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Why not dance

Oct 25, 2014 - 0 comments

Do you see me dancing to an off-beat song
Do you hear me singing and want to sing along

Dance with me cause I look ignorant without a partner.  Should I lead or follow.  I know this song really well.  This is my favorite part so I may break away for a solo of flailing my arms about and stomping the ground in anger.  Thanks for the dance.

The morning breeze has secrets to tell

Oct 24, 2014 - 1 comments

This was something I heard Wayne Dyer say last night when I re-watched one of his shows.  For that reason, and some others, I was unable to sleep.  Instead I wrote, worked out, and watched a bunch of inspirational videos.
Yesterday was great.  I did what I said I was going to do and that makes me happy.  I woke up early and got up without going back to sleep.  Later I drove my mom to my aunt's house and we played monopoly and cooked dinner together.  I am very inspired and creative right now.

Changing Thoughts

Oct 23, 2014 - 1 comments

Now that I feel like I have a little control over my thoughts I am starting to make small changes.  They are no longer racing as much or so contradictory.  Just saying that first sentence in my mind a while ago would have made me go on for a few minutes back and forth between saying to myself that you have no control over anything to telling myself that thought stopping is necessary.
Yesterday was fun.  I went for a ride with my mom and played yahtzee with my aunt.  I remained positive but a little tired all day.
I forced myself only to smoke every hour yesterday and I feel that is already paying off a little bit.  I also didn't smoke in my room very much.  When I did I left the door open most of the time so that I was not trapped in with the smoke.  I looked up some information on Gabapentin yesterday to study the effects and possibility for addiction.  
My main focuses right now are on compassion and patience and that is going to help with the anger.

The Truth

Oct 09, 2014 - 1 comments

I have admitted that I am an addict to people that I knew wouldn't be receptive to it.  I have admitted that I am bipolar to people I knew were going to think I was crazy.  Now it is time to admit the truth.
I am scared. I am scared of change and I am scared of responsibility.  For some reason it seems that I would rather spend all day telling myself I can't rather than actually trying.  I hide behind my theories and intelligence but it is getting me nowhere.  I received the first copy of my book yesterday and I felt nothing.  I felt that the book was nothing and I am all that I can be.  The truth is I can be so much more.  I can be the light that everyone thinks I have.  I am starting tonight but tomorrow is going to be a big day.
Tomorrow I start writing again.  Not for the possibility that it may be published or I may be famous but just because I like to write.  It is ok.
I may be disappointed in myself and scared of taking a risk but I am going to do it.  Enough of the sad story.  Yeah I have been to Iraq and Afghanistan.  Yeah my childhood was traumatic and I lost my family.  Sure these things are hard but I have done this before.  I have overcame so much more than what I am faced with now and I am making a change.  Tonight the human dies and the spirit lives on.
No more insecurities and no take-backs.  I will mean what I say and say what I mean.  I will let go and let God!!!