All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

Dec 07, 2012 - 2 comments

just a little story i read and thought it was touching and wanted to share...


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t...know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

mother's day

May 13, 2012 - 1 comments

this morning matthew and i enjoyed pancakes! it was nice. we visited my mom briefly and she got matthew to scribble in a card and bought me roses from him. we then went  for a nice walk before lunch. as i walked by the nearby church let out...an oriental man was walking behind me and as he approached me he said o look at you u have a coffee there and a baby and taking a nice walk...u have a good life. then he turned and said i bet you have a nice life don't u...i just smiled at him and said yes life is good. little did this man know about me or my life. he didnt know that i finally got my courage to contact a family lawyer to get a consultation for my divorce...he didnt know that i just got laid off last month and am still negotiationg a package....he didnt know that both my parents arent doing well...he didnt know that i constantly think and worry about everything that i probably have a permanant frown on my face (maybe i  hide all thatbehind my wide rimmed sunglasses).

he walked on and saw a little european lady walking alone out of the park...and he said to her happy mother's day...and in her broken english she said yes i didnt get nothing, nobody comes to me...and he said it's a beautiful day u have a happy mother's day... don't worry  and stop thinking so much...he was going on about the bible, but in the end he made her smile and carried on....

life is funny and it just makes u think...(ok i do enough of this...and probably need a break from that too).

today is mother's day...whether we have past memories, present ones, or yet to create future ones, please have a happy mother's day.

MMR shots

Jan 05, 2012 - 20 comments

i know there has been contraversy re the mmr shots and the link to autism...which has no medical evidence...but i have been worried since matthew got his shots last week at 12 months...he has become so irritable and fussy...he was happy before (except when teething) but most part happy. now he screamssssss in the middle of the night and doesnt play as happily as he did before. he really becomes fussy and irritable. speaking to other friends they have postponed these shots til 15 months...reading all this stuff online i am of course more worried..some say u should wait til language developmental skills have been reached...matthew is an active boy but he barely speaks...he says mamma (and dada) and used to say yogurt...lol but now he barely says anything just babbles...i'm also wondering why they r postponing the shots to 15 months if there's no link to autism...did others give the shots to their babies at 12 months and did they have any side effects, irritability or change in behaviour? i know i have to stop reading the negative but it's hard not too...he is also off of formula and strictly on homo milk...i wonder if that affects him as well...but doubt it as he seems to like it. please share ur stories if u have any...many thanks melissa

time is ticking...

Nov 21, 2011 - 13 comments

well i cannot believe the time has come where i am feeling the anxiety of returning to work....has a year already almost come to an end???? ivebeen thinking of it but it's hitting me now...i have no plan in place for matthew...i called a daycare in the summer and they told me to call back in november...well they now told me they have a waiting list til almost end of next year...is this really happening???? i was almost thinking of getting a nanny but due to costs etc i may not be able too....my last option is my mom who adores matthew but i know she cannot handle him 5 days a week. he's become such a lil boy and is nonstop...he has been walking since just over 8 months...he'll be 11 months this week! he was never a calm baby either...always moving from day one and never ever just sat there! it was a good year but very very draining....im so not ready to go back to work.  my mom is great but she's a senior and her health is not the greatest...omg i just dont know what im going to do. work wants me back the  week of dec 12th...i was trying to plan matthew's bday party on boxing day since xmas eve would be too chaotic.  his dad is a piece of work too and has not contributed to anything...i think he's waiting til i return to work to get the divorce in place...i just dont have the energy to go and do it now myself or i would...
let me tell u being a single mom is the hardest job ive ever had...bef i used to think my corporate 12 hour day job was tiresome...im trying to keep positive and i want to make this christmas so special for him...o god please let me get through this and not lose my mind. i know it's going to be harder when i return to work...i have to try and keep positive. the holidays r around the corner and i love christmas...this year's going to be so emotional...im booking matthew's christmas photo shoot this week and it brings tears to my eyes that we will never have a family shot. : ( o here i go...getty mushy...i have to snap out of it...doesnt help that i just watched a rerun of little house on the prairie. note to self...only watch happy things and think happy thoughts! hope everyone else is doing well....please for those who have been through this, please tell me it gets a bit better and not worse...thank  u!!!!