Jul 12, 2010
That statement feels like a lot to say today. I do not feel like hurting myself. It just feels like ever day I'm lifting 1000 pound bar bell and each side is bending the bar over me...like in the cartoons. I don't know how I got here.
I used to me a 5'9" model who weighed 125 (I know a lot of women say,"Yea, I feel real sorry for you." But it is my body image.) until I got pregnant last year. I was only 9 weeks when then the pregnancy failed. Then my body seemed to start whacking out. Acne, and weight again, but just a little made 5 lbs. That was in January. The next Dec. I started rapidly fluctuating weight gain, some times as much as 10lbs in one day. It sounds impossible, but is true. I now weigh 171.1. All of the weight is in my stomach. I look like I am 6 mos. pregnant. Isn't that crazy! I get "When is your baby due?" at least once a week. There is no graceful way out this one. If I tell them I am not pregnant then, they feel embarrassed. If I lie and say I am, then a whole series of questions ensues that I cant answer. See I am 47. I don't have any children of my own. I have three step children. All of who were college age when I married their father last year. I probably won't have my own baby. So when people ask me, it just like little needle sticks in that wound.
The forum "Gaining Weight but Not Pregnant" forum has been so helpful. It was a relief to know I wasn't the only one. I've been to every kind of Dr, had every test. So now I am going to try alternative medicine. Hopefully
Alternative medicine will help.