Jan 20, 2014
I am starting to feel like I have every disorder there is. I have been diagnosed with some of the worst ones a person can have and I am a little afraid. I don't like to admit I am scared of anything...especially now that I am stable and clean. A couple of weeks ago I had a depression spell that only lasted for about an hour and a half but it was severe. It came out of nowhere and that is what scares me. I am soooo stable right now. I am confident, active, and am not up or down. That is what I am worried about. Knowing that I have borderline personality disorder on top of everything else makes me feel like I cannot do this. I am afraid that I am fighting a losing battle. Time will tell if my concerns will become reality. I busted my phone about a week ago. I left a place where I have a loan at. In my hands were a sweet tea, my keys, and my phone. As I tried to unlock my door I dropped my phone. I calmly picked it up, put the battery back in it, and placed the back on it. I tried to unlock the door again and the same thing happened. I picked up the phone and threw it against the ground basically shattering it. I then punched my car door and busted up my hand. I have not had any depression or anger since then. This could go either way. If I fall back into depression for no reason or feel anger that seems to come from nowhere I am going to give up and go back into treatment where it is safe for me. Until then I am going to continue to go to my AA meetings, go to church, and continue to work out at the Y. I am really hopeful that all of the things I am doing will keep the anger and depression away but as I said time will tell.