Multiple Sclerosis Tracker Journals
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**** SUX

Sep 01, 2009 - 0 comments

How am I spose to praise him for doing a good job taking care of me when he can't even manage that?! My pill dispenser is empty and I have no ******* Mucinex left. He was the one who was inconsistent when disiplining Bonsai and that's why she's a terror. A terror that I have to wake him up to deal with every goddamn morning. And would dhe have ever torn up the rug in the first place if he'd had the forsight to put another cat in there in with her after she HAD to be shut in the other ROOM?! Not to mention the whole bathroom is just disgusting and the cat's foods bowls are crusted with food. The vacuum isn't even in here, but it does no need to be the sweep the bathroom floor of ALLL the litter and dry food crust. Did I or did I not suggest moving the goddan fridge so she couldn't jump onto it from here?!?! Oh, well I did but has he done javk **** about it?! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. IF I WANT ANYTHING DONE GODAMN RIGHT AROUND HERE I HAVE TO DO IT MY GODDMANA SELF AND I JUST ******* CAN"T. HAVEN"T BEEN ABLE TO FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!!!

Multiple Sclerosis Tracker

cuz there's no where real to do it

Aug 21, 2009 - 1 comments

I don't even know how to describe how I feel. It's just random pain keeping up, or it was, til I got nauseous and then began to wonder if I was going to poo myself again, so I sat on the pot for awhile. I didn't poo. I'm thinking I just did too much today. I took the stairs maybe 4 times and went out to the car to help get food. I wanted to go. I want to do normal things. My shoulder hurt real bad til I voiced that pain and it was suggested I take a pain pill. I didn't take one when I got home tho and I got distracted eating til I remembered I was going to take a pain pill, but realized then that the pain was lessened. My body feels ringy, but not jittery. I take that as spasm, cuz the word sounds right; like what I feel. My right leg and ab pain is getting raelly bad from getting water, going to the pot several times, shutting the windiw, and coming to sit here. Talking to my brother today he mentioned offhand that he's been telling people he works with that I just don't do much. I don't like that my pain is ignored; I am suffering every day of my life whether I gripe about it or not. I've got the crawls, but last night I had a spider IN my crotch, IN MY PANTIES, and I got bitten, so I'm freaked waaaay the hell out by the crawlies right now. I feel like I've just been so stupid and I could have been having MS issues addressed back when I was in high school, but I took insomni, restless leg sydrome, constantly tense muscles and disproportionately painful sex for granted. They told me I had anxiety and ya know maybe that is why I couldn't grasp what was being said or goign on around me, but considering how little I cared then and how much I care now about how sane I appear anxiety doesn not fit. No body wants to have MS or cancer for cripes sake, but I want an answer so badly; so I can know and point it out and maybe my friends could read a book and understand a little bit. I want people to know, really know, that I'm not opting out of life on any conscious level.

Multiple Sclerosis Tracker

Rundown of 3 days of misery

Feb 03, 2009 - 2 comments
Tags:

Pain

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Eye pain

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Itching

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Headache

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crying pain

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Nyquil

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tappimg



I'm awake cuzs I couldn't breathe. I coughed stuff up and it's better. Haven't used my inhaler yet today. I'm super frustrated cuz I can't use the pc everyday due to my problems, so i'm not tracking anything well, The worst of it isn't even being recorded. My head hurt so bad yesterday. I wore my patch and put white flower all over my face. Today my neck, esp at the base of my skull is itching and it's clean; I just washed it and lotioned it. Scratching it does no good, but I just want to claw it till it's raw. With my headcahe yesterday my head was pulling down to the left and my shoulder was pulling up. I took a klonopin and it helped me to relax. I fell asleep after a few hours of sobbing quietly. I did have a few hours after getting up that morning where I made new calendar sheets and swept the bathroom floor.
Sunday my ab pain was too bad to get out of bed most of the day. I managed to brush my hair and teeth and change underwear; that's it. That's all I could do before the pain forced me back in to the fetal postion.
Saturday night Sean had Adam come over. The pain in my right side and leg andback was so bad I was screaming and crying in front of him; that's new. usually Adam just gets told we have to cancel cuz I'm not feeling well. Now he knows what not feeling well actually means. He's going to make me an ambient music cd. It was really touching to have him be so upset over my condition that night. I was more thankful to have someone care that much for me than I was embarassed to be wrthing and screaming and looking like a retard. I took one and a half pain pills that night, double does of nyquil, and fianally managed to fall asleep after the pain spiked, rolling up mountain peaks like 3 times. Even tho I was doing nothing but lying there in bed on my pillows. What started it all was getting up to pee once. Sean helped by moving energy, but couldn't keep up with as mucha s I needed it. He also tapped on my right side when I was laying on my left adn that helped keep me from writhnig, which is good, cuz all that involuntary writhing just makes the pain spike higher.

Multiple Sclerosis Tracker

Neck Pain

Jan 20, 2009 - 0 comments

Very tight in neck. Pain in jawline and right ear. Slight headasche, but nothing like my eye headaches or TM pain. Very sensitive to heat. Sean froze last night while I was comfy. The fact that I can't brathe well is making everything worse, I thin.

Multiple Sclerosis Tracker