Today I was tense and annoyed but again it was because of my husband and his sports. It is ridiculous how sports can make him lose his cool and ruin an entire day for himself and everyone around him.

I woke up very confused and feeling lost and upset. I had very weird and very real feeling dreams that some left me wondering all day if they really happened or if they were indeed just dreams. About mid day I started feeling a bit more normal but extremely tired because it felt like I didn't get any sleep. The evening was good and calm for the most part. My husband has kept me on edge a lot for the last few days because he has issues at work and with being a step father. I don't know what to do for him and know he needs support but all I can do is think "for god sake will you quit complaining and bringing everyone down a majority of the time. I love him and when he is in a good mood he is fun to be around but unfortunatly it is rare that he shows that he knows how to have a good time with me and the kids. It really bothers me but I can't talk to him about it because he makes me feel even worse when he turns it around on me and starts getting upset that he feels no matter what he does he can't do anything right. He really does not understand what he does to us. Some days I think maybe I should just leave him so we don't bring him down and give him that feeling that he can't do anything right. Me and the kids obviously can't do anything right either.

I'm still doing pretty good on cutting way back on my portions and I have stopped eating so much junk food. I plan to start drinking more water and bring fruit and wheat thins or something so I can have little healthy snacks through the day instead of starving. I really need to cut out the soda and get some excersize.

Okay so I went off my meds for a while because I don't like not having contol of my own life. I was doing good but feeling more and more like I was going to burst. I was starting to see and hear things that werent there and having more and more trouble determining what was real and what wasn't soooo back on the meds starting yesterday. I'm on the lowest dose of Zoloft this week and 100 mg of Lamictal. I had a good day yesterday but too soon to tell if that was anything to do with the meds or not...probably not.