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It's over almost completely

Sep 16, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Relationships



Okay so she told me that this wasn't a temporary break up anymore it's a full break up. It hurts really bad to hear that and I think most of the emotions will cycle back through me because it's like hearing the same thing twice almost. I'm still going to try my absolute hardest to remain best friends with her, but it's going to be a long tough road for me. She told me in a respectful way to go talk to my doctor, start my meds again, as well as she really wants me more than anything to see a psychiatrist to talk about this then eventually my problems with my dad.

To be honest I don't know that I want to improve my relationship with my dad though.

Anyways one of these next few days I'll be telling my dad and his fiance. I'll also have to tell my mom, and brother, it's going to be a hard pill for me to swallow.

a few days ago I was doing okay because I was realizing that there are still parts of our relationship that will remain and that was pulling me through but right now I'm having a hard time seeing that, I know it's true, but it's hard. My mood for the next few weeks will be in the gutter most of the time, I'm going to do my best to lighten up and see the good things around me, and the people surrounding me, but it's definitely going to be the hardest thing I've faced my entire life.

and to those who read this and wonder if I may commit suicide, no, I'm not going to, I don't believe in suicide as an answer. I hit rock bottom once and considered it, since then I've realized that no matter what the issue is I'll get past it and I'll be happy again, and that's worth the pain of sticking it through.

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mood rapidly changing

Sep 14, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

improving

,

mood

,

Relationships

,

Love



I'm really having a tough time with this, yesterday and today all I want to do is be with people, I want to be with someone who is okay with me talking about what's going on but at the same time I just want to have a good time something that takes my mind off of life right now. Sadly the person I usually found comfort with was always Nicole, for the first few days of this oddly enough all I wanted to do was spend time with her, doing fun things and talking about this. Her and I are both supporting eachother and want to comfort eachother through this, we always were a unique couple and we know that what happens with most people doesn't have to happen with us. Most people split up and never talk again. Her and I want to go back to being Best Friends, not just friends but Best Friends, sharing secrets, talking about anything and what-not. We both know that that's going to be incredibly hard to do but we're both determined to make it happen and hopefully we'll succeed. I still more than anything want her back. What's keeping me going right now is the fact that her and I will still be Best Friends and some of the best parts of our relationship will still remain, we can talk about anything to eachother, before our relationship she was very good at comforting me and being there for me. It sounds pathetic but that's one of the things I value most about her and that is helping me through. I plan to talk to her about us being able to talk about things that we could before, such as our inside jokes, and also I would like ideally to have been able to talk about things that happend when we were together. For me doing this will both be beneficial and it may make things difficult, it will make things beneficial because we will still be able to talk about things, tell our jokes, enjoy our time together. It could also make it harder for us, because certain jokes are related to us being together. Wish me luck Cyberspace!

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I believe God has guided me today.

Sep 12, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Love

,

God

,

miracle



I started out the day crying my eyes out before leaving home, to go to church and do my volunteer work(I've been doing it for years) last night I prayed at the church for multiple hours straight, over my relationship with my girlfriend. I keep calling her that because right now that's how I still see her, it's hard for me to see her otherwise.

Anyways this is the interesting part, immediately after church I decided I had to do something for myself I couldn't take the pain anymore, I rode my bike down a highway nearby (speed limit is 55 so it's not like i was on a 70 mph road) anyways I decided to try to bike as hard as I could until I couldn't bike anymore mainly to mask the pain, I outlasted my own prediction, I kept following the same road because it follows the Mississippi river, anyways, I kept going and going and going I went a whole 13 miles, I eventually passed my girlfriends house by about a mile, I didn't intentionally do this, anyways I suddenly felt I couldn't bike anymore, I was way to weak I felt I couldn't even bike across the street in time before the light turned green. When that happened it dawned on me, there was a reason I was there, there was a reason I got tired at that exact point. I biked on over to Target went in got flowers, got a card bought them then borrowed a pen from the cashier and sat for about 10-15 minutes writing to my girlfriend, I told her that it will be hard for me to go back to being friends, and that I don't believe temporary breakups ever work, but I told her I would do my best to remain her best friend. We were best friends before we got together and we both want to remain best friends even through this, I pray to God that we'll go back together but I still don't believe in "temporary" break-ups.

anyways I brought all of that stuff and was planning on leaving it on her car then her dad popped out of the garage as I was about to do it, he doesn't know yet. I said hi, and left them on a table when all of a sudden as I'm leaving my girlfriend stops me at the foot of her drive-way and I look up thinking "oh gawd, I didn't intend for this to happen" anyways I went inside didn't tell her I biked until later but anyways we talked things through and agree even though we're not together we're still best friends and we can help each-other through anything, even oddly enough helping each-other through our own splitting up. I told her to call me if she starts feeling down about this, and she told me to do vice versa, we both know we're both going to be crying like crazy but it's not as hard knowing oddly enough that we're there for each-other.

I personally believe God answered my prayers from last night and sent me there to do that.

I may volunteer at a church but I'm not a jesus freak and I don't point to God whenever something happens, but this was really amazing and what I still find odd is that she told me that she had a feeling I would somehow show up. She didn't think I'd bike that far that's for sure but she somehow felt I would.

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Perfect relationship "temporarily" ended

Sep 11, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Relationships

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3 years

,

My girlfriend

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perfect relationships



I've been dating my... well I'll call her my girlfriend for this, we've been dating for almost 3 years now and honestly our relationship couldn't have been better we only had 4 fights and what we call fights are what others would just call arguments because they weren't huge, we've dealt with almost every relationship problem there's been, but she told me today she  needed to take a break, she claimed it wasn't me, and that it was her, that she needed to find herself again, she went to Africa about 2 and a half months ago and told me that ever since she got back she feels like she's faking all of it, not faking the love between us but for example she feels she has to force herself to do things for our relationship, she doesn't feel it comes naturally anymore.

I know most people would say something along the lines of "your a teenager there are many fish in the sea blah ditty blah", Yes I'm 18, but we really had a serious relationship that was ALL ABOUT the relationship, it wasn't about sex it wasn't about making out, thought we did things, we both wanted the relationship most.

I would say we had one of the best relationships on this planet, as I said rare fights, no real arguments, we are polar opposites but our personalities work great.


Well anyways before we even started dating we said we would try to remain best friends regardless of whatever happens to our relationship. We made that promise and always said we were two best friends that dated, pretty much and we always saw each other as both, her and I know each other so well  we can finish each-others sentences predict everything each other will do. Anyways, I gave her a promise ring a long time ago, I gave it to her with several big promises all of which carried on past just our relationship as a couple. I told her I would always love her and be there for her no matter what life brings, regardless of whether we're together or not.
I told her I would never cheat on her it'd hurt me much more than her(the only couple type one)
and a couple others

anyways she said she wants to go back to being best friends "temporarily" to see if doing that will cause anything to change, making her want to come back. God I hope she comes back, I know these temporary breaks never work but I really hope she does. I've prayed for close to 3 hours today over this. I really love her, and she says she still loves me alot, but she feels it's something she has to do.

I'm considering giving her a check for $200-$400 to help her in paying for her ticket to go back to Africa, she went there the first time and hasn't stopped dreaming or thinking about it since, she told me it's really changed her life, I know it may not save my relationship with her, but I really want to show her I support her regardless of what happens.



ohhh great.... right after I submitted this an ad popped up saying "rewrite your man's imperfections" what a great ******* night.......

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