I have a history of being awful at sticking with things. Especially my meds, and obviously my mood trackers.

I love how the tracker shows my "average mood" as "okay" lately, which is technically in the middle of all my current moods, but still so far from the truth! It's been up, down, mixed, up, down, blah, etc.

Recently, I'm attempting a new start at everything. STAYING ON MY MEDS is the number one priority (except for the Ambien, which is a hell of a withdrawal). Trying to work on relaxation methods for my severe insomnia, which was driving me to hallucinations, and is finally getting better. Trying to keep checklists and notes about everything. Feebly trying to exercise regularly.

So my current (no health insurance now, thank you generics and assistance programs) psych med status is: Lamictal 50mg (working up to 200), Wellbutrin XL 150mg (after a bunch of SSRIs failed on me), Klonopin .5mg bid (have overdone this, will not anymore), and slowly coming off the Ambien after 4 months of using and abusing it.

Recently, I forgot I took my Klonopin (still not used to routine and my brain is all whacked out), and I drank enough rum to get me pretty drunk. I was feeling great until a huge dizzy, tired spell came over me and I passed out for about 30 minutes. I woke up feeling strangely good, and still a little drunk. Of course, I knew mixing alcohol and any meds is a bad idea, but only after doing that did I research and find out just how dangerous mixing alcohol and benzos is.

...I feel invincible and very stupid at the same time. Won't mix those two again.

Mood Tracker

Well, I forgot about this site, until I got a friend request recently. I have added both people who requested, thanks!

Anyway, I recently went off my Seroquel 100mg, which was my only hope for sleeping, and my dr. replaced it with Trazodone 100mg. It helped me sleep when I took it years ago, but now it is doing nothing, even when I (maybe stupidly) attempted to take 1.5 pills. I have been reading up on Seroquel and I found many cases of withdrawal (despite it not being addictive), including symptoms like insomnia, shaking, nausea, restlessness, and waking up during the night. I have all of the above except shaking, and as someone who has had sleep problems for a long time, this severe insomnia and waking up 6+ times a night is too much for even me. Grr.

The other annoying thing is something seems to be aggravating my arachnophobia. Whether it's the medicines/lack of sleep, or the warmer weather with impending spiders, I keep having hallucinations of spiders crawling in my bed when I wake up. Sometimes I'll scream and jump up, sometimes I can barely move. Oh well...maybe I can discuss that in therapy.

Honestly, I am actually not in as bad a mood as this entry indicates. I'm almost finished with my trimester of college, so that's making me feel pretty good right now.

Morning (afternoon) after the first night on Seroquel. Only half a 200mg tablet, but it made me feel relaxed and tired enough to make me forget all my irritability. I slept well for the first time in forever, but now I feel extremely tired and heavy, which was expected. Better than being up all night with random thoughts racing through my head.

Now I just have to get back into the habit of actually taking my Lamictal. I've been very bad with that, and it doesn't motivate me to take it by making me feel relaxed or high. Unfortunately I tend to need that motivation.

Mood Tracker