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What day is this... oh yeah, OCT Something

Oct 17, 2016 - 0 comments

The day is not really important because I could go by the calendar- which would logically make sense.  However, my calendar does not run like that nor does a lot of peoples calendars.  I am not in a weekly or monthly or yearly calendar.  Only my finances are.  My calendar runs in different cycles.  I do not have a job or a routine that would allow me to simply say that it matters that today is Oct the something...
Today is the beginning of my weekend.  I decided to stay at home and not "work" today.  Once you see something or know something it is impossible to un-see it or un-know it.  For this reason I am compelled to leave the house most days and do the most "good" I can do.  Mostly unappreciated "work" that is a band aid to the problems that I am assisting with.  I have a good friend that is elderly who himself takes care of an elderly, handicapped lady.  I go there most every day to feed his animals, clean the house, and basically tend to whatever arises that he cannot take care of.
It is not that I do not get anything out of it.  There are perks and the biggest one above all others is that I get to feels selfless in my actions and it makes it easier to sleep at night.
But this being my weekend, I felt like staying home for a bit.  This bit may indeed stretch longer than usual because I am just wore out and fed up and the problem isn't entirely with others.  Other people are the way they are and I although I would change some of their thought patterns if I could I mostly let other people be themselves.
The real problem lies in the fact that most people I encounter at my "job" have stopped "writing their book."
What I mean by this is simple in principle yet since I am a write I generally like to use literary themes in my analogies.  I write.  I write and write and write.  Not only literally but also metaphorically.  I am constantly refining my character and learning and growing into a personality that I am pleased with.  Balancing out the good and bad, the realistic and mystical.  I have wrote several times on here and other places boasting "I am a writer" or "I am Bubby".  I am a veteran, I am a martial artist.  I am the product of several different experiences and a handful of personalities.  Basically we all are.  Somewhere along the line we finally settle into a personality and most of the time that is it.  There are no more changes we just stop learning, pause changing, and regurgitate the words and sentences that become automatic.  The bad part is often when we settle, if we settle, there is still a lot of ignorance that we have about the world.  Being here in Kentucky, as I am sure it is in a lot of places, I am surrounded by and hit with a lot of ignorance, sometimes on a daily basis...
Neil Degrasse Tyson said it once that he is ok with people believing what they want to believe.  I am as well.  The problem lies when you try to change the beliefs of other people.  I offer a challenge to anything I here when it is welcome.  I challenge myself and I challenge other people to re-think what they have learned.  I am getting exhausted however when I am faced with these thoughts that seem to be non-stop that most of the things that I hear are not true.  I have a tolerance for the amount that I can take and when that tolerance is reached I must confine myself again.  To calm, to find peace, and to build up more tolerance.
Anyway I am just rambling.  I don't have really any negative thoughts towards my friends and family.  I just get tired of riding the waves of their negativity and emotional distress.  There is no problem that we cannot work on together.  It just requires opening the book back up and doing some editing on what we think we know.  Then we must start writing a new chapter.  It could be titled "What I thought I knew."
If anyone reads this I hope it is not looked at as negative and I would love to have a discussion on it if someone shares the same belief or disapproves of it.  Either way.

OCT 11 2016

Oct 11, 2016 - 1 comments

I am working on a new theory for fighting depression.  It sort of ties together all of the other theories on fighting depression and brings some more factors in tying the whole thing together in a way that may not be just a theory; it may be a method.
My aunt came over yesterday to spend some time with my mother and I.  Not that I have ever truly doubted the power of positive thinking, but I was able to see it in action yesterday.  Circumstances have left my aunt in very bad shape.  She is due to have a surgery next week that will require 8 weeks of physical therapy.  She stays in pain even though she is on pretty powerful pain medication.
I happened to have a little energy left when I came in yesterday so I decided to spend some time talking to her.  It didn't take too long after making her laugh and smile and reminisce before her mood was lifted.  She smiled and suddenly stood up with a look of amazement on her face because her pain was reduced to discomfort.... guite remarkable.
Although I did point out to her that she likely felt less pain because her mood was raised I try to be careful about those things.
There is a dynamic to situations like this that have scientific principle.  Just like in quantum physics where light is a particle or a wave depending on the expectations of the observer, if a person feels better in a moment where you are directly related to it you have a choice to make.  At that moment a person is vulnerable to your thoughts and have an open mind for a seed to be planted.  You can either lie and produce a placebo effect such as making them think that a certain drink they are drinking is what likely did it or you can tell the truth and let them know that you and the environment that you have created has allowed them to heal.  With family and friends I do not mind too much because they are always welcome to talk to me or even bore me if I have the extra energy but with others I try to stay away from revealing the truth too early as they may start becoming dependent on those moments like a drug.....
Anyway, I could go on and on because it gets much deeper than that; for now I will end it there.

OCT 8 2016

Oct 08, 2016 - 2 comments

Today has been a great day.  It really had to be because yesterday was so horrible, but that's the way it goes.  Although I am not really into the country life I did get a taste of it today.  My buddy and I went out to retrieve some hens that were given to him.  He is old school country and I am not.  I laughed as I chased the chickens and helped with some busy work.  I try to stay busy because I know I will be able to maintain more energy if I do but days like yesterday tend to happen no matter what I do.  I try to wake up early and enjoy the day but sometimes my anxiety will stay with me until the sun goes down.  It reminds me of a poem I once wrote about what would happen if the light went away.
Anyway, it seems that I am able to ride the storm out a little better than I did when I first started.  I know that getting in the habit of coming on here every day to check in will help.  I have a purpose and sometimes I may not stay on it but the pain puts me back on the right path.  You get what you give and if you do not find it within you will never find it without.

OCT 4 2016

Oct 04, 2016 - 0 comments

Yesterday was a busy day.  I stayed active and definitely got my exercise in.  Wally and I are continuing to practice our martial arts.  I find it interesting to see an 85 year old man do the things that he can do.  If he stays at it I should be able to test him soon for his green belt.
There are plenty of things on the list to do today so I am going to try to get started as soon as I can get good and awake.