reasons. The main sacrifice, of course, is intimacy...since even spotting is an irritant to the body and makes one feel sore and lousy for as long as it's going on. Guess I'll have to join a bowling team ;)

Mind over Mutter...

May 02, 2010 - 0 comments
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mind

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test

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Health

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Weight

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Weight Loss

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food

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Eating

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Exercise

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nervous

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Affirmations

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skepticism

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gimmicks

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commercials

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fads

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Diet

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progress

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Rehab

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Rehabilitation

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Life changes



Now 11 weeks into my re-education of my eating, I've loosened up a bit and some habits and choices are becoming automatic for the most part. Once every so often I sample a CRUMB of cake pinched between my fingers, feeling a strange combination of instability and terror as the now intense blast of sugar and fat brings back more EMOTION than flavor. I know, with a very nervous conviction, that I am still far from able to put gooey desserts in proper perspective. A lifetime of bad habits and 100 extra pounds was built on those foods, and while some experts insist that we MUST have desserts in small amounts to prevent bingeing as a result of total abstinence, there are times when it is definitely advisable NOT to test fate before you're psychologically prepared to. When a crumb of cake stops making me nervous, I can move up to a forkful.

It doesn't really matter much, since I do just as well on sweet fruits (and the occasional diet soda or sugar-free hot cocoa) with a strong compliment of vegetables and proteins alongside some simple enriched grains. So far, they've been serving me well.

I still keep an ear to the ground and keep a casual watch on what the expert of the moment thinks we should be doing to make ourselves healthier, while marveling at the conflicting commercials promising wonder-cures for weight loss using the same, tired old methods that have failed so many of us in the end. Pills, delivered diets, magazine diets, health clubs, exercise gurus, all using every gimmick they can to separate us from our sanity...and more importantly, from our MONEY.

The latest gimmick that has me rolling my eyes is the idiot machine that waggles our back ends from side to side as though we were wagging our tails in blind obedience to the company which promotes the crap that makes looking like an idiot seem really productive. I do a few simple stretches and bends, the occasional few minutes of aerobic-type exercise, and leave it at that.

Past a certain weight, any signs of loss pretty much have to double in amount before they are physically noticeable. Though I have dropped 26 lbs in a little over 11 weeks, no one seems to have caught on yet that anything is different. I've lost 3 inches from my hips alone, which makes certain areas of my clothes bulge out in places LESS than they had previously, but I am still in the ballpark of my original clothing size from the waist up, which kind of hides most of my progress thus far. Oh, well. That won't last :)