Jan 29, 2011
I know we have heard that Saying So Many Many Times...but here I am going to Use it again, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the last. But Day By Day is how I take life Now. It is kind of different when you think to your self I could be Ill in 6 months Shoot for that Matter a Month from Now. I know How Life Spins on a dime now. I get it..Sorry it took me so long to figure that one out...Boy did it take me for ever to figure that out. And at times it seems Unreal to think I'm dieing..Oh Yes I am Praying that this Chemo will stop the Growth of the Cancer in me, that I will get a Couple of x ter Years..Who think's your ever going to have to think this way? that is why it is easy to fall or slip back into thinking this is Not Real this is something I Just thought up. For real I can't tell you how many times I have asked my husband is it true that I'm Stage 4 and that I'm dieing and what did the doctor say about this that or the other thing. You really can't take it all in.
But what does this all mean? It means to be Real in life, be yourself
it means I'm not going to Pretend to No one any more. You either Like me or you don't...I am going to Start walking again come spring and I will get Fit..
There is So Much More to Life then the Size of Pants I ware or what I do for a Living or how does your house look or what Kind of Car do you Drive??
Oh don't take me wrong I do like Nice things and such but I am doing some of those things that I thought I would have forever to do. And I'm going threw Boxes that Need to gone threw. Not left for others to go threw for me. I want to get a Few CD"s Made for my Only Grand Child...
I want to live each day..I do live each day I have begun to be able to let go of the Anger I have had I have let go of the Emotional Hurt I have had the feelings that have kept coming up on me, the feelings I did not know what to do with , Well Some of them I still don't know what to do with them but others I have put them in there place others I feel like when the time comes I will deal with those feels .'
I really want to Spend my time sharing my love and giving of my love. Something I have been very scared to do for Many years...for real...I don't want to be hurt and I got to the point to ware I just wanted to hang alone. And now I want to spend my time with the People I love and I want to have More Dinner Or BB!Q's with them...
OH Day By Day I will Live and there will be planning along the way..
Thank You So much all of you..Big Hug Rhea xoxo