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I am a writer

Mar 18, 2015 - 2 comments

I shouldn't put blame on myself for the things that have happened since 2013.  I shouldn't feel bad about allowing myself to be weak.  I am a writer.
I can create things like everyone else can creat things.  Like all who have created before me.  I do not need drugs to do this, I can do it better without them.
Sure the addiction has been holding me back a little but it was necessary for me to heal.  I am still a little un-trusting of people and I will likely keep that resentment.  I don't know how long it will take to fully heal but I saw an opportunity the night of the 16th to get and stay clean and I will count yesterday as day one.
Mania may come without the aid of the drugs I was taking but I can cope with that.  What I can't cope with tis the realization that I am just self-medicating and in that self-medication I lost myself.
Through the trials I have learned new strengths that I had not before and brought life back into the strengths that have been the corner stones of my existence.
To tell the whole story would take a long time because I would have to tell the parts that I was absent for through the eyes of someone else.
But today also marks the beginning of a new book of short stories to be finished this year.

Serenity

Feb 16, 2015 - 1 comments

I do not see the fact that I had to check back into treatment as a bad thing.  I actually learned some new things this time and am in very good shape- mentally and physically.
I have been practicing the way of the Tao since 2012 and factors outside of my control pulled me in a new non-spiritual direction.  It was a learning experience that was necessary for me to go through.  I think that all of us have difficulties with our connection to our higher power sometimes.  Practicing the Tao this time actually kept me from going into mania and taught me a new peace that I have never seen before.
I wish I could explain it but it is a journey that you have to take to understand.  The main thing is that I took the journey.  It was challenging and I have to say that in order to overcome most anything you have to work.  It may be little steps and that is ok but you have to work.
Never give up, never give up,NEVER GIVE UP.

Why not dance

Oct 25, 2014 - 0 comments

Do you see me dancing to an off-beat song
Do you hear me singing and want to sing along

Dance with me cause I look ignorant without a partner.  Should I lead or follow.  I know this song really well.  This is my favorite part so I may break away for a solo of flailing my arms about and stomping the ground in anger.  Thanks for the dance.

The morning breeze has secrets to tell

Oct 24, 2014 - 1 comments

This was something I heard Wayne Dyer say last night when I re-watched one of his shows.  For that reason, and some others, I was unable to sleep.  Instead I wrote, worked out, and watched a bunch of inspirational videos.
Yesterday was great.  I did what I said I was going to do and that makes me happy.  I woke up early and got up without going back to sleep.  Later I drove my mom to my aunt's house and we played monopoly and cooked dinner together.  I am very inspired and creative right now.