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Feb 16, 2015 - 1 comments

I do not see the fact that I had to check back into treatment as a bad thing.  I actually learned some new things this time and am in very good shape- mentally and physically.
I have been practicing the way of the Tao since 2012 and factors outside of my control pulled me in a new non-spiritual direction.  It was a learning experience that was necessary for me to go through.  I think that all of us have difficulties with our connection to our higher power sometimes.  Practicing the Tao this time actually kept me from going into mania and taught me a new peace that I have never seen before.
I wish I could explain it but it is a journey that you have to take to understand.  The main thing is that I took the journey.  It was challenging and I have to say that in order to overcome most anything you have to work.  It may be little steps and that is ok but you have to work.
Never give up, never give up,NEVER GIVE UP.

Why not dance

Oct 25, 2014 - 0 comments

Do you see me dancing to an off-beat song
Do you hear me singing and want to sing along

Dance with me cause I look ignorant without a partner.  Should I lead or follow.  I know this song really well.  This is my favorite part so I may break away for a solo of flailing my arms about and stomping the ground in anger.  Thanks for the dance.

The morning breeze has secrets to tell

Oct 24, 2014 - 1 comments

This was something I heard Wayne Dyer say last night when I re-watched one of his shows.  For that reason, and some others, I was unable to sleep.  Instead I wrote, worked out, and watched a bunch of inspirational videos.
Yesterday was great.  I did what I said I was going to do and that makes me happy.  I woke up early and got up without going back to sleep.  Later I drove my mom to my aunt's house and we played monopoly and cooked dinner together.  I am very inspired and creative right now.

Changing Thoughts

Oct 23, 2014 - 1 comments

Now that I feel like I have a little control over my thoughts I am starting to make small changes.  They are no longer racing as much or so contradictory.  Just saying that first sentence in my mind a while ago would have made me go on for a few minutes back and forth between saying to myself that you have no control over anything to telling myself that thought stopping is necessary.
Yesterday was fun.  I went for a ride with my mom and played yahtzee with my aunt.  I remained positive but a little tired all day.
I forced myself only to smoke every hour yesterday and I feel that is already paying off a little bit.  I also didn't smoke in my room very much.  When I did I left the door open most of the time so that I was not trapped in with the smoke.  I looked up some information on Gabapentin yesterday to study the effects and possibility for addiction.  
My main focuses right now are on compassion and patience and that is going to help with the anger.