All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Dream

Feb 10, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

mom

,

dad

,

margaret

,

car

,

Mall

,

shrimp

,

fetus

,

Office Depot

,

Work

,

school



Came back to office deport after having been gone for a long time.  Can't find my name tag, use one that says Sarah.  Managers call me Sarah despite knowing me.  They set up fish tanks all over the store as deco.  One tank has a human fetus growing inside.  It swims up to the surface when it wants to breathe.  It's apparently a part of Office Depot's executive's family, so they're running this experiment.  Some commotion happens, it end up outside of the tank and being stepped on.  I pick it up and put it back into tank, where it is eaten by a fish.

Riding in car with mom on our way to her sister's house.  Stop at a convenience store, stock up on a few things and make a mad dash when the cashier isn't looking.  I recognize the cashier as someone who might know me.  Arrive to aunt's place which is connected with a school and all the kids are just getting out.  I realize that mom is dead and that I was driving the whole way.  Talk briefly to my cousins, they're about 9 or 10.  

Find myself in a class about psychology where the teacher lists five things that will always improve someone's mental state.- new home, new school, haircut, clean clothes, I can't remember the fifth.  She passed around a sheet with the class roster and some of them had their grades printed next to them- nameley the B+s and A-.  They were eligible to have their grade boosted to a full A.  Mine wasn't marked for eligibility.  I argued against the teacher, and eventually left.  The class was required for graduation and this was the first semester of my senior year, so I told her I'd deal with it next semester.  At some point I came back in, I think I fogot something.  There were only two people left in the class, and teacher was suddenly all over me trying to get me back in the class promising me the A.

I'm driving again, in what I know to be mom's car because instead of tires there are the little wheels off a big wheel.  I come around a corner and find what I knew I came here for- dad's grave.  The stone was normal, but all around it were pop culture references.  It was basically in the parking structure of a mall.  I went back to my aunt's house, where Margaret was.  We got into an argument about something, so to get back at her I took her cigarettes and broke them.  She got into my car and I drove us both back down to dad's grave, where a bunch of teenagers were hanging around it and throwing things into a fire which happened to be situated immediately over the grave.  I scolded them and they shuffled off.  I cleaned up the area of the grave and started to bawl.  Margaret didn't cry, and in my mind I knew wit was because she still had a living parent left.

Another aimless day

Feb 07, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

lethargy

,

vacation



Woke up at 9, procrastinating starting my day.  Need to go to Woodman's for the remainder of the groceries I didn't get at Pick'n'Save.  Looked into Royal Caribbean for vacation, realized that Al wouldn't be able to save up his half in time for due date.  Depressed.  I just want to get away.  I have no purpose.

Superbowl Sunday

Feb 06, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

Tony

,

ambition

,

organization

,

lethargy

,

no smoke

,

sleepy

,

Caige

,

Benson



Fell asleep this morning at about 2, woke up at 8.  My sleep schedule's been so goofy these days 've decided I really need to dedicate myself to a mood tracker- but it's impossible to find a good one that'll work on both the laptop and on my phone.  

Today at 1500 I'm going to Tony's for the Superbowl.  I really hope Lucas isn't there- if he says one goddanm word to me I've made sure everyone knows that I'm going to break his nose.

I'm lazy and still sleepy, but I just wally want to DO something.  After I'm done playing with this I'll probably move all my music from my external.

****, I need cigarettes.

----

The Superbowl party was enjoyable, I sat on Tinychat the whole time capslocking in reaction to the game.  Caige was there, and didn't really acknowledge me all night, save from an awkward hug when he left (he was standing behind me, I was sitting).  I talked to Tony a little bit about how he frustrates me by associating with Devan.  Apparently they're officially a thing.  I said that it annoyed me, my jealousy aside.  Tony says my jealousy has more to do with it than I may think.  I really like Caige, even in a non-romantic way, but I can't stand how he walks into situations where he's bound to get hurt.  I don't have the emotional fortitude to worry about someone else as much as he needs to be worried about.  That aside, there is indeed a stupid crush involved.  I'll keep my distance.

I got home and shot the **** with Benson on aim.  I realized how distant I've become from all of my older friends, but also that I really don't care for the mass majority of them.  I told him he should call me some time to go play and went to sleep.

Dream

Feb 06, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

school

,

Birth Control

,

cats

,

pregnant

,

mom

,

Work



Riding in a bus being driven by dad, we hit another bus on Michigan Ave between Butler & Lowell.  Busses are trashed but everything else is okay.  After dad comes out of office he hands me a box of what I know to be birth control patches but look more like astringent pads.  I'm talking to someone outside the office before he comes out, a 40-something guy whom I've known for years in relation to the school but haven't seen in a while.  Explain to him that mom killed herself.  In a school with really strict rules, trick teacher into thinking she hurt me when sitting on my lap (pinched nerve in hand in desk) so she would let me eat and drink more fast food in class.  Working at Office Depot.  Ugly-ish male employee has gotten a female customer pregnant, they lie to teacher because she was supposed to have been on some sort of birth control.  They tell her that she was still on it but something went wrong.  They'd gotten rid of all cats, but had one more and were hiding it from teacher.  Teacher found it under couch- was basically white Khasar.