I don't even know how to describe how I feel. It's just random pain keeping up, or it was, til I got nauseous and then began to wonder if I was going to poo myself again, so I sat on the pot for awhile. I didn't poo. I'm thinking I just did too much today. I took the stairs maybe 4 times and went out to the car to help get food. I wanted to go. I want to do normal things. My shoulder hurt real bad til I voiced that pain and it was suggested I take a pain pill. I didn't take one when I got home tho and I got distracted eating til I remembered I was going to take a pain pill, but realized then that the pain was lessened. My body feels ringy, but not jittery. I take that as spasm, cuz the word sounds right; like what I feel. My right leg and ab pain is getting raelly bad from getting water, going to the pot several times, shutting the windiw, and coming to sit here. Talking to my brother today he mentioned offhand that he's been telling people he works with that I just don't do much. I don't like that my pain is ignored; I am suffering every day of my life whether I gripe about it or not. I've got the crawls, but last night I had a spider IN my crotch, IN MY PANTIES, and I got bitten, so I'm freaked waaaay the hell out by the crawlies right now. I feel like I've just been so stupid and I could have been having MS issues addressed back when I was in high school, but I took insomni, restless leg sydrome, constantly tense muscles and disproportionately painful sex for granted. They told me I had anxiety and ya know maybe that is why I couldn't grasp what was being said or goign on around me, but considering how little I cared then and how much I care now about how sane I appear anxiety doesn not fit. No body wants to have MS or cancer for cripes sake, but I want an answer so badly; so I can know and point it out and maybe my friends could read a book and understand a little bit. I want people to know, really know, that I'm not opting out of life on any conscious level.
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