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Blood Pressure

Dec 29, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Blood

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pressure

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Blood Pressure

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problem

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down

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Thyroid

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Weight

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sleep

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Birth Control

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fainting



Today my mom took me to get my first "woman-exam". Oh joy. Everything went well, I got put on YAZ (in case anyone has anything to say about that little drug) and I was doing well when they asked if I would like to go ahead and have blood work done to check for any problems I might have concerning my thyroid gland, sugar levels, anything of that sort. I am deathly afraid of needles but I handle alright as long as I don't see it... and as soon as the needs goes in, I am fine. I just hate the way it lookes when it punctures the skin. I jumped a few times when her hands touched me but I managed to calm myself and she got it done easy. I stood up from the table, put my cloves back on and though I was seeing a few spots in my vision, I kept walking. I have heard that taking blood can have minor effects like that. I have never had blood drawn before because until recently I have not had many medical issues... Also I weigh below the legal weight requirement for blood donors. I walked back into the waiting room where my mom was and sat down beside her. I kind of layed over and couldn't hold up so my mom went to pay so we could leave fast and go home. She helped me up and we went out the door, right there I sat down because I couldn't hold myself up anymore. My stomach was knotting up and I felt all dried out. Mom told me that we were going back to the waiting room so I could sit down and then she'd find an exam room for me to lay down in. Once in the exam room, my vision had begun to spin and black out around the edges repeatedly. They got me a room and I was taking a turn for the worst fast. They got me up and walkin, all be it slightly unstable but walking none the less. I made it through the doors of the waiting room into the office and that is where I fell. I was still conscious for the most part but I lost control of my body. My mom and a nurse caught me and I can't rightly remember all that went on except that my mom was dragging me, my boots were making that god-aweful sound of being drug on carpet, and Mom was saying something to a nurse about being used to it because she worked at a veterenary clinic except that it was usually heavy dogs rather than her daughter. After that I can't remember anything. My mom says that I was out cold just before we made it to the exam room. Next thing I know I am dreaming about people making a fuss over me and all I want to do is tell them to hush because I am trying to sleep but then something is burning the hell out of my nose and I am awake and words come bubbling out of my mouth. The words weren't very nice, or lady like. I distinctly remember something about "fu*k!ing hot stuff in my d@mn nose" and something else about "Why the he!! are ya'll yelling at me?". My arms were numb and tingling and I was burning up. I had lost control of my bladder so my @ss was wet and at this point I was extremely irritated. They made me open my eyes and drink some sort of juice. They took my blood pressure and wrapped me in a blacket and put towels under me. After I was awake I was fine and just took a little while to get my breathing under control, though I was back to my snippy self in no time. Appearantly when they took the blood, I was alright until it set in my system and my blood pressure dropped all the way down to 86/56 in less than 3 minutes and the reseult was me passing out for the first time ever. Crazy, hm? That's what I thought. Everyone's first reaction is that I might be anemic... however, I think it's just because of my weight combined with my body's sensitivity right now. Oh well, tell me what you all think!

Inspiration from the Past (a cut from an email)

Nov 30, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression

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inspiration

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email

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past

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Heart

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sleep

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head

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Life

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mind

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thought



This is an email I sent to my best friend who now lives 2 hours away from me. Our nickname for one another is 'nini' to help with the refrences. Also, TD is my boyfriend.




Bitter Slips of Conscience [a dose of sedated nitro]

Nini. I need you. I don't know what's going on with me. I can't handle things like I could. I'm freaking out and blowing up at people. My mind is running in twenty different directions and I can feel the strain like a rubberband about to snap. There are a running horde of men from the great depression rushing for a job in every corner of my mental capacity. I can hear the wheels whirring wildly and the feet stomping as a mob flees after being battered. I don't know what I am talking about anymore. Everything is in a monochromatic film with too many glitches. I don't live in today anymore. I live in my head and I can no longer tell memory from dream. I have lost the glory of color except for the vivid imagry in my mind that I'm not sure I can trust to be my own. My body feels like a lead sculpture. I feel heavy as two tons though I am lacking in the solidity of a human full of organs and blood and rushing life. Could not a soul view me and notice that I am not in a proper manner? An essay has been assigned to us about nostalgia and the feeling of a wish to return to the past with some sort of homesickness in our hearts. This is how I have come to know myself. My heart tells me that I do not belong in this life right now. I do not know what is occuring around me or to what extent these things effect us. I pay no mind to the happenings of the world and I have not a slight inkling of understanding of why people behave the way they do. My heart speaks to me in undertones of the 1920's and a feeling of the becomings of the Depression grip my soul so lividly that I fear they to take my life. This modern world escapes me in a blur of classic mind-sets and images. Where have I left myself to? What world do I live in and why do I no longer feel the pull of a connection to this one? I am lacking in the present because I live in a coctail of memory and dream of a past that I do not trust and I sleep in a whirr of love and wishes of the future to come that I so long to be a part of. What do I do to return myself to this present moment? I only wish to find myself in the present when I am with TD, other than that pull I find no tie to this time in which I take my breaths. I love you nini and I need the support of my sister. I miss having someone to confinde my mental furrows in. My brain is so abnormal that I do not know how else to treat it and I don't know who else outside the two of you that I can confide in.

Thanksgiving Blues

Nov 27, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Thanksgiving

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Life

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family

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Headaches

,

My family



Happy Thanksgiving! Yesterday I went to visit family on my mom's side that I havn't seen in around 4 or 5 years. The experience was miserable. Everyone there was somewhere around 50 years older than us and the only thing I heard for the entirety of the day was "You've got so big!". Everyone was throwing mini party like fits over how tall and old my brother and I were getting. I got the inevitable 'what are you doing after school' question around 35 times. I had to repeatedly explain where I was going and what I was doing

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't enjoy visiting my family, it's just that I hardly knew any of them and I was irritated with how 'interested' they were with my life when none of them knew who I was. Another factor that made my day worse was that I was approximately 5 hours away from my boyfriend and have been for several days now. (Yes I am aware that I sound like an over dramatic teenager but the factis that while I don't mind being away from him, as in it's not goingto kill me, hehas been the most stable person in my life for the past few months and it's hard for me to not have him there to support me.)

Now I am at my mom's house for another 3 days. We are having supper with my step-dad's neice, her husband, and their two year old daughter. The daughter screams... a lot. Because of my back, I am sinsitive to headaches and this little girl, while cute, is starting to cause some serious ear damage. (not litterally)

Anyway, I think I will return to my misery now.

Return from Yesterday

Nov 25, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

school

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Pain

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sores

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TIME

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Back

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shoulder

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sharp



After I was looking up all those names, I was talking to my boyfriend and he said he wanted to use the name Gunther. I just looked at him with a 'are you serious' look. I mean no offense to anyone with the name but I personally DO NOT like it. This opinion might have something to do with a Gunthry I knew in elementary school that I didn't have the highest likings for.

Anyway. Last night I fell asleep on my back. I woke up several times in the night with sharp pains in various places. I have read that if the pain is worse at night that there is a possibility that it is something more serious. When i wake up in the mornings my back is so sore that it takes me a while to raise up. My shoulders and ribs are probably the worst.